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#222557 - 05/05/08 12:27 AM Re: Trying [Re: EGL]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
And I was getting a kick out of seeing the dirt fly out of that hole too! Flashback to the cartoons I used to see \:\)

Eddie is right, of course. Neither of you've done anything wrong so come on up out of that hole any time you're ready \:\) Larry, you've got so many people on the local level that love and care about you. While you must take care of yourself in all this, I'm sure they'll be willing to receive input from you on what you're comfortable facing and what you're not. Don't be afraid to discuss all this with them so you don't feel railroaded in someway.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#225130 - 05/19/08 04:40 PM Re: Trying [Re: WalkingSouth]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
So ... my conference is over and here I am back in PA until the end of the month. I had just about forgotten the unfinished business at the church where so much of the abuse took place, until I was contacted today by the pastor I wrote to back in 2006.

He told me he is so very sorry at what happened to me, and he said the church failed me miserably. He wants to extend his apologies, but also wants to know if I can come to the church to talk to them. He, the leaders of the Session, and representatives of the presbytery will be meeting at the church at 10:30 to discuss my case, and they would like to know if I can join them at 11:30.

They want to hear whatever I feel I need to say, and they would be especially grateful if I can offer any insights on how they can make the church and its activities safer for kids. They don't have an end time in mind. He says they want to hear me out and they will end when I think it's time to quit.

So here's a processing task. I told them I would be happy to meet them on Wednesday, and now I have to decide what I want to say. That won't be too difficult - but cutting it down to just one afternoon will be rough!

I'm looking forward to the meeting. I think I can handle it and I think I can use the opportunity to achieve something positive. But still, it's rather daunting.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#225142 - 05/19/08 05:12 PM Re: Trying [Re: roadrunner]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Larry,

I've no doubt you're up to the challenge (even the task of trimming it down \:\) ). You'll do well in that regard.

I'm keeping you and Little Larry in my thoughts and prayers as you go through this time. Your little guy may start clamoring for you to keep him safe, etc., and I know how that can sneak up on a person bringing out the unexpected emotions.

Hugs,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#225146 - 05/19/08 05:41 PM Re: Trying [Re: WalkingSouth]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
Hope it all goes well for you Larry,
Remember no caffeine or sugar before the meeting..lol \:\)
Have some ice cream after. I'm sure you would enjoy that after a meeting such as this. Sounds like progress and I'm glad you have the chance to talk to them.
peace & light

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_ô¿ô_m__
|| || || || || || |

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#225153 - 05/19/08 06:06 PM Re: Trying [Re: GateKPR4]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Well, Larry it is finally here. You get to say your piece. Now the anxiety begins. I know that feeling. Remember to breathe. Write it all down as I am sure you have. My suggestion, hit the bullets and let them ask questions for details and specifics. The impact will be greater I think. They sound sincere I would assume that was true. Good luck.


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#225182 - 05/19/08 08:21 PM Re: Trying [Re: Freedom49]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Wow. I very rarely come to this forum, in fact, I haven't been here since my last post in this thread; it seems like I've missed alot.

Larry, if anyone can do this, you can, I'm quite sure of this. It's time for you to take so much of your own wonderful advice to others and apply it to yourself - I'm certain it's good stuff. My thoughts will be with you.

ROCK ON.......Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#225591 - 05/21/08 05:21 PM Re: Trying [Re: Trish4850]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Well, it's done!!! I went to the church at 11:30 this morning and had my meeting with the pastor, the church's legal counsel, and the two main directors of the Presbytery. These last two people are especially important since they manage the affairs of all the Presbyterian churches in central PA.

I arrived early and the pastor came out of his office straightaway to greet me and take me into the meeting. They were all very friendly and said how much they appreciated me coming. They said I should tell them whatever I felt they needed to hear about CSA and its effects on boys, and that I should not spare the church in any way - if I had harsh opinions they wanted to hear them.

We talked for two hours and I spoke on the basis of some prepared notes I had in my pocket. But as I was reaching for them I thought no, I can just DO this. So I spoke off the cuff, but with those notes in mind. They were stunned at what I was saying and said they had no idea the problem was this big or that the effects of CSA were so devastating.

I could go on forever, but to get to the main point, the director of the Presbytery said he's absolutely convinced that CSA is a problem the church in our area has to face as immediate and urgent. He wants to establish educational and awareness programs in central PA so parents and others will know how to "read" the danger signs, how to help abused kids, and how to encourage them to talk and seek help. He says they have no idea how they would even start, and he asked if I will help work with them on this. We will be in touch in the next few days.

As we were getting ready to leave the pastor said he wanted to offer a prayer and was that okay. I told him sure, go for it, and it was really really nice. After that the reps from the Presbytery left and the pastor showed me around the church. He knew I had been abused in just about every room in the old part of the complex, so he asked me if I was okay. I lied and said yes and he took me around.

I was in tears as we walked down the old dark corridor (lots of old photos and memorabilia) to the room I remember so well. It wasn't the pastor's study, as I had thought, but the church parlor, and it was much the same as it was decades ago - kind of frozen in time. I was trying to show Little Larry that it's just a room - nothing bad can happen to us there, or anywhere. The pastor saw I was upset and asked if he could stay with me - which was nice. He asked if I wanted to say anything, and I just mumbled something about how I was treated worse than an animal in this room, like week after week after week. I wasn't angry, I just felt so much grief.

As I was leaving the pastor said he was grateful to me for coming and the Presbytery would be looking forward to working with me. I was waiting outside for my brother-in-law to pick me up a bit later, and the pastor came out and asked was I okay, which was also nice.

It was a clear morning, so I walked over to the old colonial cemetery and back to the abuser's grave, which I had last seen with Cathie in February 2006. That time I was so scared I could hardly stand. This time it was different. I felt safe and confident. I could stare at the stone with his name on it and think "You sure did mess with the wrong boy back in 1959". I'm looking forward to working with these people and I really do think they are taking the issue seriously.

The director of the Presbytery also said he hoped that working together would help me restore my connection with God. It totally floored me that he said that. It just never occurred to me that he would care, or that anyone would care. I still have difficulty with that.

This has been one of the most difficult posts I have ever written. I hope it doesn't come across as too dramatic. I won't revise it - it's exactly what I feel right now, and that's what I want you all to see.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#225600 - 05/21/08 06:30 PM Re: Trying [Re: roadrunner]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Larry,
I am still crying but I want to tell you that I think that was amazingly brave to go there. Expecially the tour. I was moved to weep when you talked of standing in that room where so many terrible things happened to you. I can relate but not here. I feel for you staring at his grave. Some day soon I will return to my dads site and I am not sure how I will feel but I am positive it will not be near what I am sure you felt there. He took more than your body as that pastor is fully aware. He damaged your spirit and your connection to your maker. I am in hope that this connection may some day be restored as well as your faith in church leaders. There are still many good ones that are doing the best they know how. Thank you for sharing that.

Now I need some chocolate...


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#225606 - 05/21/08 07:07 PM Re: Trying [Re: Freedom49]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Larry, as I told you yesterday, I knew you could do this and I'm glad you did. As incredibly painful as I'm sure it must have been for you, I feel like it was necessary and that you will reap some healing from this. It sounds like they were very receptive to what you had to say, which is great, and now hopefully we'll see some greater good come out of all this. What an incredible legacy for all of this is if this causes others to not have to go through similar pain in the future. Well done, my good friend!

_________________________
Eddie

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#225649 - 05/21/08 09:39 PM Re: Trying [Re: EGL]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Larry,

I'm so proud of you. What you did today took courage and faith and a determination to make sure that the children of that church are safe. They may never know what you've done, but if they did they'd all buy you ice cream.

I hope you spend tonight giving and getting the hugs you deserve {just don't spill the Bailey's} \:\)

ROCK ON...........Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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