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#225232 - 05/19/08 10:58 PM Re: Puberty [Re: frost]
Barkabus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 809
Brian,

Thanks for the post. I am sorry about your CSA and that it lasted NINE long years. You are right about the mental and emotional warfare that occurs from CSA especially when there is cruel mockery involved when we are in an uncomfortable and exposed situation. I think for me the mental/emotional damage from being made fun of was actually far worse than the physical stuff.

I am only just beginning the process of recovery. I have lived for over three decades in hiding, denying the abuse or at least the significance of it. I have so much to process. I've got a good start though and I'm sharing my dirty little secret with people I know and trust. The support I have received so far has been amazing.

I hope to share more here as I progress.

Bark

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#225279 - 05/20/08 07:53 AM Re: Puberty [Re: Barkabus]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2024
Loc: durham, north england
I've read this topic, thanks everyone for sharing.

I'll try and reply if I can, ----- but I stil can't talk about these things, ----- sorry.

At the same time though, perhaps I should just push through and force myself? At least that would be a step forward?



Edited by dark empathy (05/20/08 08:04 AM)

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#225282 - 05/20/08 08:06 AM Re: Puberty [Re: dark empathy]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1245
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
My abuse stopped before puberty for me (10), but he was always "teaching" me about stuff about women's bodies, illustrations included. It felt like a sex ed class when he would do that.

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Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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#225283 - 05/20/08 08:13 AM Re: Puberty [Re: AndyJB2005]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
I didn't go through puberty until 14 1/2 years.

I think a lot of the other boys had already been through it. I kept looking for those telltale hairs.

Finally a saw a few starting. What a relief. I was afraid that this too had been damaged.

Then my first wet dream was kind of sick. I dreamed about the same time as the hair appeared that I was in a boxing ring. I was fighting in succession with 3 adult guys. They beat me up and I was laying on the floor of the boxing ring. My dik turned black and then I had the first wet dream. I was upset.



Edited by pufferfish (05/20/08 11:18 PM)

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#225850 - 05/22/08 06:27 PM Re: Puberty [Re: pufferfish]
Grunty1967b Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/28/05
Posts: 823
Loc: Australia
Bark,

It seems like many of our parents didnít help us prepare or get through puberty. Iíd imagine many parents falter here, or maybe itís because they failed us on other levels by either allowing the abuse to happen in our young lives or at least in failing to see that it was happening. On that front, who of us survivors would not be able to see the signs in another young child today?

Also, my older perp brother whilst having his way with me also made fun of my smaller (at the time) penis. After he got me to ejaculate the first time and I got so scared about what was happening I thought I was in pain, he simply laughed and told me not to be so stupid.

Again, very anti things to deposit into my mind about puberty and sex. Any wonder Iíve had huge issues with body self image and envying other males who are Ďbetterí than me on the looks front.

Puberty Ė yep. Another source of pain.


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#225885 - 05/22/08 09:41 PM Re: Puberty [Re: Grunty1967b]
Jarrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
my abuse didn't start until after i already had the hair and the sperm. my abuser shaved it to make me appear younger. the drugs we took prevented me from cumming.


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