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#222477 - 05/04/08 02:41 PM tired, defeated, uncertain.
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1934
Loc: durham, north england
I'm really sorry, this is going on from the fear thread again. I stil don't know how to deal with this thing I've discovered or what I should do about it, and despite the fact that I've had a good week, got work done, een to here a paper in the department and spent yesterday with a friend, I'm just completely shattered! I haven't even been able to face posting on ms, sinse it's seemed to difficult.

Okay, I've had a look at the realization that frightens me, ---- but it stil does. I talked through it with my t, ---- and in fact I'm really not looking forward to seeing her tomorrow because we'll have to discuss it again. I got some really helpful replies in the thread, ---- thanks people. I've read them several times, but however much energy I put into considdering this I just can't shift it.

I'm okay when I've got the energy to destract myself, ---- I even got some work done this week, but as soon as I run out of energy, i just crash, and this thing's staring me in the face again.

I tried to talk this over with one friend, but that didn't work, even though she's been really helpful with me, and I couldn't articulate my thoughts in the end because it was too frightening, ---- I just told her there was something I didn't want to discuss.

I even seemed to have gone from insomnia to narcolepsy over night. This morning I was great, running around in really good humer getting writing done, ---- I even did some almost serious cooking. It got to five O.clock though and I just crashed, now I'm just lying here, with this realization pounding my skull and I don't know what to do.

Okay, i recognize it, okay, I know it's there, but what do I do about it?

I'm sorry, again, i've got myself crried away in this post, in fact I better post it before i talk myself out of it.


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#222528 - 05/04/08 09:14 PM Re: tired, defeated, uncertain. [Re: dark empathy]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Luke,
You poor guy you must be going nuts. I have a suggestion. You might try writing it out in paper and pen. Just to sort it out. You don't need to post here if it is to cumbersome for you but just jot a few thoughts here and there as they come then go back later and analyse them. Maybe take them to your T and see what he/she says. It might help putting somehting in solid form.


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#222538 - 05/04/08 10:36 PM Re: tired, defeated, uncertain. [Re: Freedom49]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Luke,

There's no need to apologize for anything here, you are having a tough time with things so you should be here talking about it, that's what this place is all about. The best advice I would give is to keep talking about what's going on inside you. I know that's really hard to do at times, but I think it's the only way to get over some of these hills. They're hard to climb at times, but sometimes we just can't go around them.

_________________________
Eddie

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#222610 - 05/05/08 12:11 PM Re: tired, defeated, uncertain. [Re: EGL]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1934
Loc: durham, north england
thanks people.

Roger, sinse being visually impared my handwriting is sort of non-existant, doing my thoughts on paper wouldn't work, but I do take the point and the advice. That's why very much with that idea in mind I worte poem 12 (I couldn't even think of a title, but I'm pretty awful at titles anyway). Along with my other eleven poems, I've saved a copy which I can then think about.

I've just seen my t, and while I don't feel any further on, I do at least feel less immediately bothered. I stil don't know what to do about this thing, and I'm really sorry EGL and everyone else that i will probably be posting about it some more, ---- in fact coming back to this topic now, and writing the poem this morning I'm realizing how helpful writing things here is just for it's own sake, ---- even aside from the really great comments I always get.


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