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#223233 - 05/08/08 10:34 AM sometimes
Jarrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
i wish i wasn't attractive so i wouldn't have been a target.


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#223238 - 05/08/08 11:06 AM Re: sometimes [Re: Jarrad]
arronb Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/08
Posts: 1005
Loc: Perth
Jarrad ...

I bet ya was a cute kid ...
but unfortunately cute or not
kids in your situation are targets
Sad commentary on life it is,
but you certianly didn't deserve it
or to be treated that way tho.

If it helps ... I'll call ya ugly
next time I sees ya in chat ;\)

_________________________
Keep Smilin'
arronb

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#223241 - 05/08/08 11:16 AM Re: sometimes [Re: arronb]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Jarrad I can't count the times I have thought that and said that. I was carded at bars till I was 32 or 33 years old. My younger friends, even the underage ones with fake Id were jealous as they many times would not be looked at twice. Like Arron says it is a sad commentary.


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#223248 - 05/08/08 11:31 AM Re: sometimes [Re: Freedom49]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2590
I look at pictures of me as a kid and aside from when I was real young, I wasn't cute at all. I was quite the homely look kid, big freakin 80's style glasses that were 10 times too big for your face. I was hit some many times over it wasn't funny. I don't think perps really care what the kid looks like most of the time. After all, aside from the face we're all pretty much the same everywhere else.


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#223249 - 05/08/08 11:55 AM Re: sometimes [Re: Jarrad]
cbfull Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/26/07
Posts: 386
Loc: Ohio
Jarrad,

It's funny you should mention that. As a sort of contrast to your comment, I never saw myself as attractive as a kid. However, after the abuse, I had an unhealthy need to take care of myself to be as attractive as possible. I wanted to be able to continue the abuse with whomever I desired.

Anyone else develop those kind of feelings? It wouldn't surprise if this was a common thing mostly among the gay fellas.

_________________________
Craig

Guilt and shame have never done any of us any good at all.

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#223250 - 05/08/08 12:00 PM Re: sometimes [Re: cbfull]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
yup CBfull


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#223251 - 05/08/08 12:20 PM Re: sometimes [Re: Jarrad]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
I think it depends on the perp. There are different kinds of perps (of course).

In my pufferfish story no. 1 where I was a victim of kiddie porn, I think "cute" was definitely a factor. Perhaps that relates to Jarrad's comment.

There is a terrible book where a man (a small gang of young men) would take children and mess them up. The book is called The Man With the Candy. In that book it talks about them sizing up the children as to physical desirability.


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#223291 - 05/08/08 05:17 PM Re: sometimes [Re: pufferfish]
JustJeff Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/19/08
Posts: 262
Most perps don't care about looks it's about control mostly, so they(The Perps) are looking for kids that they can control easily using emotions or whatnot. looks do factor into it, but i think there negligible.

_________________________
.

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#223292 - 05/08/08 05:51 PM Re: sometimes [Re: JustJeff]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
That is probably true Jeff. It just didn't seem that way with the ones I met up with. At least they way that talked about me and other boys. That could have just me my experience.


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#223303 - 05/08/08 07:35 PM Re: sometimes [Re: Freedom49]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 982
Loc: HULBERT OK
Hey now, I am still good looking. Just look at my icon

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#223304 - 05/08/08 07:45 PM Re: sometimes [Re: Jarrad]
Stephen_5 Offline
BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/00
Posts: 667
Loc: Northern California Foothills
I just want to reiterate what everyone has said. I wasn't what I'd think of as cute kid, I was a little chubby (mom shopped for my clothes in the 'husky' dept.). For years afterward I ate too much so that I wouldn't be 'attractive' to 'those kind of people'. Now I know that I was just available and vulnerable; that it was not love or anything close to it; that it was abuse.

Take good care of yourself, Jarrad, it was never your fault!

Steve

_________________________
I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.
Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007)

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#223315 - 05/08/08 09:05 PM Re: sometimes [Re: Stephen_5]
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
Jarrad,

I know of someone with some similar history of yours, who have feel that same way so much to consider even the plastic surgery. I think he will not do that, but I am sure he can understand what you say of it.

One of the men who abuse me, in public, he always yell at me, tell me I am stupid or worthless, or that I am of no talent and will not succeed at anything. But in private, he use to tell me I was a 'beautiful boy'. I hate that word, 'beautiful', if it is anywhere near directed at me (which usual now, it won't be). Now, I know that I am not some such great looking person, but my regret is that I still look more 'young' for my age. I do not want that, I do not like that. People tell me I will be happy to look younger when I am older, but for now, it still make me uncomfortable.

Just try to remember, Jarrad, that abuse is less about sex (and so, less about any kind of 'attraction') and more about power and 'dominating' another person. How you look, it way to make yourself feel more guilty of it, and none of that guilt is yours. We are all gifted with our faces and bodies, and can do certain things to them, but some characteristics of them will always be there. Your 'gift' do not make you a target, and it is nothing wrong to look any way.

Andrei


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#223765 - 05/11/08 07:14 PM Re: sometimes [Re: ak]
feelingafraid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/08/08
Posts: 76
Loc: 5,471 FT above sea level




Edited by feelingafraid (11/24/08 06:36 PM)
_________________________
Hes a little boy let him be a little boy for the boy we never got to be.
Timmy

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#223766 - 05/11/08 07:17 PM Re: sometimes [Re: OKIE MIKE]
KeithR Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/06
Posts: 363
Loc: Georgia
Sometimes, I wish I'd hated by brother so I would have listened to him.


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