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#221079 - 04/28/08 12:51 PM my story
justanother121 Offline
New Here

Registered: 04/14/08
Posts: 24
my abuse started at eight by an older brother. he introduced me to his adult friends, in ther twenties and thirties. iN particular one older couple in their 30's had me a sexual slave for about six years and they had an entire circle of preps. I was a abused by his wife as well as him so many times that i will not list a number. they had so many games and i was totally in their control until i was eighteen. i consider myself recovered.

and my break thru came last year when i wrote the boy warrior.

i read this every day and share it with as many who choose to read. my gift to all surviviors.


if you like it please comment on it. it gives me strength to know others can relate to it. I know we are guys and poetry may not be your thing. but i do not consider this apoem it is an expression and my fairwell letter to the affects of abuse.



The Boy Warrior :

You came as a thief in the night.

A cowards heroics.

And took all that was dear to me,

Never asking just taking.

You followed in the shadows all the days of my life,

But, now I see you, no more places for you to hide,

You were the monsters chasing me in my dreams,

And will no more.

For out of the ashes of the life you took,

Came something you could not take.

The courage of a child!

The love of a child!

Or the spirit of a child!

Yes you took so much.

And still you follow and torment me in my moments of weakness.

So many times you wore me down, and each time I would fight you back.

For so long I fought you to a stalemate, never winning never loosing.

Me at the edge of the pressipest,

And you always managing to take more ground.

Never satisfied,

Greed with no bounds.

Always pushing me ever closer to the edge, and close you came many a time.

How clever you thought you were!

How blind you are by your own ignorance.

Only a fool would not know!

That out of the destruction comes creation!

Yes my old nemesis, my life long companion.

You did create something!

You made me!

I am the sum of your trials and much more.

You are part of me.

I accept you are part of my life.

I accept you have taken all that is dear to me.

Above all I accept you made the Boy Warrior!!!

Did you believe I would never find him again?

That eight year old boy, I left behind so many years ago.

It is he who carried me thru life!

It is he who pushed you when I could not!

It was he who loved when I wanted to hate!

It was he who cried when I could not!

It is he who opened my eyes to you!

And he who would not give up on me when I gave up on him!

Yes you hurt me.

But you did not destroy me or him.

We stand together now.

We fight side by side you have lost!

Yes see what you have made!

You know of the bad but what of the good?

You know not my measure of love,

Compassion,

Generosity,

My spirit, love of life and people!

Or my unwavering faith.

You know not my willingness to do the right thing regardless of the cost.

No you dont know me!

And you never will.

I will morn my loses.

And rejoice for my life.

There are no more shadows.

We walk in the light of our soul now.

A soul of an eight year old boy and a 53 year old man who became the boy warrior.

A boy whos smile lights the way.

As we forever embrace and walk the path of life as one.

Whole again. 11/30/2007







for all you abusers out there we are so much better than you could ever hope to be. While the fires of hell comsume your soul i will watch in saddness for all that is lost and all that could have been had you got the help you need. For the pain you have casued and lives you have cost. And yes i will feel sad for you too. God didn't make evil souls, you choose the path that we victems didn't. You may have been abused or not. you may be evil or not. But what is certain that you will live your life in emotional torment and your life is worth nothing unless you get the help you need.

I have beat you. I have won. I have recovered.





Edited by justanother121 (04/28/08 12:53 PM)

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#221099 - 04/28/08 01:22 PM Re: my story [Re: justanother121]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Congratulations JA121 this is a great statement and I am very happy for you. Perhaps some day you and I can talk there is much we could say to each other.

lots of love


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#221102 - 04/28/08 01:33 PM Re: my story [Re: Freedom49]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
justanother121,

That's a powerful poem and a great statement of healing and defiance. I can well imagine that writing it has helped you.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#221105 - 04/28/08 01:43 PM Re: my story [Re: roadrunner]
alexey Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 1674
Loc: Moscow, Russia
justanother121,

That is a great and brave poem. As a survivor, I want to thank you dearly for your words.

Hang in there,
Alexey



Edited by alexey (04/28/08 01:44 PM)
_________________________
(\__/)
(='.'=)
E[:]|||||[:]3
(")_(")
--------
When you feel all alone and unhappy, turn to you Inner Child and talk to Him.
You will see He can comfort you like nothing else!

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#224432 - 05/15/08 03:11 PM Re: my story [Re: alexey]
justanother121 Offline
New Here

Registered: 04/14/08
Posts: 24
thank you all. i really do get a lot from this poem.

my best to you all


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#224445 - 05/15/08 07:04 PM Re: my story [Re: justanother121]
Naruto Offline


Registered: 05/15/08
Posts: 7
Hey justanother121,

The poem was awesome. It really pulled some strings in my heart. . .it was very motivating and gave me a strong sense of confidence. Thanks for sharing.


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#225586 - 05/21/08 04:40 PM Re: my story [Re: Naruto]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
WOW! nice work 121

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m__m__
|| || || || || || |

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#238530 - 07/16/08 02:10 PM Re: my story [Re: GateKPR4]
justanother121 Offline
New Here

Registered: 04/14/08
Posts: 24
thank you all much


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#238568 - 07/16/08 08:28 PM Re: my story [Re: justanother121]
Chester Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 48
Loc: Long Island, NY
Wow. I needed to read this. I've been stuck for quite a while distracted by my anger towards the people who abused me. I know they have no power over me, but still I have been consumed. This has opened my eyes that it wasn't them who crushed me, it was the abuse. Was.

Thank you so much. I will save this right now...

_________________________
rock: left pocket

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#238684 - 07/17/08 06:27 PM Re: my story [Re: Chester]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
121,
Thank you for sharing your wonderful poem.
It is good to see that there is victory for those who choose to fight back.
mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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