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#222822 - 05/06/08 11:55 AM In the bedroom...
Marissa Offline


Registered: 05/06/08
Posts: 67
I'll thank you all in advance for reading all of this - since I found this site, I Just kind of need to pour it all out in hopes of finding someone who understands....and so far so good....


Trigger warning...

I'm not sure if this needs a ::trigger:: warning as it gets a little detailed about certain sexual behaviors - but here it is just in case...



So - We actually started counseling about one year ago because I told him I was tired of him being in his own little world when we are having sex and I'm tired of feeling like a lab experiement - if I don't respond in certain ways or do certain things the way I "ought to", then he has has somehow failed and that provides yet more fuel for his negative self talk. But - let's explore ten more ways to get you to react the way I want you to next time....God I hate that. He has all these grand ideas about "what he's going to give me" - yet rarely pays attention to what I ask for or tell him I need. AND - he isn't good at taking NO for an answer during sex...you know - it deviates from the>

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#222826 - 05/06/08 12:08 PM Re: In the bedroom... [Re: Marissa]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Marissa,
From a survivors POV I can say that we are pretty messed up when it comes to sex. I have posted on several issues regarding this subject. We sometimes feel we need to orchastrate it in order to feel safe and not get triggered. Sometimes sadly there are those that are recreate the abuse situation in which we are the ones in control. That is terrible upsetting for our partners. It does not do us any good either. Being able to talk about it with my wife has helped us a lot. It is a tough situation though and I am sorry you are stuck in that place. Know that it is all fixable if the two of you can work though it together though.


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#222827 - 05/06/08 12:11 PM Re: In the bedroom... [Re: Marissa]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6365
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
Originally Posted By: Marissa
Is this a behavior that anyone else has experienced with their spouse or in themselves?


Yes for me...and my wife's reaction is fully duplicative of yours.

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#222831 - 05/06/08 12:18 PM Re: In the bedroom... [Re: Still]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2572
Yes, my wife, were she here on this site, would voice very similar statements to your. I've been married 9 years and can say that I've recently realized that we've never really "had sex". I've always disconnected or my mind has gone off somewhere else during sex. Now when I'm trying to stay in the present and turn my mind off, things are very very difficult. Lots of tension, anxiety, etc. Makes me want to avoid sex more often than not.


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#222835 - 05/06/08 12:39 PM Re: In the bedroom... [Re: JustScott]
Marissa Offline


Registered: 05/06/08
Posts: 67
Wow.

So - may I ask (and please don't answer if you don't want to) - is your ">

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#222845 - 05/06/08 01:41 PM Re: In the bedroom... [Re: Marissa]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2572
Hmmmmm If you're name wasn't Marissa, I'd be wondering if my wife was posting here ;-)

Well, I don't really have a>


Edited by JustScott (05/06/08 01:43 PM)

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#222847 - 05/06/08 01:53 PM Re: In the bedroom... [Re: JustScott]
Marissa Offline


Registered: 05/06/08
Posts: 67
Scott - I appreciate your honesty. And I promise I'm not your wife...LOL

Sorry - BDD = Body Dysmorphic Disorder

In short - the inability to look at and judge what one sees in the mirror accurately. It does not extend to other people, only yourself.

I have BDD as well - no matter what - when I look in the mirror I look fat. I'm getting better - but the knowledge that I had it basically forced me to form other methods of determining my self worth outside of how much I weighed or how fat my thighs looked that day.

It's a really nice feeling to accept your body just the way it is and not have it really matter whether or not it meets society's criteria for "sexy".


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