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#224883 - 05/18/08 04:14 PM Re: bridge out [Re: MarkK]
dancr6 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/02/07
Posts: 383
Loc: georgia








How do I loathe Me?

Let me count the ways:

If you don’t like me, it’s OK, I understand, I don’t blame you

If you like me, you have yet to see all of me, when you do you’ll change your mind

However I look at it I will win at being the loser somehow.

What can I tell myself to see how foolish those thoughts are?

Answer: I listen to someone I respect ………. say it about himself

Then, once again, ……..I thank him for helping me to grow

_________________________
I'm a freeman now, his authority's dead
no pain monger lies in my comfortable bed!

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#224896 - 05/18/08 05:58 PM Re: bridge out [Re: dancr6]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
you know
the only way i find to look at this
as a slam

so... is this is where i'm supposed to thank you for helping me grow?




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#225204 - 05/19/08 09:23 PM Re: bridge out [Re: MarkK]
dancr6 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/02/07
Posts: 383
Loc: georgia
In no way was that a "slam" I have a lot of respect for you Mark.

I am a 61 year old man who people call "lovable, gentle, kind,blah blah blah"; but I have no friends outside of work and as I look back at my life I see that I have always either kept up a wall to stop friendship before it started or find a justification for ending it by not being lovable, etc., etc.,

when I see someone using the same techniques that I have used to keep myself isolated it strikes a cord and when it comes from someone who has shown nothing but strength and compassion it makes me think the negative thoughts are unreal and should be re-examined regarding their validity.

I apologize for not being more clear in my de>
_________________________
I'm a freeman now, his authority's dead
no pain monger lies in my comfortable bed!

Top
#225207 - 05/19/08 09:36 PM Re: bridge out [Re: dancr6]
dancr6 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/02/07
Posts: 383
Loc: georgia
maybe offending people is the real reason I have no friends.
I don't want to be offensive but I am a lot of things I don't want to be.

_________________________
I'm a freeman now, his authority's dead
no pain monger lies in my comfortable bed!

Top
#225235 - 05/19/08 11:13 PM Re: bridge out [Re: dancr6]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Originally Posted By: dancr6
when I see someone using the same techniques that I have used to keep myself isolated it strikes a cord and when it comes from someone who has shown nothing but strength and compassion it makes me think the negative thoughts are unreal and should be re-examined regarding their validity.

ok - i am now being very dense i guess.
who is showing nothing "but strength and compassion" that makes you think negative thoughts are unreal? and why does it make you think negative thoughts are unreal or invalid?

color me confused.


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#225609 - 05/21/08 07:26 PM Re: bridge out [Re: MarkK]
dancr6 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/02/07
Posts: 383
Loc: georgia
I think we survivors have a tendency to judge ourselves harshly.

I have had a pattern of negating compliments and turning positive feedback into negative. During the brief conversation we had a few weeks ago, I read your words and percieved "strength and Compassion". I don't think I was off base.
I think that when I tend to turn a compliment into a negative just to reinforce my negative self esteem, it is invalid meaning I am not looking at it for what it is but rather for what it should be to fit into my mispercieved self image.

I think you read a lot more into my statements than I put into them. Your poem made me remember how I have treated possible friendships in my life and I was reflecting that. It obviously struck some chord in you and you have to deal with that yourself I don't know you or your thought patterns so it would be fruitless to debate fantasy.

_________________________
I'm a freeman now, his authority's dead
no pain monger lies in my comfortable bed!

Top
#225652 - 05/21/08 09:51 PM Re: bridge out [Re: dancr6]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Dan,

i don't want to debate. i want to understand. and i do - at least a little more now. you saw "strength and compassion" in me. that's what threw me so hard. i don't see that in me at all. i see a cowardly wimp that's cold and bitter. maybe some of my own negative self esteem reinforcement going on.

and now i think i understand your "How do I loathe me" post. a LOT better. i think we may share some of the same self-criticism, self-destructive mannerisms and thought processes. Which would be no surprise why our conversations can go down hill so fast.

reading more into someone else's statements than they put into them is part of this whole pattern isn't it? especially if that "more" is negative.....

i'm sorry if i stepped on your toes - i guess maybe i didn't realize we were so close in the same path for that moment.

M


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#226037 - 05/23/08 12:23 PM Re: bridge out [Re: MarkK]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Mark, Dan,

One thing I keep telling guys in this sort of situation is that these are the abuse issues talking. They aren't us. IOt's important to "own" our feelings so we can work on them, but it's also important to avoid the temptation of thinking that these feelings are all true. In the vast majority of cases they are not true, and that's the main gain we achieve by working on them.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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