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#223620 - 05/10/08 10:02 PM REOCURING DEPRESION
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 979
Loc: HULBERT OK
I have ben fighting depresion fo over 30 years . Im Tired . I have tried almost every anti depresent on the market. Nothing seems to work fo long. I need to find a way out of this hole and stay out some how . Every time that I have a bout of depresion it is a little worse than the time before . I need some help but I do not know what to do.
The hate that I have for the SOB that raped me all of those years ago is like a cancer that is slowley eating my soul. Some times I wonder why the body goes on even though the soul is dieing a little more every day . I prey for an aunser but it does not seem to be comeing

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#223656 - 05/11/08 03:20 AM Re: REOCURING DEPRESION [Re: OKIE MIKE]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Michael,

Would you agree that the thing you need to do is let go of the hate? I don't mean forgive, but let go.

As I recall, the man who raped you is now dead. If I were in your position I would try to tell myself that I have absolutely nothing to gain from using up precious emotional resources hating a guy who's in his grave. I would tell myself that when I do that I am simply handing control of my feelings right back to him. Why should I do that?

I know this isn't easy to do. I worked on it in 2006 by writing a letter to the abuser (died 1994) telling him I wasn't going to waste any more of my time or energy on him. I went to the cemetery where he's buried and scattered the ashes of the letter over his grave. That symbolic act didn't solve the issue for me, but it did help. And now, every time I feel tempted to get worked up about him, I try to recall that act and tell myself he's not worth another second of my life. I need my strength for other more positive tasks.

Just a thought.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#223716 - 05/11/08 12:41 PM Re: REOCURING DEPRESION [Re: roadrunner]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7819
Michael,

It sounds like the depression and the hate you feel for the person who raped you are obviously linked. So it makes sense to try to offload the hate somehow in order to ease the depression. I like Larry's idea of writing a letter to the abuser and then symbolicly burning it. You don't have to be physically at his grave to do that. Maybe you could write a letter letting him know that you are not going to allow him the hold he has had on your life anymore. And then burn it in your backyard as a way of releasing him from your life. Afterwards, turn that energy towards working on how to change things in your own life that will make your life better. I hope you get some peace from all this, Michael, I really do.

_________________________
Eddie

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