my abuse started at eight by an older brother. he introduced me to his adult friends, in ther twenties and thirties. iN particular one older couple in their 30's had me a sexual slave for about six years and they had an entire circle of preps. I was a abused by his wife as well as him so many times that i will not list a number. they had so many games and i was totally in their control until i was eighteen. i consider myself recovered.
and my break thru came last year when i wrote the boy warrior.
i read this every day and share it with as many who choose to read. my gift to all surviviors.
if you like it please comment on it. it gives me strength to know others can relate to it. I know we are guys and poetry may not be your thing. but i do not consider this apoem it is an expression and my fairwell letter to the affects of abuse.
The Boy Warrior :
You came as a thief in the night.
A cowards heroics.
And took all that was dear to me,
Never asking just taking.
You followed in the shadows all the days of my life,
But, now I see you, no more places for you to hide,
You were the monsters chasing me in my dreams,
And will no more.
For out of the ashes of the life you took,
Came something you could not take.
The courage of a child!
The love of a child!
Or the spirit of a child!
Yes you took so much.
And still you follow and torment me in my moments of weakness.
So many times you wore me down, and each time I would fight you back.
For so long I fought you to a stalemate, never winning never loosing.
Me at the edge of the pressipest,
And you always managing to take more ground.
Greed with no bounds.
Always pushing me ever closer to the edge, and close you came many a time.
How clever you thought you were!
How blind you are by your own ignorance.
Only a fool would not know!
That out of the destruction comes creation!
Yes my old nemesis, my life long companion.
You did create something!
You made me!
I am the sum of your trials and much more.
You are part of me.
I accept you are part of my life.
I accept you have taken all that is dear to me.
Above all I accept you made the Boy Warrior!!!
Did you believe I would never find him again?
That eight year old boy, I left behind so many years ago.
It is he who carried me thru life!
It is he who pushed you when I could not!
It was he who loved when I wanted to hate!
It was he who cried when I could not!
It is he who opened my eyes to you!
And he who would not give up on me when I gave up on him!
Yes you hurt me.
But you did not destroy me or him.
We stand together now.
We fight side by side – you have lost!
Yes see what you have made!
You know of the bad but what of the good?
You know not my measure of love,
My spirit, love of life and people!
Or my unwavering faith.
You know not my willingness to do the right thing regardless of the cost.
No you don’t know me!
And you never will.
I will morn my loses.
And rejoice for my life.
There are no more shadows.
We walk in the light of our soul now.
A soul of an eight year old boy and a 53 year old man who became the boy warrior.
A boy who’s smile lights the way.
As we forever embrace and walk the path of life as one.
Whole again. 11/30/2007
for all you abusers out there we are so much better than you could ever hope to be. While the fires of hell comsume your soul i will watch in saddness for all that is lost and all that could have been had you got the help you need. For the pain you have casued and lives you have cost. And yes i will feel sad for you too. God didn't make evil souls, you choose the path that we victems didn't. You may have been abused or not. you may be evil or not. But what is certain that you will live your life in emotional torment and your life is worth nothing unless you get the help you need.
I have beat you. I have won. I have recovered.
Edited by justanother121 (04/28/08 12:53 PM)