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#221005 - 04/28/08 02:58 AM Grandfather's Advise
dking777 Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/17/08
Posts: 94
Loc: CA
I have watched the board over the last couple of weeks.
Sincerely,
DKing







Edited by dking777 (10/06/09 02:27 AM)
_________________________
And may you be in heaven
half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.

Bittersweet Symphony

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#221021 - 04/28/08 07:23 AM Re: Grandfather's Advise [Re: dking777]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Dave,

I hear you loud and clear on this one, I really do. I found out a long time ago that hating and raging were getting me nowhere. They just sunk me deeper and consumed emotional resources I needed for other more positive tasks. In fact, they put the abuser back in control, much as he had been when I was little. I was spending time on him rather than on me and on the future I wanted for myself.

That said, I can appreciate the situation that many guys are in where these feelings are concerned. The problem is that our emotions come from deep inside us and can't be turned off and on at will. I cannot "wish" myself not to hate any more than I can "wish" myself into happiness. There's a decision to be made, sure, but there's a long process that comes after that. Being able to speak of our misery is an integral part of the process of working past it, or at least that was how it worked out for me.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#221054 - 04/28/08 10:36 AM Re: Grandfather's Advise [Re: roadrunner]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Dave,
I echo what larry says. While I agree with your premise completely about God and him being there for us and needing to have him in my life. I do understand that the pain, anger, and even the resentment toward God needs to be expressed by some because of where they are coming from. Some may soon realize God is there to help, others may take a long time, a few may reject him altogether and they have that right. He gave them that right. We can seek healing and restoration or we can be eaten up my hate and revenge and die lonely and unhappy he gave us that choice. I so admire your choice because I think it is the healthier one and one I have chosen for myself. Thank you for you post I value your POV.


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#221201 - 04/28/08 07:20 PM Re: Grandfather's Advise [Re: Freedom49]
Calanthe Offline
New Here

Registered: 01/24/08
Posts: 109
Loc: California
Dking,

Your Grandparents sound extraordinary, which is very fortunate for you. I am impressed that they were able to instill in you simple principles that allow you to function, in a positive way, with your beliefs in God and the Devil.

But as one of those people whose faith and his God where actively incorporated in my abuse I feel that must state that you do not need to believe in God to believe in love and healing and by the same token the only Devil I have ever seen is in the hearts of men. Perhaps this is self evident, I don’t know, but for my healing I needed to find love, compassion and humility outside the definitions of the Devine. I needed to give myself permission to believe in love and light without the necessity of attributing it to some greater or simple concept of God and/or the Devil.

As matter of fact I needed to give myself permission to believe in the absolutely nothing but this small spick of dust spinning in an infinite, unknowable and uncaring universe. Ironically this willingness to believe in nothing was the foundation for my appreciation of compassion and humility. It was the realization that if there was nothing else than my life with its problems pains and joys. Then my life was a true miracle because if there was enough room in this amazingly large universe for me and the petty and self centered things I worried about and needed then life in general, all life, yours and mine, was a grand and amazing gift in and of itself, nothing else added just as it stood.

That is were I needed to go to find my healing. I do not believe in God as most people do and I certainly have no use for the devil I find most people use the concept of evil as an excuse to avoid taking responsibility for their own actions. But I do believe in the amazing gift of my own existence with all its pains and struggle because it is mine and no one else.

I see I have gotten carried away. All I meant to say was that you do not need to believe in God to believe in love. If someone had told that years ago I would have missed out on a lot unnecessary pain and resentment.

Scott

_________________________
You can't save your Ass and your Face at the same time. (Anonymous)

And given the choice I will save my ass first everytime(STC)

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#221259 - 04/28/08 11:26 PM Re: Grandfather's Advise [Re: Calanthe]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Dave,

Thanks for sharing your Grandfather's advise.

It makes a lot of sense. I would be careful however in associating those who don't believe in God in the way you do with being evil or suffering the result of their evil choices. That does not resonate with me as a Christian when I know that many of the men who choose a path other than the one I choose do so because they have difficulty associating a loving, caring God with one that allows the kind of evil that befell them as children. They have come to believe the things they believe for any number of reasons and I will not stand in judgment of them for that choice.

In the end my choice is to allow all users here regardless of what they believe on the issue of God the same consideration and respect. We're here for the purpose of recovery from sexual abuse and the other things are just the fabric of what makes us who we are.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#221304 - 04/29/08 03:14 AM Re: Grandfather's Advise [Re: WalkingSouth]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
I would never associate evil with a belief in god and I do expect the same respect given to me in my belief's.

You are offending me, something I wouldn't associate with an idea of a god. Stop calling people who don't believe what you believe evil.

nuff said

Mike

_________________________
Thriving

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#221439 - 04/29/08 02:04 PM Re: Grandfather's Advise [Re: mogigo]
blueshift Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
dking, you said in another post that no one has the right to tell you there is a God and no one has the right to tell you there isn't a God. I believe it's everyone's right to voice their opinion just as you have voiced yours here, whether they believe as you do or not..it's up to you to listen or not listen..to agree or not agree.

I don't think anyone in this site is out to destroy anyone else's beliefs; we are just voicing own personal opinions to be accepted or rejected as you choose. Freedom of speech does not take away freedom of choice.

_________________________
My Story
My Art

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