It's been awhile since my last post and alot has occured in the last month.
I saw my therapist in early may and I finally got to release all of the emotions that were lurking inside me. We discussed my feelings towards SSA and touched base on my sexual abuse issues. Now you can't possibly get everything out in one session but baby steps pave the way for real progress. Needless to say I went out to the bar with some good friends that night and had some drinks. Soon things got out of hand and I divulged everything in a angry fashion to these friends. I ended up on the floor in his entrance crying for about an hour and venting emotions of the past that I thought were locked up forever. The feeling the very next day was one of euphoria. The weight had been lifted and all the confusion about my sexuality seemed to have no bearing on me anymore.
Now, I am on the road to recovery. Healing the wounds of the past is a daunting task but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Roger said it best when he said: try to heal the root of the pain and not the symptoms associated to it. I take things day by day now and that is all I can do.
The SSA issue has lost it's grip and seems to be a fleeing thought. I am still confused as to where I go from here but I have to live with the uncertainty.
I am the warrior.