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#221213 - 04/28/08 08:18 PM My fears on therapy
tazrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/22/08
Posts: 88
Loc: FL USA
I have had fears about entering therapy. I have aided these fears for the last twenty-four years. I went to one session with a therapist when I was 12 shortly after the discovery of the CSA. I told him(the therapist) and my parents that I did not need help for my CSA. And I have been telling everyone else the same thing for the last two and half decades.

Now, I am married to my second wife because I could not communicate with the first wife. This wife is a lot more stubborn and loves me very much. She has made me realize that I cannot communicate. I donít know if the CSA and my lack of communication skills have anything to do with each other but we will find out.

I fought off therapy for all these years because I told myself I like and I went to his house. He never called me or flagged me down. It was me who went to him. I read on this site that I was not old enough to understand sex. And it is not my fault.



I fought off therapy for all these years because I told myself I donít have a problem. I am just as normal as the next guy. Yet, I have one friend and one long distance friend. That may have nothing to do with anything but is it because I canít communicate?



I fought off therapy for all these years because I told myself that therapy does not work. I based this on whatÖ.. I have never try it.



So, I began thinking about the reasons why I fought for so long. I have come to realized with the help of this site that my reasons are wrong. I have decided to turn my fighting to something that just might help me. I am going to find a therapist. Actually, from chatting with all you guys over the past week, therapy will help and my life will be better. I know I am just in the beginning of my healing, but it is a great step.

I am looking for a good therapist in the Tallahassee Florida area. If anyone knows of one, let me know.

Thank you,

Tazrad


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#221216 - 04/28/08 08:25 PM Re: My fears on therapy [Re: tazrad]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5778
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
Check out:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/consumers-guide.html

There aren't any listed for Tallahassee but maybe someone here knows one in that area.

Also, you could go to http://www.rainn.org and plug in your zip code. Call around and ask if the agency has any clinicians with experience with male survivors.

Good luck,
Ken


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#221217 - 04/28/08 08:26 PM Re: My fears on therapy [Re: tazrad]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Tazrad,
You are absolutely correct. If you find a good therapist you will be thrilled. He will help you see things, good things and myabe bad things that you yourself cannot or will not see on your own. Your communication and life with improve immensly. You will need a good one though. So I hope you get some good recommendations from this site. Some one who specializes in CSA.

Also on a sid note, just because you went to his house gave him no right to abuse your innocence.

Good luck.


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#221223 - 04/28/08 08:48 PM Re: My fears on therapy [Re: Freedom49]
dannym Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/24/07
Posts: 543
Loc: Boulder, Colorado
Tazrad, I think you will benefit a lot from a good therapist... but as Roger said, find one that you connect with.

I find that my therapist helps me stay focused. He doesn't give me the answers, but he helps me come up with my own solutions. He is great. He does not know what it is like to be abused, and he admits it. But he does know how to listen to me - validate my feelings and offer channels to help my recovery. He has made a huge difference in my life.

Good luck
Dan

_________________________
"You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head."

Marge Simpson

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#221332 - 04/29/08 08:22 AM Re: My fears on therapy [Re: dannym]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2574
Definitely take that guide to finding a therapist and put it to use. I did and it's made a world of difference. A good therapist can definitely help. It's helped me immensely and I've been able to figure things out that I would never have on my own.

It's definitely worth it!


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#221341 - 04/29/08 08:45 AM Re: My fears on therapy [Re: JustScott]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Tazrad,

I'm glad I had the opportunity to welcome you to the site in chat the other evening. I'm just sorry I had to go so quickly. Please do PM me if you would like to chat sometime.

You will find a lot of support and understanding here on MaleSurvivor, and this question of therapy is a good example. Keep asking questions about this! That's the best way to get answers and show yourself that there's nothing to be afraid of.

Believe me, every guy who is in therapy here began more or less as you are doing: with a lot of anxiety and apprehension. But these are precisely the things the therapist will help you with. You will learn that it really wasn't your fault, that "you like it" is an easy trap to fall into, that so many of us went to the abuser willingly, and so on.

You know what? When it was my "T day" I at first felt like a lamb being taken for slaughter; I felt so ashamed and uncomfortable. Then after a time I noticed that I had two safe places in the world: my house and my T's office. By the time I ended therapy (July 2007) I was really looking forward to seeing her; an issue would come up during the week and I would think, "Okay, gotta note that down to tell Gillian".

There are real questions to consider and I think Ken's article is the ideal place to start. But hey, the bottom line is that working with a T really is the way to go. We need the professional help to guide us through the minefields with the least possible new pain and trauma, and all we are doing is asking for the help we need. Everyone should be doing that.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#221931 - 05/01/08 11:53 AM Re: My fears on therapy [Re: roadrunner]
tazrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/22/08
Posts: 88
Loc: FL USA
Thank you all for your comments.
I have an appointment with a T on May 15. So to hell with the fears.

Tazrad


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#221938 - 05/01/08 12:21 PM Re: My fears on therapy [Re: tazrad]
Stephen_5 Offline
BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/00
Posts: 667
Loc: Northern California Foothills
Tazrad,

It is heartening for me to see you dealing with this now. I waited until I was fifty before I started. One of the reasons that I resisted was that, according to my father, "therapy is a sign of weakness, a strong person should be able to deal with any situation" or something to that effect. What a load of crap!

Give it a good effort, talk, cry if you want to, let it out, move forward with you life and your loved ones and heal.

Take good care of yourself,

Steve

_________________________
I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.
Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007)

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#221949 - 05/01/08 12:55 PM Re: My fears on therapy [Re: Stephen_5]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2574
Glad to hear you got a T. It's scary at first, but I'll tell ya it's well worth it! It's been a huge help in my journey thus far.

Keep talking! You seem to be moving in the right direction already!


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