2. I fear that without my pushing him he won't do anything...
I felt the same way - and spent the better part of the past year pushing. I was incredibly surprised and overjoyed (if one can feel that way, when they hear of someone having a tough time) when, a few weeks after we broke up (his initiation) and thus I stopped pushing ,that my guy told me by email that he knew he had to see a psychologist and even had gotten some phone numbers. He hasn't been sleeping, he doesn't know why he feels the way he does, he knows how much he hurt me, etc. I don't know if he has gone yet (to therapy) but I thought it was a huge step for him, to admit that he needs therapy and needs it now - and then to get the phone numbers.
Although obviously I don't want him to need to be dealing with all this, I was sort of relieved to hear that the abuse and all its effects came crashing down on him. Because i think in this case it needed to get worse before it could get better.
(just for clarification, don't take this to mean that I am happy he is suffering - because I am so not - but especially after reading so many of the stories on this site, I am hoping that this is as close to "rock bottom" that he needs to hit, before he can get himself the help he needs)
and so...melissa... i don't want to advocate that you stop pushing, but I just want to say that he will come to it on his own when he is ready. And if you need some distance, you can take it for yourself - and perhaps as a bonus, it will kick-start something that will make him realize he needs to go to therapy.