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#22101 - 02/19/05 02:47 AM Am I "fine" or aren't I?
Elad 12 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 1176
Loc: on the coast
k


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#22102 - 02/19/05 03:34 AM Re: Am I "fine" or aren't I?
Curtis St. John Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/20/04
Posts: 1796
Loc: Westchester, N.Y.
That guy that says everything is fine... you gotta kick that guy right in the pants and tell him to take a hike. He is the last little bit of control your abuser has and when you get rid of him you will be able to get some real healing work done. That guy just doesn't want to face what you need to in order to get better because sometimes the familiar, no matter how bad it may be, is sometimes easier to deal with then facing the dark unknown tunnel through to the light that is recovery.


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#22103 - 02/19/05 03:40 PM Re: Am I "fine" or aren't I?
FLRich Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/21/04
Posts: 1404
Roland,

You know? What you just wrote is so true:

"That guy just doesn't want to face what you need to in order to get better because sometimes the familiar, no matter how bad it may be, is sometimes easier to deal with then facing the dark unknown tunnel through to the light that is recovery."

I started therapy this week, and when I left after 1.5 hr, I thought, "Hey sport, you did it! You're cured!"

I'm like Elad 12, I think I have it all together half the time and the other half I think I need help.

At the end of my session Tuesday night, I was surprised to hear my T say, "I need to see you on a weekly basis for a while. Let's go see what your insurance will cover." So we went to the front counter and the receptionist already had my approval from the insurance company and told him that I was apporved for 20 visits.

20 visits? My God! Who needs 20 visits?

He then states, "Oh he has that insurance." He looks at me and says, "Don't worry about it. They are a good company to work with, and will approve more when we get there."

Here I am thinking maybe ONE more visit. Now I am frightened. I think I told him everything I know to tell him. What is he going to do to me in 20 visits? Will he pull something out of me that perhaps I don't even know is there? Do I really need to go there?

I understand you completely Elad. 2 people, one ready to deal with it, the other with the attitude of "been there, done that, it's time to move on." I guess I'll see in a few weeks, but sometimes I think now that it would have been easier to just keep things as I always have in the past. I was functioning.


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#22104 - 02/19/05 05:47 PM Re: Am I "fine" or aren't I?
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Quote:
Originally posted by FLRich:
...sometimes I think now that it would have been easier to just keep things as I always have in the past. I was functioning.
I thought that, too, Rich, many times. Part of says "Hey, I don't need this extra therapy crap on top of everything else in life" and the other part of me just kind of shakes his head at the denial the other part is showing.

I've been functioning for 44 years now, but I want more than that. I want to live. I've let the dumb shits in my past rule me for too long, and I am determined to kick their ass out of my brain.

_________________________
Eddie

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#22105 - 02/19/05 06:05 PM Re: Am I "fine" or aren't I?
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Brothers,

Yes, we were FUNCTIONING. But were we LIVING?

Really? Were we happy with this load of crap or were we just shoving it around and letting it spill into other parts of our lives?

I for one am glad I'm telling the part of me that kept quiet to settle down and express himself. I for one am GLAD to be free of the control these animals had over our lives.

It's had, my friends. Don't let anyone tell you it isn't. But there are rewards that are coming. Even if they start out to be just little ones.

It's better to let the toxins out than letting them poison our selves for one second longer.

Peace and love,

Scot

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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#22106 - 02/20/05 04:11 AM Re: Am I "fine" or aren't I?
Elad 12 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 1176
Loc: on the coast
h


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#22107 - 02/20/05 04:32 AM Re: Am I "fine" or aren't I?
Glen Offline
Member

Registered: 12/14/04
Posts: 71
Loc: Wisconsin
I agree about feeling like there are two different people inside sometimes. There is the part that is calm cool and collect. Then there is the other side that crys,feels alone and afraid. I wanna get through this shit for real!

_________________________
Please tell me why..

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#22108 - 02/26/05 07:10 AM Re: Am I "fine" or aren't I?
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
Elad,

please do continue your healing journey, even if you do not remain with us here. I wish you well.

Leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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