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#222662 - 05/05/08 07:02 PM should have known
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
I keep getting triggered by mentions of attraction to girls at a young age (10-11). Whenever I see on TV or hear on the radio someone telling a story about how they were attacted to girls in 6th grade or they noticed girls breasts, it gets me to figuring that if this is happening at 11, I should have known enough by 13 to know that what my brother was doing was wrong. Now I was in 7th grade at the time I had been left back but still. All my T can say is "You really think you said to your brother 'lets have sex'?"

It makes me feel so ashamed, I am getting better though, I used to HAVE to change the channel or the station when I could sense it coming now I force my self to continue to listen

Jason

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#222663 - 05/05/08 07:11 PM Re: should have known [Re: onlyakid]
youthfulheart62 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/19/07
Posts: 93
Loc: New Jersey(exit3)
Jason,
I have been going to SAA group in Chester,Pa and it has help..

Julian


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#222673 - 05/05/08 08:18 PM Re: should have known [Re: youthfulheart62]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2466
Loc: UK
sometimes i see kids and i see their confidence and i think, wait a miute, was i like that at that age, was i that confident and seemingly full of knowledge, and it annoys me for a second. But then i think, if that person had been in my situation, how would that person have reacted, and it brings me back to reality, and i realise that confronted with that kind of situation that person probably would have unravelled and been just as confused and frightened as i was, if not more.

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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#222919 - 05/06/08 08:14 PM Re: should have known [Re: onlyakid]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jason,

Originally Posted By: jtt5254
I should have known enough by 13 to know that what my brother was doing was wrong.


If you look back I bet it all happened so fast that you never had a chance to think or decide about right or wrong. There's also the element of powerlessness. So many boys comply with what is demanded of them simply because they don't see they have a choice. Or if there's a choice, that other choice looks pretty terrible too. A big brother who says, "Do it or i won't like you anymore" is hitting a pretty raw nerve for most young boys, who desperately want the approval and affection of their big brothers. A 13 yo, especially if he has already been abused, is not necessarily in a position to see through this and realize that he deserves the attention without giving sex in return.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#222932 - 05/06/08 09:02 PM Re: should have known [Re: onlyakid]
TNuss Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/28/06
Posts: 202
Loc: Del-A-Ware???
Jason,

To help me deal with some of my issues I'm writting an email(that I will probably not send) to one of my abusers in it I mention how remember talking with friends about girls and watch porn, but still not realizing what had happen to me was actual wrong.

It wasn't till my first experience with a girl did I realize something wasn't with what had happen at that point I surpressed everything.

We were young, we didn't and couldn't have known.

Take care!

_________________________
All my best!!!

In harmony,
Troy
________________________________________________________
I hug myself daily until the day I find the embrace that completes me.

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