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#221082 - 04/28/08 12:56 PM what was the one charateristic of your abuser.
justanother121 Offline
New Here

Registered: 04/14/08
Posts: 24
mine was protraying himself as a loving and giving person. a real spiders web for an adolesant


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#221093 - 04/28/08 01:12 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2724
Loc: Washington State
His ability to manipulate my emotions so that I would do anything for him. For his acceptance and approval. Which I did.


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#221123 - 04/28/08 02:43 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: Freedom49]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Mine was pretending it hurt her more than it hurt me

She was wrong

Stay strong

_________________________
Thriving

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#221129 - 04/28/08 02:58 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: mogigo]
dannym Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/24/07
Posts: 543
Loc: Boulder, Colorado
Mine was that he always acted like the abuse never happened, even immediately after the act. I'd be there with my pants down and he'd talk about the t.v. show that was on - I never knew what to do - so I pretended along with him....for 35 years.

_________________________
"You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head."

Marge Simpson

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#221140 - 04/28/08 03:25 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: dannym]
simonsurvives Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/17/08
Posts: 58
Loc: California, Fresno
I had a relationship with mine she used to tell me things about herself that seems out of the ordinary like she told me that she too was molested and that it would hurt me and I deserved that.


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#221143 - 04/28/08 03:35 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: simonsurvives]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
He paid attention to and spent time with me. He talked to me. We talked about personal things, dreams, hopes, some pretty cool things that most 9yo's don't get the opportunity to share with adults. But, then he wanted things in return for his friendship, \:\(


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#221179 - 04/28/08 05:20 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: Hauser]
KENKEN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO
He was my older brother who I looked up to. He showed me love that I did not get from my parents. He gave me a sense of belonging in a large family of 7 siblings. He showed interest in me.

All of the things a 'big brother' should do, but then came the sexual abuse, the part I had to pay.

Ken

_________________________
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

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#221257 - 04/28/08 11:11 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: KENKEN]
Elad 12 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 1176
Loc: on the coast
He would punch and knock the wind out of me after abusing me just so I would know that he had the power to take my breath away.

Dale


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#221290 - 04/29/08 01:08 AM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: Elad 12]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
The common, dominant characteristic of each one was that they were selfish.

_________________________
Eddie

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#221334 - 04/29/08 08:30 AM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: EGL]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
I'm with Eddie; we see extreme selfishness in each case. But beyond that I think we can identify an incredible talent for detecting the broken or vulnerable boy and zeroing in on issues where he would be least able to resist.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#221397 - 04/29/08 12:15 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: roadrunner]
greenscare Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/22/08
Posts: 3
Loc: Michigan, USA
Mine was my friend he was 7 years old and one year older than me. I now know that his dad had infact molested him and so I don't blame him for what happened to me, I blame his dad.

Since writing this, I have come to a new perspective, I still blame him for what he did because he did have power over me, he protected me from certain people and things and he used that power to control me. But since he too was a child and abused, I do still blame his father and others who abused him.

My one characteristic is young!



Edited by greenscare (05/09/11 05:15 PM)

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#221399 - 04/29/08 12:37 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: greenscare]
tazrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/22/08
Posts: 88
Loc: FL USA
Mine was he always acted like a kid. He would play army men with me. He also him other games to play.


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#221419 - 04/29/08 01:12 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: tazrad]
Roofus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/24/08
Posts: 233
Loc: Utah
He always had a "new"---"secret"---"game" to "play"




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#221461 - 04/29/08 03:06 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: Roofus]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1984
Mine always thought everything was a big joke, that nothing was a serious matter. I think he was wrong.

Mine was also a friend, and he may have had something happen to him as well. Not sure, but it wouldn't surprise me.


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#221473 - 04/29/08 03:34 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: roadrunner]
RobertRent Offline


Registered: 04/29/08
Posts: 11
He asked me if I would be his friend. He seemed so lonely I said yes. Then he started to ask me to do things. He said if I was his real friend I would do them.



Edited by RobertRent (04/29/08 03:35 PM)

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#221497 - 04/29/08 04:18 PM . [Re: RobertRent]
bardo213 Offline
Guest

Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 812
.


Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 04:31 PM)

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#221503 - 04/29/08 04:37 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: bardo213]
youthfulheart62 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/19/07
Posts: 94
Loc: New Jersey(exit3)
i was late getting home and a stranger gave me a ride he asked me if I wanted to drive the car(8yrs old)didnt know I had to sit on his lap.he raped me


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#221513 - 04/29/08 05:57 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: youthfulheart62]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1245
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
He had/has a nervous laugh, big time. Scared of his own shadow.

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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#221619 - 04/30/08 12:21 AM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: AndyJB2005]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
This is a de>


Edited by pufferfish (05/21/08 10:52 PM)

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#225561 - 05/21/08 12:17 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: pufferfish]
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
One of my abusers had flaming red hair. It took me over 20 years to stop hating redheads, behavioring nasty to them...sometimes was afraid of them. But I'm fine and free today!!

Howard

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

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#225628 - 05/21/08 08:39 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: ScottyTodd]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 982
Loc: HULBERT OK
HE USED HIS MILITARY POSISION TO INTIMIDATE PEOPLE THAT SERVED UNDER HIM

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#225678 - 05/22/08 12:10 AM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: OKIE MIKE]
Scoutvictim Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/04/07
Posts: 434
Loc: St. Louis, Missouri
******Warning May Be Triggering*******

WOW...

This thought just came to me.

One of the characteristics I cherish in myself, is the ability to plan and carry out, very difficult tasks. I used to own my own party planning company. I was very good at all the little details. I was quite adept at reading a client and matching the plans to their unspoken desires. Because that business required long term planning, I can be very patient, and work the plan to completion. My current business is very similar, lots of planning and long term goals. Then the final pay-off, reward or success.

HORROR of HORROR'S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(slap in the face)

This characteristic is one of the major memories of my perpetrator. My perp spent almost 6 months grooming me. He had a plan, with a clear goal in mind. He worked this plan on many boys. (I have since found out) He had the ability to read his victims and conform to meet their unspoken needs. He was one of the most patient scout leaders I can remember. He never got mad at any of the scouts in our troop. He covered every detail. (i.e. made sure his wife was out of the house, had 8mm porno films handy, and made sure that I wasn't missed while he had the time needed to rape me) All of this led to the final pay-off, reward or climax!!! (pun intended)

WOW...!!!!!!!!!

It's hard to look in the mirror...

Wondering,
Carl



_________________________
Shawn and Ben will always be in my heart....

Happiness is like peeing your pants; Everyone can see it, but only YOU feel the warmth.

Peebles, Ohio WOR alumni, Oct. 2007

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#225680 - 05/22/08 12:18 AM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: Scoutvictim]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Hi Carl,

If I may, I want to point out something that may or may not be so obvious to you already, which is that you use your characteristic for good, while he used it for evil. Very different! From reading what you wrote, I see this as a very good quality to have in you, and I'm the same way in that I plan things down to the very tiny minutia (you oughtta see one of my vacation schedules, lol!). But the perps know they have to plan and scheme as well, but their planning is so totally evil and wrong.

So, when's the next party???

_________________________
Eddie

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#225688 - 05/22/08 12:37 AM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: EGL]
Scoutvictim Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/04/07
Posts: 434
Loc: St. Louis, Missouri
sorry...

hit post twice


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#225689 - 05/22/08 12:37 AM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: EGL]
Scoutvictim Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/04/07
Posts: 434
Loc: St. Louis, Missouri
Eddie,

Thank you for your comments. I do realize the pure evil in his ability.

BUT!!!!

By the grace of God...

What triggers the switch, to evil... from good?

hmmmmm....

Could he have been a victim of CSA in his childhood? ... that's ME ...

Was he lonely? ... that's ME ...

Was he sexually frustrated? ... that's ME ...

hmmmmm....

still wondering,
Carl

P.S. This weekend, is my next big event. It's going to be a long weekend, but very profitable.

_________________________
Shawn and Ben will always be in my heart....

Happiness is like peeing your pants; Everyone can see it, but only YOU feel the warmth.

Peebles, Ohio WOR alumni, Oct. 2007

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#225722 - 05/22/08 08:47 AM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: Scoutvictim]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Hi Carl,

I think some people are just born with a lack of conscience. And some may be made that way by upbringing, it's hard to say what causes one person to become so inherently evil while another one becomes so saintly good. But it's easy to see that you fall into the later category, man. You already got the crown and everything. \:\)

So, c'mon everyone - the party's at Carl's! Let's go!!! (Uh, Carl, you don't mind if I bring a few friends, do you?)

_________________________
Eddie

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#225745 - 05/22/08 10:09 AM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: roadrunner]
Thomson Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/12/06
Posts: 30
He would tell me stories, fantastic stories and would show me science experiments.

_________________________
There is enough light for one to see the truth.

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#225812 - 05/22/08 03:39 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: Thomson]
des6263 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/15/06
Posts: 137
Loc: midwest, US
He was my brother, I wanted him to like me.

_________________________
May the Flames of Truth Burn Bright

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#225817 - 05/22/08 03:59 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: des6263]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2145
Loc: durham, north england
They acted as if it was a joke, but at the same time clearly hated me just for being who I was. Often whether I got abused or not simply depended upon whether I was noticed or not.


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#225828 - 05/22/08 04:38 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: dark empathy]
JasonSmalls Offline
Guest

Registered: 12/01/07
Posts: 142
Loc: NJ
I would say the one defining characteristic my abuser had was "charm." It wasn't charm for me, but more for other people. I think it's the single biggest reason that when I did try to tell people what was going on, including my own mother, it was his charm that led those "authority figures" to disbelieve my stories of abuse, rape, and torture.

My own mother had witnessed, first hand, his abusing me, but I think she just denied to herself what she saw, because my uncle had really good way of charming people into believing him.

Joey


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#225829 - 05/22/08 04:42 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: JasonSmalls]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2559
Loc: Denver, CO
i believed them

dunno if that is their characteristic or my flaw - but bottom line - there it is.


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#225848 - 05/22/08 06:15 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: MarkK]
Stephen_5 Offline
BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/00
Posts: 667
Loc: Northern California Foothills
He said that he loved me like a big brother that I didn't have. He was very personable and even after he and my older sister broke up he still came around and was welcomed by the rest of the family. He convinced me and my parents that I should join the Scout troop that he was in. The overnight camping trips were his favorite times, I'm sure. He was around for about three years of my life until his family suddenly left town without warning. I was so screwed up I think I actually missed him. Until four years later when he showed up on our doorstep after we had moved three different times. I was a junior in HS. How did he find me? He was on his way home from college and my older sister had married and moved away. My mom had welcomed him openly into our home; I was terrified. My mom had quit driving and she told me to take him wherever he wanted to go. We went to see a college friend of his. They tried to get me drunk but even by then I'd had a bit of experience with alcohol and it would take a lot more than that to get me drunk. I was getting really hyper aware that something was going to happen and I made up some lame excuse and I escaped. I never saw him again.

Steve

_________________________
I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.
Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007)

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#225884 - 05/22/08 09:36 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: roadrunner]
Barkabus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 809
The character of the first abuser that stood out most was that he was domineering. In all that we did together he would always pressure me into doing things I did not want to do (not just with the sex abuse). He would use intimidation tactics too. He was a master at the use of ridicule.

The character of the second abuser that stood out most was that he was smooth. He was an authority figure in my life but he was cunning, deliberate, welcoming and when the time was right he stung me where I was most vulnerable.

Bark

_________________________
My Story

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#225959 - 05/23/08 07:28 AM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: Barkabus]
johnnymike Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/08/08
Posts: 56
Loc: Central Ohio
My father loved to scare me. Several times in a day he would jump out and surprise me. He began to scare me when I was sound asleep. When I was 5 or 6 dad would stand outside while I played and would make fun of my abilities at sports in front of friends. I never felt that I was good at anything and the rest of what he did was easy since I had little sense of self.

As an adult the man who abused me used threats against my family to keep me in line. Of course whatever I did was wrong. If I tried to do exactly what made him happy last time we were together this time it would make him angry and I would be beaten.

I think both men worked to make me feel like I am subhuman.


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#226319 - 05/24/08 09:52 AM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: johnnymike]
Grunty1967b Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/28/05
Posts: 826
Loc: Australia
He was also my brother and I wanted him to like me. He made it clear he didn’t like me most of the time so when it came to “playing roodies” I was ever hopeful it would be him really liking me this time.

As always, immediately after he’d done what he wanted to he’d go back to ignoring me and showing me how much he detested me.


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#226340 - 05/24/08 11:46 AM Re: what was the one characteristic of your abuser. [Re: EGL]
jcf1957 Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/11/07
Posts: 192
Loc: North Of The 49th Parallel
Originally Posted By: EGL
The common, dominant characteristic of each one was that they were selfish.


I'll spare everybody in this moment of characterizing my three rape assailants by calling them every derogatory name in the book. Eddie; I'm left with your original statement. Indeed pure unadulterated CARNAL SELFISHNESS. Of all the sins of mankind it is his or hers continued selfish carnal desires of the flesh that will eventually send their souls to hell. This whole damned world is so mesmerized and enthralled by what's between their legs.
One million years of human evolution and we still haven't learned to evolve past our lower human nature. Science and technology is not the litmus paper to prove that mankind has really evolved.
Ultimately; it is a single person's selfishness that will bring him or her to ruin.

_________________________
No affliction nor temptation, no guilt nor power of sin, no wounded spirit nor terrified conscious should induce us to despair comfort from God.

Today well lived...makes every tomorrow a vision of Hope.
Anonymous

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#226830 - 05/26/08 12:44 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: ScottyTodd]
thecoopstah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/04
Posts: 589
Loc: massachusetts
my low-life abuser(s) were both manipulative and coercing and yet when around others he/she ( mom and foster father)they'd treat me less then dignified but to put it mildly civil but phonies no doubt.

Coop

_________________________
" You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have "

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#230745 - 06/13/08 02:51 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: thecoopstah]
justanother121 Offline
New Here

Registered: 04/14/08
Posts: 24
thank you all. very powerful but sad.


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#230850 - 06/13/08 11:19 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
Bewlayb1 Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 243
Loc: NYC
His ability to manipulate me. I remember once, he told me what to tell my parents about a bruise on my back which he had given me. I was eight to ten during the abuse. It was as if he could read my thoughts. He didn't even threaten me. He just knew all the right words to control me.

It was like he turned my mind against me along with my body.


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#230859 - 06/13/08 11:36 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: Bewlayb1]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2469
Loc: UK
uncaring

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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#231300 - 06/16/08 01:15 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: king tut]
Justintime Offline


Registered: 06/02/08
Posts: 50
Intimidating


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#231311 - 06/16/08 02:28 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: Justintime]
Barkabus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 809
First abuser: He was intimidating

Second abuser: He was a charmer

Interesting contrast between the two of them.

_________________________
My Story

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#231336 - 06/16/08 04:23 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: Barkabus]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
A people's person--- He fooled everybody.

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#231337 - 06/16/08 04:25 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: michael banks]
jaa Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/17/07
Posts: 69
Loc: Rhode Island
A manipulator that came across as such a great guy to everyone...but he didn't have everyone fooled...and too many were adults were afraid to confront him...how many (including myself) could have been saved if just one of those adults had acted on their gut feelings about him.

_________________________
John

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#445749 - 08/28/13 05:01 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 699
Manipulative.

Seems like a very common theme on this thread.

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#445759 - 08/28/13 05:34 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 2002
...


Edited by Chase Eric (11/21/13 08:53 PM)
_________________________


Hello, I'm Eirik.
Click my pic to see why I'm here.

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#445762 - 08/28/13 05:50 PM ! [Re: justanother121]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
!


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (02/28/14 09:32 PM)

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#445763 - 08/28/13 05:53 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 925
Loc: New York
Versatile. He could be a kind-hearted protector and sadistic torturer within the same hour.
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of Heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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#445766 - 08/28/13 06:10 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: SoccerStar]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
clever, sadistic, sociopathic, narcissistic, manipulative, pedophilic

(describes abusers both at 4 and at 120

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#445774 - 08/28/13 07:04 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
nomad510 Offline


Registered: 04/02/13
Posts: 34
Pity.

My dad always made me feel sorry for him, how he was getting treated in the family. I couldn't out him for many reasons that young people don't out their perps but this was one of them.

I agree, the core is selfishness and control/manipulation.

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#445775 - 08/28/13 07:11 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
atari_kid86 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/23/10
Posts: 135
Loc: Michigan
1 and 2:

Portrayed selves as friends. Both were older boys who needed to feel control over something (or somebody).

3:

He was manipulative and self serving. He was a liar. Since he was disabled, he was always using pity and guilt to get his way.

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#445782 - 08/28/13 08:09 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
Onesimus75 Offline


Registered: 08/22/13
Posts: 158
Loc: Minnesota
Insecure. When not in a position of power, he was this shrinking, almost perpetually cringing guy (he was himself a victim of institutionalized abuse in a church organization I won't name). Whenever he got power over me, he moved instantly to get affirmation in what I suppose was the way he'd been wounded: sexual exploitation.
I still deal with what he's done, but I don't hate him for it any more. These days I just feel sad for both of us. I sometimes imagine punching his youth minister in the face for getting the cycle started.
_________________________
We are not defined by our faults, or our wounds, but by the truth within us, which nothing can take away.

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#445788 - 08/28/13 09:17 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3767
Loc: somewhere in Africa
step-dad: ANGER
school and scouts bullies: gang macho arrogance
stranger molester: impersonal anonymity


Edited by traveler (08/28/13 09:18 PM)
_________________________
"That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. . . What will your verse be?" Robin Williams as John Keating in "Dead Poets Society"


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#445790 - 08/28/13 09:56 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
Publius Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 443
Loc: OH
He was his father's son and did unto me what was done to him first. I just happened to be in the wrong neighborhood at the wrong time at the wrong age.
_________________________
"Life is like this dark tunnel. You may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place." ~ General Iroh

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#445794 - 08/28/13 10:25 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
mattheal Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/10/12
Posts: 142
Loc: Ohio
He paid attention to me and talked up how mature I was - at 8.
_________________________
It's okay to find the faith to saunter forward
With no fear of shadows spreading where you stand
And you'll breathe easier just knowing
that the worst is all behind you
And the waves that tossed the raft all night
have set you on dry land
- The Mountain Goats - "Never Quite Free"

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#445801 - 08/28/13 11:16 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1614
Loc: New England
He gave me drugs and alcohol. He let me hang out with him. ME! Somebody wanted ME. That in itself was intoxicating. I was an easy target for him.
_________________________
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Sarah McLachlan

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#445804 - 08/28/13 11:50 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
Rich1967 Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/17/13
Posts: 389
Loc: PA
"Positive" attention or at least something that felt good. He gave me the attention that I was so starved for. I hated him too. I hated him because he never gave me any positive attention. It was always "Damn it Rich why..." followed by "get me beer".
_________________________
Rich

"Me too" - I don't think I will ever get tired of saying or hearing these two words.

My Story:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=441625#Post441625

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#445811 - 08/29/13 12:30 AM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 769
Loc: upper south
#2- he liked boys... at least this boy
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#445814 - 08/29/13 12:54 AM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
toddop Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/14/11
Posts: 233
Loc: California
Biological father - Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
Gymnastics Coach - Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

Both made me feel like I was special, beautiful, and cherished above all else, and both treated me worse than a piece of toilet paper that had just been used and tossed into the bowl. Back and forth between those two states all the time. And I never knew when they would shift from one to the other.
_________________________
Todd

"Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds."
-Albert Einstein

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#445864 - 08/29/13 11:56 AM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
unhappycamper Offline


Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 642
Loc: VA
I only know three things about the guy who got me: (1) he smelled of booze, (2) he abused at least one other kid, and (3) he tried to kill me after beating me senseless.

Oh, and (4) I think he was wearing a plaid shirt.

John

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#445894 - 08/29/13 08:09 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
DavoSwim Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/06/13
Posts: 370
Loc: Iowa, USA
Initial Abuser - Saying that he had God on his side and that this is what God wanted us to do.
2nd Abuser - Teaching me what girls liked so that I would be able to please them.
3rd Abuser - Again, saying that God would bless this experience
4th Abuser - blackmail

Dave

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#445942 - 08/30/13 09:46 AM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
Suwanee Offline
Chat Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 1000
Loc: Southeast USA
Shawn possessed a Machiavellian skill where he contrived situations that would always be to his benefit and to my detriment. He was adept using both guile and force. In an instant he could go from affable leader to brutish golem.

In a word: sociopathic


Will
_________________________
I ask you to judge me by the enemies I have made. ---FDR

I AM

Cruel Summer
My Journal

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#445956 - 08/30/13 11:49 AM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 2242
He was the priest. We were told to obey and love him. Everyone feared him, or at least I did. He was God's representative on earth, so I was told to believe. I was a compliant child and wanted to be the best altar boy I could be.

I remember so much of what he would say. Now I know it was to control me. He would say:

1. It is our secret. If I told I would be taken away from my parents. You do not want people to think you are an ungrateful son. (Now--Why did I believe him? I was just a child)
2. God wants this for me. God loves you so you need to do what He wants. (Now-Why would God want this for any child? God did not want this for me)
3. It is my way to show you are special and it is love. (Now--that is not love. It confused part of me to believe the acts and abuse was the only way for anyone to love me. No more does part of me hold these feelings of being special or loved. The acts are not love for me.)
4. If I do not do it, there is your little brother. (Now--I should have told and can only hope nothing happened to him. He is not with us today, led a troubled life and I can only wonder)
5. He would hold me, touch me and if I fought he would slap me,grab me by the ear,spit on me, imitate my crying. Saying I was useless and no one would love me. I would give in but remember crying when it happened. (Now--I realize a child only wants to be loved. Those words and acts that denigrated me, made the child feel unloved and not worthy. And the only way for love was to do what he wanted. It was to manipulate and control me to believe I was loved.)
6. He brought the other boys in and would say this is the way God wants us to show our love to each other. (Now--it sickens me and I regret I blamed the older boy for what he did to me. I know he tried to be kind and was only doing what he had to do. He died so young from a drug overdose or suicide. Suicide was a terrible word in those days and someone pointed out if it was suicide the person could not be buried in consecrated grounds. It was considered shameful. I bet his parents did not know.)

His position gave him power and respect. One did not question. He made me fear being taken away and my brother being harmed. He knew how to make me feel unworthy of love--through words and actions.

I have looked back and ask why? But now I know it was and I can only accept and move forward. I was a child, with a child's mind and fears only a child holds. The child is being loved now after all these decades.

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#445966 - 08/30/13 12:44 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
risingagain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/10
Posts: 597
Loc: Vancouver, BC, Canada
* Would buy me lots of things
* Built me a go-kart
* Sweet
* Distant
* Except when he was abusing me
* Came at night
* Terrifying
* Sadistic
* Tortured me
* Tore a hole in my heart
* Father

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#446470 - 09/05/13 07:14 AM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
Amandla Offline


Registered: 08/18/13
Posts: 6
Loc: South Africa Soweto
Mine thought he was a comedien,but I think he was try to avoid his selfishness with jokes.
_________________________
Be Strong and Smile.

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#446565 - 09/06/13 11:09 AM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
Adam A Gedman Offline


Registered: 08/12/13
Posts: 188
Loc: Canada
I really have no idea. I don't even know what he looked like, sounded like or anything physical, or even a notable trait that I am able to recall.

For the purposes of the thread, and what I remember,
he said he needed my help, and he very nearly killed me.
_________________________
Presence is the key, for all we have is now.
All we ever have is right now.

Formerly Adam A Gedman (AKA - A damAGed man)

But you can call me Kevin

Toronto Mini WoR - May 2014

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#484801 - 06/30/15 03:03 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
winter-rain Offline


Registered: 04/12/15
Posts: 13
1st perp molestation- pedophile, gay, lonely and bored of his l
2nd perp, used me in pornogrphy he was all business


Edited by winter-rain (06/30/15 03:04 PM)

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#484809 - 06/30/15 06:22 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
payne Offline


Registered: 06/27/15
Posts: 27
Loc: USA
Domineering mother.

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#484812 - 06/30/15 06:55 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
zip14 Offline


Registered: 03/20/14
Posts: 65
Loc: Ontario, Canada
He was a young teacher that loved the outdoors. He was a laid back, calm guy that seemed to just want to have fun and share his enthusiasm for camping, fishing, biking etc... but he was really just a mean person that put his own needs ahead of young kid.

He groomed me and my Mom into trusting him. He set up a club at school after hours to gain access and groom some more and then he isolated me hundreds of miles from home in a tent in the woods.

He knew my shame and guilt would keep me silent. He really knew his shit when it came to abusing kids and getting away with it.

It will be interesting to see him in court in a couple of weeks to see how things go when he's not at the controls exploiting a child.

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#485151 - 07/07/15 03:51 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
winter-rain Offline


Registered: 04/12/15
Posts: 13
3rd perp, mom, grooming me for sex , gsave me to the perps, amnd told me to enjoy it

socio, psych path

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