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#22109 - 02/08/04 05:53 PM Doctor fears
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
I have been sick so much since starting dealing with the abuse issues, last June. And I have been totally sick for 2 months now, having to see doctors, take medicine, go back, all that. Now I find out some strange things in last time I have blood done for lab work, and have to have more taken, and go back to doctor on Wednesday for different test. I am sick of it, I am tired of it, and scared to keep going to doctors so much. Never have I liked going, even when I use to be sick a lot when I was child. Being sick, or having anything at all wrong physicaly, it just make me feel I am wrong, I am bad, I done something wrong. Am finally getting past the habit of sleeping in bathroom when I am sick, because that was how it was when I was child. It is like being sick, or having to deal with doctors, it is so much fear and frustration to me now, I do not even know what I am doing. I do not want to even know if something wrong anymore, or what is wrong. I just hate it all, but I know I have to go back, to 'take care of myself', which is suppose to be good thing, right? Just tired, and frustrated, and confused now. Sorry.

leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#22110 - 02/08/04 06:31 PM Re: Doctor fears
theo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/28/03
Posts: 1117
leosha,
i hear you. the frustration is almost unbearable, but you have come too far. it is okay to be angry and frustrated. share it with those who will listen like here as you do and with the lady you share your dreams with. let it happen, but let it happen safely.

_________________________
journey well,
theo dewolfe

- It is gift, and gift will find its way
- I inherit through my choice. I build through my affirmation. It is through my freedom that I nurture, or fade into autonomy
- I was not given to serve life, but to embrace it

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#22111 - 02/08/04 08:10 PM Re: Doctor fears
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
Hey Leosha - Like Theo, I hear your frustration...feelings like things will never end! The worry of illness! But, one thing I am glad for - that you are talking and venting and sharing your feelings here! It's when we DON'T talk but keep those feelings in that we cause more hurt and pain. I'm sorry you are going through these tough times BUT keep sharing and talking with the guys! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!

((((((((((hugs))))))))))

Howard

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

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#22112 - 02/08/04 08:27 PM Re: Doctor fears
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Leosha
this is just a though, a lot of "illness" can be psychosomatic - we think we might be ill, and therefore we begin to feel ill.
And I know from my own experience that I have done that when I'm feeling depressed or stressed.

I could turn feeling a "bit down" into some terminal disease right away.
A lot of feeling better physically is about feeling better with yourself mentally.
And you're not crazy - are you ;\)

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#22113 - 02/08/04 09:26 PM Re: Doctor fears
FlyWM Offline
Member

Registered: 09/14/03
Posts: 322
Loc: Michigan
I know you must be so frustrated, you have been going through so much of it lately. I believe it is common to feel you are doing wrong when you are sick when you are forced to believe it is all your fault and that you are always wrong, I know I sometimes feel that way. I know you just want to stop with all this medical stuff, but you do need to take care of yourself. You are my friend and I hate to see you so sick, I hope these new tests will reveal the source of all your illnesses. You have come so far just in the time I have known you, so I know you are strong and can make it through the frustration, I know that is not easy or fun, but you can make it. Keep taking care of yourself and keep fighting, I am glad you vent here, it can be quite theraputic. Good luck my friend.

scott

_________________________
Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible in not a declaration, it's a dare.

--Adidas

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#22114 - 02/08/04 09:47 PM Re: Doctor fears
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
Leosha,

Our physical state takes a toll on our mental state, and our mental state takes a toll on our physical state. A closely intertwined coexistence. An upturn in one can bring the other up.

Going to the doctor is never for a good reason. We donít go just for the enjoyment of it, something needs to be wrong with us or for a physical to make sure nothing is. I am glad that you are going to the doctors to take care of yourself, even though it is frustrating. Hopefully they will be able to figure out the cause of your illness so you can address it.

I, too, have a fear of doctors. A result of a fondling neurologist. I have just recently began to go back to doctors, begin to take care of my physical needs. I applaud your courage to face the fear of doctors and to take care of yourself.

Talk and take care of your emotional needs and fears. Let them out, rather than keeping them in. I, for one, will listen and I think a lot of our brothers will too.

Best wishes,
Bill

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#22115 - 02/11/04 01:49 PM Re: Doctor fears
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Leo,

You have nothing to be sorry for. Everyone whose been sick can say that they're tired of dealing with it. If there was an easy way of dealing with it, I'd share with you, but there isn't.

I do care though, brother, and my thoughts are with you, which may not seem enough (does it ever? :rolleyes: ), but they are. As well as my prayers, best wishes, and any other positive karma I can throw your way.

Peace, love, and write me when you can, brother.

Scot

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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#22116 - 02/16/04 12:46 AM Re: Doctor fears
Texas_Mike Offline
Member

Registered: 01/17/04
Posts: 135
Loc: San Antonio, Texas-The Lone-St...
leo...


it's tuff being a jock, and not being active because of injuries or ill health..so you probably need to do what's right.


get well.

run 2 live------live 2 run


MIKE

_________________________
"Passion, excitement, and confidence are the important medicines that you need every day"

Run 2 Live-Live 2 Run

Best,
"The Desert Runner" Mike

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#22117 - 02/16/04 01:39 AM Re: Doctor fears
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
nadeyus', nichevo seryoznava!

vyzdaravlivayte!
Bill

(I hope I didn't just make it to the messed up translations page by telling you to eat 17 jelly-filled doughnuts while standing on your head. :rolleyes: )

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#22118 - 02/19/04 02:38 AM Re: Doctor fears
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
Bill,

Why put the doberman in the microwave? Ha ha. Thank you.

Still in fear. Have bad appointment yesterday, that upset me. I am tired of all this.

Leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#22119 - 02/20/04 01:36 AM Re: Doctor fears
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
Sorry about that Leosha,

And I didn't mean to put a doberman in the microwave. (everybody knows they go in the dishwasher)

Bill

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#22120 - 03/10/04 10:11 PM Re: Doctor fears
flea Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/10/04
Posts: 6
Loc: wpg ,canada
i here you.i was abused by doctor and a nurse.you are told to trust people in that profession.i HATE going to them.it brings up to much stuff.take care.


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#22121 - 03/10/04 11:15 PM Re: Doctor fears
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
Flea, I am sorry of that. I have a friend, one of his abusers was a doctor, and I know that makes so much trouble for him when it comes to trying to get medical care. I hope you will be doing better soon.

leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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