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#220806 - 04/26/08 11:41 PM Re: My abuser is adopting - trigger potential [Re: melliferal]
Brian Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 05/03/01
Posts: 1563
Loc: Upstate NY
NW Cats,

My wife and I just adopted a 11 month old baby boy from Kazakhstan (We brought him home just 5 days ago). In our "home study", there was a separate form that had to be filled out stating whether or not we have ever sexually abused children. I don't know how domestic adoptions work, but I do know that you would NEVER EVER be allowed to adopt internationally if you replied in the affirmative. My guess is that domestic adoptions would be even more strict about that policy due to the litigious society that we live in.

My guess is that your brother has been less than honest if this adoption is finalized.

Good Luck

Brian

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#220847 - 04/27/08 02:06 AM Re: My abuser is adopting - trigger potential [Re: Brian]
NWcats Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/06
Posts: 70
Loc: Pacific Northwest
Guys,
thanks for all this. a lot to think about.
you guys are a great support.
Jackson

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*** WOR Alumni Sequoia March 2008 ***
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#220992 - 04/28/08 12:24 AM Re: My abuser is adopting - trigger potential [Re: NWcats]
NWcats Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/06
Posts: 70
Loc: Pacific Northwest
SUNDAY UPDATE:
I think I've pretty well figured out that I need to call DSS, for my own sanity and the safety of this child. I'm fairly well convinced they likely already know - go figure why they let him parent - but I'll feel better knowing for myself directly from them that they do know.

Tonight my partner took me to get a big chocolate ice cream cone with chocolate "jimmies" or sprinkles for those who didn't grow up in New England. I took care of my little boy and he's doing a bit better. He's scared, pissed off and frightened of what might happen to a new little boy being with my brother.

So job #1 is taking care of my inner boy. We'll have to pray that the state knows what its doing.

Thanks again for feedback and support. I probably won't make the call until later in the week, after T, etc.

Peace,
Jackson

_________________________
*** WOR Alumni Sequoia March 2008 ***
*** Alta Advanced Weekend September 2008 ***
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#221018 - 04/28/08 07:02 AM Re: My abuser is adopting - trigger potential [Re: NWcats]
JustJeff Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/19/08
Posts: 262
Little Boy as in your son or your inner child? how old?

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#221029 - 04/28/08 08:30 AM Re: My abuser is adopting - trigger potential [Re: NWcats]
Hourglass52 Offline


Registered: 04/16/08
Posts: 59
Loc: New York
NO EXCUSES HERE. This is bullshit, and you need to run to DSS with this information NOW. Why in the hell do we try to protect our offenders/perps. Keeping our mouths shut we could be aiding and abetting this offense. WTF have we lost our minds. When he offended in the past he made his bed, and life can be a bitch. [BREATHE I have to BREATHE, catching my breath and shaking,] I can't believe we wouldn't share this past with DSS. #$@*&^%, %^@!$%#&*. Secrecy is how this crap keeps going on. BULLSHIT,BULLSHIT, BUUULLLSSSHHHIIITTT!!!!!!



Edited by Hourglass52 (04/28/08 08:43 AM)
_________________________
" This above all: To thine own self be true" (William Shakespeare).

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#221040 - 04/28/08 09:27 AM Re: My abuser is adopting - trigger potential [Re: JustJeff]
NWcats Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/06
Posts: 70
Loc: Pacific Northwest
Originally Posted By: JustJeff
Little Boy as in your son or your inner child? how old?


My inner child who was abused. Me. He abused me from about 9-15. That's the part of myself that needs attending too.

Yes, I'll tell DSS. I just need to feel safe to do so. Thanks for sharing your anger.It's helpful to remind me that that's part of what i'm feeling inside.

_________________________
*** WOR Alumni Sequoia March 2008 ***
*** Alta Advanced Weekend September 2008 ***
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#221265 - 04/29/08 12:03 AM UPDATE: My abuser is adopting - trigger potential [Re: NWcats]
NWcats Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/06
Posts: 70
Loc: Pacific Northwest
hi guys-
i called DSS today and asked if my brother's sexual abuse history and his steps to be cleared by a psychiatrist were taken into account prior as part of the adoption evaluation process.
they looked into it and it appears IT WAS NOT.
this blew me away.
so now it appears the adoption will be on hold. I've been asked to fax some documentation i have and they'll apparently confront my brother on the whole matter tuesday.
i decided to tell my family what i'd done and everyone is flipping out. my dad yelled at me over the phone and told me i was being "vindictive" and it was my "problem" and I should stop making my problem other people's "problems". they believe the state knows about my brother's past and has copies of the evaluation he undertook. (i don't believe it)
I told him I wasn't going to have him shame me, that it was my brother's problem and i hung up on him (i don't think I've ever done that before!!).
I'm scared I've finally lost my family altogether. my inner little boy and my grown up self wishes my dad would have said, "i know your upset and hurting and i'm glad you did the right thing"
I'm glad i spoke up for the truth, for the little boy who was going to be adopted, for my own inner little boy and for my adult self.
i hope i can look back at this soon with more distance and feel that pride and strength. right now i just feel like shit.
send me hugs, send me support and let me know i did the right thing.

peace,
jackson

_________________________
*** WOR Alumni Sequoia March 2008 ***
*** Alta Advanced Weekend September 2008 ***
Ask me about both!

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#221268 - 04/29/08 12:09 AM Re: UPDATE: My abuser is adopting - trigger potential [Re: NWcats]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
(((((Jackson)))))
Of course you did the right thing. Anyone back there who would go for this is absolutely out of their freaking mind. You did what you had to do to keep a kid safe. Naturally, you will feel like crap after a phone call like that. I am glad you said what you did. You kept your cool and didn't take any crap from your dad. Follow though and if you need to call me you can.

Thank you for being so brave. I know this was terribly hard for you.

Lots of love


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#221269 - 04/29/08 12:11 AM Re: UPDATE: My abuser is adopting - trigger potential [Re: NWcats]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
((((((JACKSON)))))))

You DID do the right thing. You DID. Without question, you did. Your father is being a jerk because he sounds like he's afraid of what appearances are. He'll just have to get over it. Sending you lots of support, man. I'm real proud of you.

_________________________
Eddie

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#221272 - 04/29/08 12:18 AM Re: UPDATE: My abuser is adopting - trigger potential [Re: NWcats]
Calanthe Offline
New Here

Registered: 01/24/08
Posts: 109
Loc: California
Jackson,

You deserve an award man, way to go. Way to stand up for yourself and protect someone else. What more can we hope to do as surviors.

As for your father it sounds like he has a real problem and he wants to make it you. Give me a break! That he sees this as vendictive and not protective of this unknown little boy. How can he support a son who sexually abused another son. What part of praenting 101 did he miss? I know, I know he missed the whole course had to take on review in night school and still did not pass. What an Ass.

You did the right thing. Your brother did not let the state know. The state needs to know before they put a child in his home. Congratulations on your courage.

Scott


_________________________
You can't save your Ass and your Face at the same time. (Anonymous)

And given the choice I will save my ass first everytime(STC)

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