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#223495 - 05/09/08 08:42 PM moving on is harder than I thought
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
Well it seems moving on is a process too. I still find myself coming back here.
I'm having a rough time of it and my depression has been kind of kicking my butt the last few days. Although I have been happy most of the time I still have my down times. I always expect too much too fast and set myself up for a fall. So I'm haveing a bit of a fall. At least its not full blown depression. Wish I could quit my meds but they work and I need them. but I don't like taking them. just bummed I got to still live with pills.

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_τΏτ_m__
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#223504 - 05/09/08 10:43 PM Re: moving on is harder than I thought [Re: GateKPR4]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Ricky
Don't be to hard on yourself. "Normal" people have ups and down regularly also. They vary in intensity also when they happen. You may be sensitive to feeling down and think the meds are not working but what you may actually be experiencing is a normal down that eveyone has now and then. No one and I do mean no one is up all the time. Cut your self some slack. Just because you are moving on does not necessarily mean you are going to be mellow all the time.

Welcome back anyway dude, now go have some ice cream.


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#223508 - 05/09/08 11:46 PM Re: moving on is harder than I thought [Re: Freedom49]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Hi Ricky,

You're right when you say that it is a process -- personally, I don't see healing as a sudden "Aha!" moment when we suddenly see a blinding light and begin to hear birds singing and only have thoughts of puppy dogs from that moment on. It's a gradual process, where we slowly learn how to undo the crap from the past and begin, however slowly, to learn to live a better life. And there's nothing wrong with doing that with the help of meds as well. We each do what we need to make our recovery work.

_________________________
Eddie

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#223563 - 05/10/08 04:08 PM Re: moving on is harder than I thought [Re: EGL]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
Thanks guys,
I'm doing better today. Spent the day in the yard doing work and I'm back on my regular meds. My doc changed my anxiety med to a longer acting one and it didn't go too well, so I had to go back to the old one. The med really got me bummed and even more anxious. Can't say I didn't try it. Well in the balancing act of medication I think we got it nailed down pretty good with the combo I'm on now and as Roger said everyone has down days and I can deal with that without a med change. I'll make it through this process, I just have to remember its a process and not a white light experience \:\)

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_τΏτ_m__
|| || || || || || |

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#223605 - 05/10/08 08:17 PM Re: moving on is harder than I thought [Re: GateKPR4]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Ricky,

I always found it useful to measure my progress by looking back say 6 months ago, as opposed to a week or month ago. Recovery is a process, yes, and it's also an attitude. It has always helped me to think of it as a path rather than a goal. That has been especially helpful in that it allowed me to see my presence here in a very positive sense - as working with others to see how we're doing and what ideas we can pick up.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#223615 - 05/10/08 09:02 PM Re: moving on is harder than I thought [Re: roadrunner]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
So true Larry,
My outlook has always been something that has gotten me through much of this. I'm on a path but sometimes I stray and got to walk in the uncharted territory. I would have never made it here if I had not strayed from my usual path. Now I'm on a new path and its a good one. two steps forward one back and making progress.
I really can't ask for more. I haven't looked back to my old posts from when I first came here, maybe it would not hurt to take a trip down recovery lane and see how far I have come on this path. I do know its been a life changing experience.

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_τΏτ_m__
|| || || || || || |

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#223659 - 05/11/08 03:28 AM Re: moving on is harder than I thought [Re: GateKPR4]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Ricky,

I bet looking back at old posts would indeed be an eye-opener for you. You'll see areas where you have changed a lot and others where you're still more or less in the same place. Take heart from the things you have learned, and as for the rest, well, they stay on the "to do" list.

One thing I learned was that progress often doesn't look like progress. I remember one day in T, for example, when my therapist and I were discussing the theme of worthlessness. At one point she said to me, "Larry, can you really imagine such a thing as a worthless child?" I had to say I couldn't, and that seemed like a huge breakthrough - right there at that instant. But later on I could see that I had been building up to that for a long time, but had just not achieved the decisive stage yet.

I would try to bear that in mind. Right now, at this moment, you are laying the foundations for good solid progress you will bring to a conclusion later on. So even if you don't see the results yet, be sure, my friend, that it's still happening all the same.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#223704 - 05/11/08 11:51 AM Re: moving on is harder than I thought [Re: roadrunner]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
I was reading some of the old posts this morning, have to search the boards for them but I went back to October 07 when I joined and read some of those. There was a lot of revealing in those posts. Now I see where I went from lettings the abuse control my life to learning how to move through it. I guess this stage is about learning more basics and just living . I was jumping the gun in my mind thinking that I was not going to need help anymore. Truth is I still do and I know where to find it. I know there is no shame in asking for help. There is no shame in asking questions on things I don't know about. There is also no shame in being me and who I am today. I have to remember that asking for help is how I made it this far. I will continue to ask for help and give it if I can to others on this path.

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_τΏτ_m__
|| || || || || || |

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#223706 - 05/11/08 12:00 PM Re: moving on is harder than I thought [Re: GateKPR4]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Dang right there's no shame! Great post, Ricky. Glad you did this and really glad you see how far you have come.

_________________________
Eddie

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#223715 - 05/11/08 12:38 PM Re: moving on is harder than I thought [Re: GateKPR4]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
One thing that seems to be common to everybody, but much more of a focus to those us that post here, is the search for a truly objective "yardstick"- that one might possess a better understanding of where exactly we stand, in both a personal and a historical sense.
There's nothing wrong with questioning yourself, or others- and no shame in admitting that one's perspective changes over time.
Thanks for posting.
"The unexamined life is not worth living" -Socrates
but also,
"We all do what we must; no more, and no less" - me

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

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