Newest Members
journey4two, VASurvivor, jayceemac, rwolf, FindingNemo
12328 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
cja (49), crackerjack (55), nursemanda25 (33)
Who's Online
2 registered (WriterKeith, 1 invisible), 15 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12328 Members
74 Forums
63403 Topics
443286 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#224652 - 05/16/08 09:49 PM are you all as intense as I am
chrty Offline
New Here

Registered: 04/12/08
Posts: 27
Loc: new york
I only have one child. Because of all the abuse around me I am extremly vigilant of her. My husband is not worried at all. H always acts like Im bothering her. What should I do just believe everyone is going to be good to my chil;d. Lets face it look at his family. Are there others like myself?

_________________________
if i had to do it all again i wouldn't

Top
#224655 - 05/16/08 10:08 PM Re: are you all as intense as I am [Re: chrty]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
chrty,

I only have one child too. There is no abuse in my history, nor my ex-husband's but we worry anyway. She's 20 years old and I still insist on knowing where she is and who she's with. I go overboard sometimes, but hey, that's life and she understands it, most of the time. She's even getting to the point where she appreciates how cautious I was when she was younger because she sees kids who don't have a parent who watches out at all.

You can never believe that everyone will be good to your child because they won't. Not that they will deliberately cause her harm, but it's certainly possible. We try to prevent that at every turn. But even if parents do everything right, our kids will get hurt by something or someone whether it's a school yard first fight or a fight with a best girlfriend or the breakup with that first or tenth boy. There's nothing wrong or odd about you being protective of your daughter; it's what good Moms do.

ROCK ON........Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

Top
#224689 - 05/17/08 02:14 AM Re: are you all as intense as I am [Re: Trish4850]
coaster fan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/17/07
Posts: 11
As Trish said, in time your daughter wilL realize she is lucky to have a parent that is vigilant. Mine tried to be, but I was from a broken home.
Take Care,
PS Love your sig!
"if i had to do it all again i wouldn't"


Top
#224731 - 05/17/08 03:57 PM Re: are you all as intense as I am [Re: chrty]
Liv2124 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/06
Posts: 159
Loc: New Jersey
Chrty,
I have 3 children, 22,18 and 16. My 18 year old son is autistic. If you ask my kids, I go overboard at times, but I constantly worry, until the last one comes through the door at night. I worry about other people's kids too. I'll share 2 recent, true incidents with you.
My SO and I were having lunch at a local pub. The table next to ours was a large one and was obviously occupied, although no one was at the table when we were seated. Alittle while later, 2 little girls (about 6 and 8 years old) came to the table with a little boy who looked about 4. They told him to wait there and walked away together. The little boy looked uncomfortable and scared and kept looking around for his sisters or someone he knew. I was annoyed that they would leave this kid alone when anything could happen. It was about 10 minutes or so before the girls returned to the table with the parents and the boy looked so relieved.
A week or so later I was in line at the supermarket behind a young girl who had a newborn in a carrier on top of the cart. I was putting up my groceries and when I turned around, her cart and the baby was still there but I didn't see the girl. I said to the cashier, "Where did she go?" The cashier said, "She forgot something, she'll be back." I said, "She left her baby here?!" And the reply was, "Oh, it's okay, I'll watch her." When the girl returned I said, "You should NEVER leave your baby unattended for a second." She ignored me, and left.
I'd rather be over-protective.
Always,
Liv


Top
#224736 - 05/17/08 04:38 PM Re: are you all as intense as I am [Re: coaster fan]
chrty Offline
New Here

Registered: 04/12/08
Posts: 27
Loc: new york
Thank you. The other day one of my neighbors and I went out to the cheesecake factory. It is always crowded there. She let her two twin daughters go to the bathroom together. She asked my daughter to go with them and OF course she said yes.
I waited and went after them about 5 minutes.I made sure all was ok. Not every woman you meet you can trust especially the bathroom!
She laughs alot at me. Personally, Bathrooms are nortorious for stuff to happen at least in my history

_________________________
if i had to do it all again i wouldn't

Top
#224737 - 05/17/08 04:50 PM Re: are you all as intense as I am [Re: chrty]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6852
Loc: USA
I know a woman who has anger issues because of CSA.

When she is "watching" her children, the sharp point of her anger shows through. It will be evident to the children and others and they will be emparassed.

Is it possible to be vigilant without letting ones anger show?

In other instances, women who are being vigilant show anger toward me just because I am a man. They are almost like porcupines. They have all those quills just ready to fire at the first target. Isn't there some way to be gracious?


Top
#225103 - 05/19/08 02:45 PM Re: are you all as intense as I am [Re: pufferfish]
Liv2124 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/06
Posts: 159
Loc: New Jersey
Pufferfish,
My children will tell you I embarress them whether or not I do or say anything. But over the years, they've become "conditioned" to the expectations. When they leave the house, I want to know who they are going out with, where they are going, who is driving, what time I can expect them back, and a contact number. (My daughter had her own cell phone for about a month before I totalled it with a meat mallet, but that's a story for another day.) They have come around to providing me with the above information to avoid being grilled for it in front of their friends. (You know, GOD FORBID!!!)
These are the rules while they are living in my house, end of story. When my oldest was 17, he used to tell me, "When I turn 18, things are gonna change!" I always gave the same response, "Unless they start with a change of address, not much is going to change."
He's 22, and still at home.
Always,
Liv


Top
#225544 - 05/21/08 10:01 AM Re: are you all as intense as I am [Re: Liv2124]
mara Offline
New Here

Registered: 04/01/08
Posts: 18
I think you must do all you can to protect your child. When abuse is part of the family structure, you don't know who all the perps are. You may think you do, but there is always more. One of the things that has shocked me the most through this process is how many of those with a csa history continue to allow the perps access to their own children and believe that the abuse stopped with themselves. Our T describes this as victim grandiosity, thinking themselves "special" and that therefore their own kids are not at risk. Don;t ever let anyone talk you into something that goes against your gut feelings, saying that you are too protective. It only takes once.


Top
#225640 - 05/21/08 09:11 PM Re: are you all as intense as I am [Re: mara]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Pufferfish,

There is no reason at all for being angry at someone just for being. Watching out for your kids doesn't mean putting a force field around them and standing outside of it with a sword ready to cut down anyone who comes near them. I'm sorry you've come in contact with such women and I don't blame you for being angry at them. It's a stupid, inconsiderate way to behave toward anyone.

ROCK ON..........Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.