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#223949 - 05/12/08 08:14 PM Time is running out *Vent Warning*
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
Well I've known for atleast 7 years I've needed to switch my job, and I actually made an attempt back then. I love to travel, I guess thats because vacations are a less stressful time, so I've become very interested in the airline industry, visit airline related message boards,etc. In the town I was living at the time Continental opened up a reservations center and I decieded to see about working there. I went thru all the testing and got to the interview. I think what did me in was I really didn't have a lot of experience in disfusing conflicts. Anyway, I didn't get the job. Actually it turns out I was lucky not to get the job because I would have been hired in July 2001, a few months before 9/11. The airline industry was hit dramaticly and I definately would have been fired (last hired, first fired thing). I haven't really tried since then to get a job, it took alot for me to attempt it the first time and recently I've been kinda depressed and not motivated to do much. I've always had problems at work, always screwing things up, not ordering the correct part, not noticing stuff thats infront of my face. Even though I've worked here for 12 years and most people would think that means I am good at what I do. I just think my boss has trouble firing people (he doesn't do it often) and I'm good enough so that I don't get the ax. Either that or he just likes yelling at me for some reason.

Anyway, the real reason I'm writing this is because right now I don't know what to do. Right now, we are REALLY SLOW (I work at a computer repair/retail store) and I haven't been getting the hours I need to make ends meet, right now I really needed to rely on my stimulus payment which I haven't received yet (it was supposed to come on May 2, ok, its the IRS so I probably should expect its late). Point is that this isn't the first time this has happened, it got so bad I needed to get a Gas credit card so I can afford gas to get work. That was about 10 months ago. My point is that these should be signs that even if I want to continue with my current lifestyle (live with parents, pay minimal rent, work at my current job making 10.25 an hour), I can't, something has to give.

I've been to therapy for 4 + years regarding the abuse, but nothing seems to be helping (maybe I haven't found my match yet, but I feel like I'm running out of options). I've been thinking I need to go back on medications, I was on them for awhile, and they didn't really help atleast I don't think so I had trouble really gauging that for somereason. I was ready to go to this psychatrist that my T recommended thought was really good/smart for meds, but I was counting on my rebate check and had to cancel today because it hasn't come. Now that I think about it, and see how badly were doing and that it looks for a 2nd month in a row, I'll need extra money to supplement my income, I'm thinking that maybe thats not such a good idea right now, I need to save my money so I can pay my bills. I could ask my mom for help with reducing my rent for a few months but I don't want to rock the boat and have her think that I will be loosing my job and have her push me to get a new one.

Maybe EMDR is what I need, I don't know. I just know that I'm sick and tired of trying to do all of this. SICK AND TIRED


Jason




Edited by jtt5254 (05/12/08 11:04 PM)
_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#223982 - 05/13/08 12:55 AM Re: Time is running out *Vent Warning* [Re: onlyakid]
Scoutvictim Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/04/07
Posts: 434
Loc: St. Louis, Missouri
Jason,

OK.... so if you like the airline industry, have you considered re-applying?

Just a thought.

Sometimes we have to make the moves, they don't always come knocking.

Luv ya,
Carl

_________________________
Shawn and Ben will always be in my heart....

Happiness is like peeing your pants; Everyone can see it, but only YOU feel the warmth.

Peebles, Ohio WOR alumni, Oct. 2007

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#223987 - 05/13/08 02:32 AM Re: Time is running out *Vent Warning* [Re: onlyakid]
frost Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 1377
Loc: Eh?
Jason,

Jobs suck. Working a crap job to pay bills sucks even worse. It sounds to me like you're in a line of work that you aren't passionate about in the least. Perhaps you're just doing it because its something you *can* do and it has gotten the bills paid thus far.

The truth is, however, its not paying the bills. It's not even worth it if you can't afford the fuel to get you to/from work. If I can suggest something: Time is running out is incredibly fitting because it sounds to me like you're ready for change.

One area that might require change and quite frankly it concerned me when you spoke of your therapy. As a disclaimer: I don't know your whole situation or how your therapist-client relationship is but when you say that in 4+ years and nothing is helping. I personally would strongly advise against medications if you are able to be a functional adult without them.

If I can recommend one thing: Try taking a break from therapy for a bit. Give yourself 2 weeks, 3 weeks, a month... whatever it takes. See how much you miss it. Journal. See what comes of it. Perhaps in your case therapy has become detrimental to your progress.

Clearly these are big decisions to be made. Certainly not the type of decisions to be made in haste. I wish you luck with all that is going on in your life and I truly hope that something will 'give' soon and it will be the catalyst for the change you sound like you need in your life.

All the best,
~Brian

_________________________
I farted so huge, my ass exploded. There was poo everywhere and it got into the fan too. What a fucking mess.

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#223988 - 05/13/08 02:39 AM Re: Time is running out *Vent Warning* [Re: Scoutvictim]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Hi again Jason.

Go apply for Geek Squad or Firedog or something corporate with benefits. A Mom and Pop computer store may be casual and minimal stress, but it's also minimal pay.

You need to use the talents that you already have and exert them in the professional/corporate world. One way to get your foot in the door of those places is to get some IT Certifications. I see no reason why you couldn't get A+ certified. (except for the 200 bucks) and the time you would want to take to study for it)

I just picked up a book for MOS (Microsoft Office 2003 Specialist) certification. My strategy in doing this is that, I have a knack for learning software configuration and utilization, and that it's a vendor-specific certification that will get an employer's attention, because MOST corporate offices use MS Office now.

So, just to reiterate,

Stay in IT! You already have the background and the aptitude for it, so work on that! Apply for a tech job with a staffing company, like TEKsystems or RobertHalf Technology or Manpower Professional, something like that. Just make sure you have at least one nice suite for those interviews. Then lay off the video games and pick up a book and get certified in at least ONE thing, just to demonstrate up front that you have a recognized level of competence in PC technology and configuration.

Or do you want to get the Hell away from computers? I say stick with something that you can develop Jason. Another reason I say this is because I've gotten the impression that you're not someone who is assertive and bossy and "leadership material". (whatever THAT is). I bring this up because in the IT world, you don't HAVE to be. If you know how to fix things and make them work, people will listen to you and do what you say regardless of how insecure you feel about yourself or your personal life etc.

JUST before 9-11 huh? Yeah, you got lucky. I could never work for airlines now, they're too Gestopo-like now:

"YOUR PAPERS PLEASE"......................

"YOUR PAPERS ARE NOT IN ORDER".............."Come with us please"

"Remove you belt please"

"Remove your shoes please"

"Place your personal hygienic items in this tray please"

I've had enough airline travel to last a lifetime, and I've only flown twice in the last 25 years. After the way that they treated me I HOPE they fucking go out of business, they deserve it. I had to actually keep myself from laughing as the "TSA AGENT" directed this 70 year old lady in front of me to take her belt off because she was making the metal detector go off. PUHHLLEEZZZZ. I'm just glad that she didn't try to sneak on a deadly nile-file sharpener, she could have got a 15 year sentence for that!

Funny, why is it that I feel more threatened by my own government than the terrorists it claims to be protecting us from? I must be one of those wild conspiratorial theorists that just doesn't "get it".


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#224022 - 05/13/08 09:04 AM Re: Time is running out *Vent Warning* [Re: Hauser]
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
Carl: Actually, the more I think about it, the more the airline industry doesn't seem right, it requires lots of interaction with the public and conflict resolution. I'm not good at conflict resolution. But thanks for the thought.

Brian: I've had several different therapists and I have taken breaks. Some rather long breaks when I'm looking for another therapist. As far as being a functional adult, I'm not an emotional wreck or anything but I always seem to forget things, I'm always screwing things up and I think if I worked for anyone else I'd have been fired long ago.

Hauser: One of my co-workers friends works at Firedog, I don't think the pays that different. More reliable yes, different no. I think my thing is to get into a company and work corporate Tech services (TSS). Then I'll get benefits and more pay, I might just be able to rent an apartment and live like a normal 29 year old.

My big problem though, is how do I stop screwing up. I think it has to do with concentration, anxiety and maybe some depression that why I'm thinking maybe some EMDR or medications or a mix of both might help.

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#224026 - 05/13/08 09:36 AM Re: Time is running out *Vent Warning* [Re: onlyakid]
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Jason when I was in the professional film processing lab, back when they used film, our saying was.

Double Check, Triple Check

If we messed up a job it could take thousands of $$$$$ for the photographer to reshoot it. So it was always important to get it right the first time. I have keep that mind set ever since in what ever I do.

About the EMDR it seems to have work well for me but it is no cure all, it is just another tool for looking at our life.

best of luck

Tom

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#224035 - 05/13/08 10:40 AM Re: Time is running out *Vent Warning* [Re: Muldoon]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Jason, we all screw up sometimes, even airtraffic controllers, (although maybe not as often). But don't discount your own talents. What you may trivialize as common knowledge, (like linking an IDE Master/Slave drive to installing the right RAM is, for many people, the equivalent to brain surgery.

I can't stay "focused" on one subject forever either Jason, that's why we take breaks and get our minds off the subject for a bit, then we return to it. It's perfectly human.

I want you to please stop considering yourself as a "screw-up" and start admiring the talents that you MUST have. I say this because I suspect that, given your experience, that you must know more about PC installation/configuration than I do. It's not the talent in the job itself that you lack, it's the approach to applying for better/more-gainful employment that is hampering you (or so I suspect).

You might just be surprised with how many phone calls you would get if you had a good resume/references typed up and a nice suit to follow up with in interviews. But you won't know unless you get out there and try. All this talk about meds and more therapy? I don't understand. Haven't you been down this road already? What good do these things do if you're still working a menial job? How are you going to feel good about where you're at and what you're doing while you're still at that PC store? I say you should focus on your career rather than look back and repeating your previous attempts to better your life.


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#224069 - 05/13/08 01:23 PM Re: Time is running out *Vent Warning* [Re: Hauser]
frost Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 1377
Loc: Eh?
Originally Posted By: Hauser
I want you to please stop considering yourself as a "screw-up" and start admiring the talents that you MUST have.


I'll second this \:\)

_________________________
I farted so huge, my ass exploded. There was poo everywhere and it got into the fan too. What a fucking mess.

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#224247 - 05/14/08 06:19 PM Re: Time is running out *Vent Warning* [Re: frost]
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
Well, it would be one thing if I screwed up once and awhile, its another when I screw up every few days. So it's hard to consider my talents when I feel like a screw up. I'm feeling like maybe with less anxiety, I would make fewer mistakes.

Jason

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#224255 - 05/14/08 07:32 PM Re: Time is running out *Vent Warning* [Re: onlyakid]
hogan_dawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
JTT you might find less anxiety works for you. I'd like to try EMDR too, for similar reasons.

_________________________
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

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#224282 - 05/14/08 11:37 PM Re: Time is running out *Vent Warning* [Re: hogan_dawg]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1959
Jason,

I wanted to post because I think I can relate a bit due to past experience and wanted to share a little of what I have learned.

First on the job front, I can only say that you should just put yourself out there and do what you can to find something more for yourself. Maybe in IT, or maybe not. But get out there and "fight" for something better. I only say this because I was in a position not too long ago were I was not happy and was struggling big time, but I kept marching forward and finally got an opportunity that has changed my life in many ways. I state this, because I want to link it to what I learned from my experience. When I was struggling financially and not working to my potential, I was pretty miserable. In fact, getting a better job can help your outlook, and the easing of the financial burden can help create a "space" where it is easier to work on the abuse issues (my experience at least). When I was at that place where I didn't see the light job wise, I was binge drinking like crazy and just struggling, but I did keep fighting. So I think you need to see this as something worth "fighting" for, because if you can improve your situation, it can have very positive effects on other areas of your life (the problems don't all magically disappear, but things can get easier as certain stressors lesson.

Whether to IT or not IT, is that the question? If you have skills there, try and leverage them. But they may also be transferable to other areas. I actually know quite a bit about computers, and they can be fun but also alienating (in my opinion) as well depending on the environment (I guess I sort picture you working in a small computer shop where, though you have customer interaction, your job may not be too social; that is my notion at least). It might actually be good for you to get around some more people where you are required to interact more. Maybe not, and I can't know for sure, but it might be worth thinking about. By the way, this doesn't preclude IT; in fact IT at a bigger company would entail much more interaction I think if my stereotype of the situation is somewhat correct. But anyway, no matter what you should put yourself out there. Try and get interviews. And no matter how much it seems like you can't get in anywhere, keep fighting and looking. It can be dang depressing looking for a job and getting rejected, but just keep your head up and understand it is part of the process. And learn from it all. Learn, learn, learn. And then learn some more.

About EMDR, I did about a half-dozen sessions a year or two ago. I probably could and should have done more, but I stopped at that. I really think it did help me. If you are interested in more details in regards to what my experience was with it, just ask. It helped, I am sure, but so did other lifestyle changes. So it isn't going to make everything go away, but for me it had an amazing ability to help me open my mind up to the memory process and lessen some trauma responses I was going through. I wouldn't mind doing it again.

Well, keep your head up and keep exploring options. And don't get discouraged by the process (finding a job can be hard; not always, but sometimes it take some effort and disappointment - but hang in there and keep at it).

Eric


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#224291 - 05/15/08 12:31 AM Re: Time is running out *Vent Warning* [Re: ericc]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Great advice Eric!

Another thing to keep in mind is your local job market. I was living in Michigan and trying to land an IT position, ANY ENTRY-LEVEL position, even Geek Squad or Firedog. None of wanted me or needed anyone. (MI has an almost 8% unemployment rate, the worst in the country). I've recently moved out to Denver, CO and I've gotten 5 interviews in just 2 1/2 weeks. (I'm sure to get a job offer later this week with one of my upcoming interveiws). Go to where the jobs are if you can.


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#225077 - 05/19/08 01:47 PM Re: Time is running out *Vent Warning* [Re: Hauser]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jason,

You already have a lot of good comments above, I'll just add a brief one to suggest, first of all, that you prioritize. Decide what's most important. For me that's dead easy: my recovery is most important. I need to work on that in order to be a happy man at peace with himself. If I can't have that, what do I need money for?

The other comment would be to stay practical but at the same time be prepared to think out of the box. I like Alan's advice to you to stay in IT, unless you are just totally fed up and feel you would be miserable if you continue. But if there are nop jobs where you are, why not consider moving? See another part of the country? I know that may sound daunting, but we're all in the global village now anyway. It's not difficult to stay in contact with people.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#226814 - 05/26/08 12:02 PM Re: Time is running out *Vent Warning* [Re: Hauser]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
Hauser:

So you are another one that moved out of Michigan. I left there in November of 1982 after the 3rd of three different jobs that I had that year had gone bankrupt. It was kind of hard as I had lived my first 25 years there. I was born in Royal Oak and raised all across the NW suburbs. I still know many people there and an awful lot of them are hanging on the edge even as many of them are turning 50. My wife's family is there too. One brother-in-law was laid-off from a Dodge supplier that closed last year, another brother-in-law was laid-off from a truckline that went under, and another had to close down his small truckline. I've got a number of friends from my 10 years in Cleveland that are struggling too.

So, welcome to Denver. Hope that you quickly find a job. Fell free to ask me anything about Denver or Colorado.

Trucker51

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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