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#221083 - 04/28/08 12:57 PM what do you want from your abuser.
justanother121 Offline
New Here

Registered: 04/14/08
Posts: 24
what do you want from your abuser?


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#221089 - 04/28/08 01:10 PM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2582
Nothing really, they've done enough already. Guess I could say I want them to never cross my path again really.


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#221090 - 04/28/08 01:10 PM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
I would have liked my dad to apologize. To ask forgivness and admit what he did was horrible and shameful and that he would like to make it up to me somehow. I want him to say he is proud of me and the way I overcame all his damage. That I was a good kid. That I did nothing wrong.

that will never happen. Moot point. Some issues are no longer worth attending to justanother. Think about it.


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#221098 - 04/28/08 01:19 PM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: Freedom49]
menspeakout Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/05/08
Posts: 36
The one thing I want from my abuser is to accept that I exist as a male survivor. Abusers almost always deny what they did and in the process deny that we exist as individuals wounded at THEIR hand.

Truthfully the only thing I expect from him is to hear me.

_________________________
Break The Silence
http://www.menspeakoutnow.com
http://www.womenspeakoutnow.com

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#221137 - 04/28/08 03:19 PM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: menspeakout]
OKIE MIKE Online   content
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 982
Loc: HULBERT OK
For him to realise that he destroyed my life . And that I will NEAVER forget what he did .

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#221147 - 04/28/08 03:39 PM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: OKIE MIKE]
JustJeff Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/19/08
Posts: 262
For him to get seriously injured and also to never cross my path again.

_________________________
.

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#221150 - 04/28/08 03:51 PM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: JustJeff]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Don't know, to rest in peace and maybe finally understand what she did to me. To finally feel me maybe.

To feel what I feel, maybe I'm hoping too much.

Mike

_________________________
Thriving

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#221151 - 04/28/08 03:55 PM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: mogigo]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2503
Loc: Denver, CO
nada


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#221154 - 04/28/08 04:06 PM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: MarkK]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2466
Loc: UK
nothing, i dont think, maybe answers, like why

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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#221157 - 04/28/08 04:16 PM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: king tut]
ineffable Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/08
Posts: 1371
Loc: state of holeecrapdood
Nothing from them
BUT... I want them to know that I am reclaiming my manhood, my sexuality & my vulnerability

_________________________
:: "Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there" ::


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#221168 - 04/28/08 04:43 PM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: ineffable]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2015
Loc: durham, north england
Absolutely nothing. Asking for a reason why or some sort of recognition from them would be pointless, they probably don't even remember, and if they do they probably stil think it was just harmless joking.

I doubt I'll ever see them again, which is fine with me.


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#221174 - 04/28/08 05:00 PM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
Quote:
what do you want from your abuser.


Why do you want to know?

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_τΏτ_m__
|| || || || || || |

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#221177 - 04/28/08 05:13 PM . [Re: ineffable]
bardo213 Offline
Guest

Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
,.


Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 06:03 PM)

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#221181 - 04/28/08 05:25 PM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: ineffable]
KENKEN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO
I want answers to why, just why did he, how could he sexual abuse his younger brother.

Answers to questions I probably will never get, but dammit, I still want them.

Ken

_________________________
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

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#221188 - 04/28/08 06:27 PM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: GateKPR4]
mike5 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/01/07
Posts: 170
Loc: Cleveland, OH
Originally Posted By: GateKPR4
Why do you want to know?


Good question GateKPR4 - seems a bit strange to post four messages asking "what was the one charateristic of your abuser," "what do you want from your abuser," "write a letter to your abuser," and "what has the abuse cost you" all on the same day. The only other posts by justanother121 are three posts of the same poem. Are you out there justanother121? What are you looking for?

Mike


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#221190 - 04/28/08 06:47 PM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: mike5]
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
Nothing, even though some has been offered.

andrei


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#221220 - 04/28/08 08:38 PM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: ak]
tazrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/22/08
Posts: 88
Loc: FL USA
To stay in jail for his full term. 50 years


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#221260 - 04/28/08 11:40 PM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: ineffable]
HurtinginMD Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/08
Posts: 74
Loc: Cranston, RI
nothing but to be left alone....

_________________________
I want always to be a boy and have fun... (Peter Pan)

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#221324 - 04/29/08 06:27 AM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
Hourglass52 Offline


Registered: 04/16/08
Posts: 59
Loc: New York
MONEY!!! I was raped buy a so called CERTIFIED Psychologist for New York State. When I find another victim that was at that halfway house that will testify I will be reimbursed for all of the money I have shelled out for therapy, and more.( Red neck victim's retirement)



Edited by Hourglass52 (04/29/08 06:29 AM)
_________________________
" This above all: To thine own self be true" (William Shakespeare).

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#221343 - 04/29/08 08:54 AM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: ineffable]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Nothing. I wrote him out of my life and concerns and I just don't bother with him anymore. Or at least, this is the attitude i try to adhere to.

But I understand that for some guys this question is of vital importance. If the abuser is your parent or sibling, for example, I can imagine a guy might want reconciliation provided it comes under the right terms.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#221347 - 04/29/08 09:02 AM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: roadrunner]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
I want nothing from them. I'm concentrated on making myself better, and anything from them won't help that.

_________________________
Eddie

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#221506 - 04/29/08 05:05 PM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: EGL]
RobertRent Offline


Registered: 04/29/08
Posts: 11
I would want to know why me.
Was it my looks or did I jsut look like an easy target.


Top
#221648 - 04/30/08 08:24 AM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: RobertRent]
silent_witness Offline
New Here

Registered: 03/19/08
Posts: 9
Loc: Wales - United Kingdom
Good question,

I wouldn't want an apology from him... or wish him any unwell. He couldn't say anything to make me feel better.

Just the admission of what he did so I can move on knowing that it isn't in my head and that it really happened and then I can find some closure to the mess that I have made to my life over the last 12 months.

Then I can break free from this sentence!!!

Silent Witness


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#221655 - 04/30/08 09:06 AM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
jcf1957 Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/11/07
Posts: 192
Loc: North Of The 49th Parallel
I was raped by two men and a woman. What do I want from them ?
Not a damned thing. Suffering shit, I don't even know their identities. That was almost thirty years ago. I only want my soul that they stole from me. I'd like my assailants to know in exacting detail what it feels to go through thirty years of fucking hell with deep pain inside their hearts.
Damn; maybe that is asking too much. What ever happened to the Golden Rule: "Do onto others as you would have done to
yourself" ? Out the door like a lot of morals.
Anyways I'm not their judge.
They all have to confront their Maker when the chapter of their life comes to an end. I just want peace from my past, that's all.




Edited by jcf1957 (04/30/08 12:41 PM)
_________________________
No affliction nor temptation, no guilt nor power of sin, no wounded spirit nor terrified conscious should induce us to despair comfort from God.

Today well lived...makes every tomorrow a vision of Hope.
Anonymous

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#221670 - 04/30/08 10:21 AM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: jcf1957]
hogan_dawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
I'm not exactly sure what I want. Sometimes I say "Oh I want nothing from him" and other times I think "I want him to get what he did to me" but of course that has a 0.01 probability of happening and other times I think "I want acknowledgment of what he did to me" and other times I think I want financial compensation for a life ruined.

Yeah I think now, today, acknowledgment of the crime would suit me as a starting point. There are a lot of debts owed me by this person. But they can't be repayed without that basic acknowledgment.

_________________________
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

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#221691 - 04/30/08 11:52 AM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: ineffable]
Corbin327 Offline


Registered: 04/29/08
Posts: 38
Loc: New York
Prison

_________________________
The sacred lies in the ordinary

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#221712 - 04/30/08 01:24 PM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: Corbin327]
OKIE MIKE Online   content
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 982
Loc: HULBERT OK
his head on a silver plater

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#221716 - 04/30/08 01:50 PM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: OKIE MIKE]
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
It seem to me that to want something 'from' them, would be to put yourself in their power again. Beside, with very few exceptions, it is not as we are going to get anything from them. It seem to me it is better question to ask, what am I going to give to myself, or do for myself, to get my life better then it is?

andrei


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#230746 - 06/13/08 02:58 PM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: silent_witness]
justanother121 Offline
New Here

Registered: 04/14/08
Posts: 24
my favorite song.


Top
#230771 - 06/13/08 05:58 PM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
jcf1957 Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/11/07
Posts: 192
Loc: North Of The 49th Parallel
Nothing. Sweet Fuck All.

For Thirty Years I have been tormented by my past

I just want peace. A tranquil soul that no longer feels pain.

Is that so much to ask ?

_________________________
No affliction nor temptation, no guilt nor power of sin, no wounded spirit nor terrified conscious should induce us to despair comfort from God.

Today well lived...makes every tomorrow a vision of Hope.
Anonymous

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#230774 - 06/13/08 06:10 PM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: jcf1957]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11104
Loc: Denver, CO
#1 - one look at him today
#2 - her ear, already got it
#3 - his death, already happened

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#230780 - 06/13/08 06:59 PM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: FormerTexan]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
I just want to be left alone.

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#230784 - 06/13/08 07:24 PM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: BJK]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1245
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
I want him to get better and do something good for the world for once.

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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#230799 - 06/13/08 08:10 PM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: BJK]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
Let's see. I'll make a list: ****May Be Triggering****

1) Don't know them. They were maybe age 8-10 when I was age 5. I am worried that they were victims too.

2) Just found him. Senior partner at a respected investment firm in South Burlington, VT. I've thought a lot about it. At first I thought that maybe I would call him and ask a really loaded and highly sarcastic question. He was only age 6 or 7 when I was age 5. I realize that he was obviously a victim too. Maybe call and ask if he is doing OK.

3) Babysitter between my age 8 and 10. Have never found him despite knowing his first and last name. ([Name edited]age 17 or 18 in 1966.) His parents lived lakefront on south shore of Hammond Lake southwest of Pontiac, MI. At least he wasn't violent. My mother is withholding information, and has done so for at least 20 years. If I found him, and he had money, I might seek compensation and written apology.

4) Unknown older boys at summer camp at age 9. More fairly obvious younger victim-types. Don't know, what should be done? Maybe find out if they managed to resolve their problems?

5) Counselor at religious summer camp in Missouri at age 10/11. As many as a couple dozen victims that I know of in a 2-week camp session. He was in his mid- to late-20s. I recently solicited that summer camp twice for info on when I attended and asked to access an extensive photo database that would cover the two summers that I attended. They have been totally uncooperative. I don't know his name. Was just trying to find him or me in photos. Ths guy needs to go down. I wonder if they know and are protecting him. I attended there two summers, his abuse was only one summer, other less-invasive abuse happened there the other summer.

6) Cub Scout troop leader at my age 12 (1969/1970). He abused another boy or boys in a tent on a weekend campout. He was in his late 20s or 30s. Another guy who could have had multiple victims. Again, not much sympathy, but unknown name.

7) Next door neighbor was 14 or 15 when I was 12 or 13. Kid was victimized after father's death in late 1960s. He has a website where he claims to struggle with co-dependancy. I don't harbor nearly as much ill-will in his case. I knew him from age 8 to 18, and have seen him since then. Notice that I didn't give out his name. A telephone apology would work wonders for me.

8) Two-tour Vietnam Marine combat veteran. My age 12 to 14. Violent CSA and physical abuse. The guy (Name edited) owns a successful masonry business in NW lower Michigan, and is an active supporter at a nearby religious boarding school that he graduated from in 1968. I've tried to find other victims from my old neighborhood without success. Supports disabled adult daughter. He has denied my accusations when he found out in a roundabout way. Might be nice to get an apology and a financial settlement.

9) Violent alcoholic family man from rural Vermont at my age 16. Violent physical abuse, forced nudity, and molestation. (Mr. A________, lived on farm behind Gassetts, VT schoolhouse). All three of his sons have had drug and alcohol problems their whole lives, and two have done prison time. If he was still alive and the statute of limitations didn't preclude it I would have liked to see him prosecuted. Vermont State Patrol out of Chester Post bears some responsibility because they dismissed my accusations and allowed my abuser to abuse me further in February or March of 1974. I could see a huge lawsuit against the State of Vermont. For a long time I wanted to get even with him.

10) Unknown guy who picked me up hitchhiking when I was age 17. I favor caning if they can ever find him.

I know, the number of perps keeps growing.

11) My rapist. Violent rape and sexual torture at gunpoint just after turning age 18. I don't know his name, but have already identified his house (location edited). I favor execution after torture if he can be found, or minimum of major financial concession, written apology, and sexual-offender registration.

Is it odd that as I got older and the incidents got more violent that my hatred of my abusers becomes more and more aggressive? Most of my abusers when I was young I am concerned about. The more recent ones, I am up to really angry at. Is this unusual or somewhat normal? I don't know.

Trucker Mark





Edited by ModTeam (06/13/08 09:11 PM)
_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#230810 - 06/13/08 09:12 PM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: Trucker51]
istrong Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/20/07
Posts: 79
Loc: CT
I want jsut one look in her eyes, so she can see the unquenshible rage she helped ignite

_________________________
"Go then, there are other worlds than these"
-John 'Jake' Chambers

I'd rather be above the grass than below it.

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#231339 - 06/16/08 04:32 PM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: ineffable]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
To know how he was hurt and why he chose to hurt so many others.

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#231400 - 06/16/08 09:14 PM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: michael banks]
Dude. Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/26/08
Posts: 106
Loc: USA
Do something about it!

I wanted my abuser to pay for what he did to me. So, I did something about!

This board is something else.

Wow.




Edited by Dude. (06/16/08 09:17 PM)

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#231409 - 06/16/08 10:32 PM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: Dude.]
TNuss Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/28/06
Posts: 202
Loc: Del-A-Ware???
To know that I am a better person then they could ever hope to be.

_________________________
All my best!!!

In harmony,
Troy
________________________________________________________
I hug myself daily until the day I find the embrace that completes me.

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#231416 - 06/17/08 12:08 AM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: jcf1957]
Nyjah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/14/07
Posts: 610
Why did you choose me? Why did you start? Why did you stop? Why didn't you stop? Did you hurt any of my friends? Did you and your sick friends sit around talking about what you did to me and my cousin? WTF were you thinking?



Why did he have to die before I could have my time in court to stand up to him?


I want him in jail, I want him to pay.


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#231417 - 06/17/08 12:09 AM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: Nyjah]
Barkabus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 809
What do I want from my abusers? To be finally left alone!

_________________________
My Story

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#231425 - 06/17/08 02:51 AM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: Barkabus]
JasonSmalls Offline
Guest

Registered: 12/01/07
Posts: 142
Loc: NJ
I don't want to know any why's, because you know what? His answer is probably so screwed up and sick just like the things he did to me.

I want revenge. I don't want to do it to him. I don't think I could. But I want him to feel all the things he made me feel back then and all I things I feel now. I don't get something... how come when somebody who actually perpetrates the offense doesn't have a problem living his life afterwards? Everybody he meets and knows truly believes he's a nice guy because he's kind and so good with children. Yeah, no shit!

The people who suffer are the ones who were really innocent and didn't want any of this to happen. I thin a good revenge would be everybody, no matter where he goes or what he does, they will know the truth and they will look at him as a monster, in the same sort of way people look at me as being a freak.

Joey


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#231427 - 06/17/08 03:10 AM Re: what do you want from your abuser. *DELETED* [Re: JasonSmalls]
charles law Offline


Registered: 06/04/08
Posts: 28
Loc: perth australia
Post deleted by charles law


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#231492 - 06/17/08 12:59 PM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: charles law]
charles law Offline


Registered: 06/04/08
Posts: 28
Loc: perth australia
I do still tho wish she would still say sorry to me and my brothers and sis.. and for my dad to have stood up for us as his children and not hide behind her. Bit I know that wont ever happen I am still in shock really she working as a carer in the asian community and doing so well what happened tho is she all of a sudden caring for others? what fuck...is happening


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#231518 - 06/17/08 04:04 PM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Recompense due from my abuser:

About $70,000 for counseling plus compound interest.

About $1,000,000 for damages for personal pain

About $1,000,000 (estimated) for job troubles and terminations and oportunities which never developed because I was squashed like a bug.

Total over a quarter million smackers.

I'll never get it. The one abused is obliged to forgive all indebtedness.

Puffer


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#231541 - 06/17/08 08:32 PM Re: what do you want from your abuser. [Re: pufferfish]
InjunE Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/04/01
Posts: 89
Loc: Ohio
I'm not a cruel man. I would like for them to receive a quick, painless death. It wouldn't change how I am now, but it would assure they never hurt any others again.

_________________________
Without my sons, I would not be here.

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