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#225739 - 05/22/08 09:48 AM Re: Parents response - may trigger [Re: NWcats]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
You're right - the letter is not fair. They attack you for "caring only about your feelings" yet the letter runs with THEIR feelings. I think my response would almost directly quote theirs:

Dear M & D

At the point that you can deal with feelings other than your own, perhaps I can reconsider reconciling with you.

Love,
etc etc etc etc


It's a painful letter, being a parent I can understand their hurt at the "loss of a grandson" - but I cannot understand their attacks on you. I'm sorry for your pain.

However, I'm still VERY proud of you for your actions and the bravery you demonstrated to protect a little boy.

M


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#225750 - 05/22/08 10:36 AM Re: Parents response - may trigger [Re: MarkK]
NWcats Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/06
Posts: 70
Loc: Pacific Northwest
Here's a stab at letting loose some of my feelings. These are for this space, not to send to them (yet anyway):

Dear M&D,
It's too bad that Ben has abused another boy and that you show compassion for Danny and not Ben's first victim.
You're right, Danny could not act. He didn't know his would-be-father abused his would-be-uncle. He didn't know that his grandparents would not protect him from Ben's abuse.
I did act to make sure the abuse stopped, the truth was known and the professionals at DSS could make a knowledgeable decision. They made that decision not me.
Speaking the truth and saving children is part of my recovery process.
You have lied, withheld, minimized and participated in an awful collusion. You have not shown an ounce of compassion for my hurt and pain at Ben's hands. You now are accomplices in that abuse. It's the elephant in the room that you fail to see. I didn't double-cross Ben. Ben abused me. I cannot be vindictive. To do that, I would have Ben become a child again and have what he did to me done to him. But I wouldn't allow that. I wouldn't wish that on anyone, even Ben.
Does any of that sound like the "value of family?"
I have found family who loves me, acknowledges and embraces the truth and supports my strength and courage. This family has called me a hero.
For now, I'll stand proudly with them.
You can suffer in your cave. Let me know when you begin to see the light.
Love,
Jackson

_________________________
*** WOR Alumni Sequoia March 2008 ***
*** Alta Advanced Weekend September 2008 ***
Ask me about both!

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#225756 - 05/22/08 10:59 AM Re: Parents response - may trigger [Re: NWcats]
Barkabus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 809
Well said Jackson. It really helps to write down what's on our hearts, what we're really feeling, even if we have no intention of delivering that message to those we're writing to. I pray that your parents are eventually able to come around and acknowledge the pain and suffering you have been through. Right now they seem more focused on what they lost...a grandson and a son for your brother. They are blind to the risk that only you could see. You were that child's champion. He may never know what you did for him but that's OK, that's part of the reward...saving a young boy from knowing the torment that we know. I am proud of you Jackson!

Bark


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#225764 - 05/22/08 11:23 AM Re: Parents response - may trigger [Re: WalkingSouth]
blacken Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/13/01
Posts: 1217
Loc: Northern Ohio
You have helped to save a life, Jackson, congradulations on your success.

Based on previous posts, I'm not surprised at all by this email. It seemed plain before this, that they (your M & D) had made up their minds about what the truth was & is.

We know, that for some of us no longer with us, that living with the Truth seemed worse than death. We, the survivors here, have no choice other than to try to struggle thru; but most outsiders, choose to run from the Truth we know, day by day.

It is certainly painful when we, who need the support of our family & friends, are instead thrown to the side.
And it certainly seems as if we are being the victims once again.

Perhaps we are not all equal in our strength & endurance, in what Truth(s) we can handle. Perhaps, for some, it is less difficult to not see the horrors, for it would shine a light upon their own inabilities as humans, as parents, as supports, as whatever we thought we were.

And now, I can see those who pull the wool over their eyes as victims too. For they have also been lied to, mislead,.... brainwashed, into the thinking many of us have experienced.
We know all to well the power our abusers had over us.

Understanding that, perhaps we should not Damn those who not yet walk the path as we are trying to do.

This email is a testimate to the corruptive power, of the psycological war, your 'brother' still wages.
You are on the mend; your parents are still lying out upon the field, not even realizing the wounds they have suffered. Blind, they can only see by the words of deceit your brother whispers.

Try to accept that you can not win the battle others must fight for themselves.
Celebrate the great victory of yor accomplishment.

Sincerely, Paul (Blacken)

_________________________
Everyone is a genius! If you were to judge a fish, by its ability to climb a tree,
it would think it was stupid all of it's life.
~Albert Einstein

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#225765 - 05/22/08 11:27 AM Re: Parents response - may trigger [Re: MarkK]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Jackson,
I know this had to hurt like hell. You are right. You parents only see the loss of a grandson that you will never be able to provide them. It is easier to focus on that than face the fact that you and the DSS are correct. You brother is sick. You, as many others have said, did the right thing. Doing the right thing does not lessen the pain of the loss. I know that and I pray for you that you will be comforted. Some day your parents may 'get it'. Probably after your brother is caught with someone else. He will not stop without help and doesn't seem like he will be seeking it. Write them off and move on. Your "family" here will stand behind you.

(((((Jackson)))))


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#225773 - 05/22/08 12:30 PM Re: Parents response - may trigger [Re: WalkingSouth]
hogan_dawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
DARVO man, DARVO.

You aren't cool until you 'get' DARVO!

http://dynamic.uoregon.edu/~jjf/defineDARVO.html

Sheesh!

_________________________
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

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#225775 - 05/22/08 12:33 PM Re: Parents response - may trigger [Re: hogan_dawg]
hogan_dawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
By the way, I'd be likely to tell them to just go fuck themselves.

Pardon mon Francais



Edited by hogan_dawg (05/22/08 12:33 PM)
_________________________
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

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#225785 - 05/22/08 12:55 PM Re: Parents response - may trigger [Re: WalkingSouth]
KENKEN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO
I totally agree with arron, You did the right thing...Never doubt yourself.

I sometimes feel that family are the hardest to deal with. I certainly have gotton more support from my friends than anyone else.

I am proud of what you did and how you are handleing this.

Ken

_________________________
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

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#225807 - 05/22/08 02:35 PM Re: Parents response - may trigger [Re: NWcats]
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
WTF!! \:D \:o

Sounds pretty much like the last email from my brother.

And he prob has had the LAST from me!

Ignore them, and it will hurt more than any reply you can
care to think about,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#225906 - 05/22/08 11:05 PM Re: Parents response - may trigger [Re: reality2k4]
hogan_dawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
Mark said "...but I cannot understand their attacks on you."

I can. They knew he was an abuser and they've been covering.

_________________________
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

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