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#220566 - 04/25/08 11:45 PM why
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2503
Loc: Denver, CO
why does remembering hurt?
not remembering THE hurt
or even remembering the time of THE hurt
..
remembering the good times
the happy times
times when love was real
..
have i really sold out my soul
to the point i'll never be happy again
any time i remember?


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#220578 - 04/26/08 12:20 AM Re: why [Re: MarkK]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1971
Hey Mark. I think I kind of know what you are saying. Remembering good times, wondering if you will see them again. I know sometimes I think I will be stuck in some sort of funk that I will not be able to get out of, that I am destined to not see positive things in my life. Other times I am more hopeful and good things seem to happen. But then I swing back. I guess I am just going to keep working at it and see what I can do. I don't have the answer for you, but I hope you keep working on things and give yourself the chance to see some new good times.


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#220580 - 04/26/08 12:23 AM Re: why [Re: ericc]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2503
Loc: Denver, CO
for the past week i've been living a fantasy in paradise
tonight i return to the real world
with it's demands
struggles
and lies

and i don't want to live there anymore


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#220581 - 04/26/08 12:28 AM Re: why [Re: ericc]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 982
Loc: HULBERT OK
My memorys are something that I live with every day . I often wish that they would fade away . Because they are painful . they are just a part of my life. That has made me the person that I am today. I thing that they have made me stronger in a lot of ways . Because with out them I would not have the compasion and understand

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#220583 - 04/26/08 12:37 AM Re: why [Re: OKIE MIKE]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2503
Loc: Denver, CO
and those are the memories i can't surface - the painful ones
the ones that haunt me
are the ones when i was "me"

before i shoved "me" under the carpet

m


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#220585 - 04/26/08 01:13 AM Re: why [Re: MarkK]
endlessjourney Offline
Member

Registered: 11/01/05
Posts: 518
Loc: Cincinnati Ohio
The way I look at it, is that you want to go out and play as a child but you fell and scraped your knee and its getting infected. Perhaps it is wise to sit out for a minute, pour some rubbing alcohol on the wounds (the hurt of remembering) and bandaging it up before you go back out to play. Unfortunately, no one knows how long it will take the wound to heal but its better to take care of it now before it causes more problems down the road.

I know we all want these memories just to come and go so we can get over them. However, you still may not be ready for certain ones to surface. There's a reason why your mind blocked them out in the first time. As a child, they were too much for you to handle. It's important to let things happen when its time. When it is time, just know you're not alone anymore.

Ones step at a time. Each step is one closer to freedom. Keep on trucking my friends!

_________________________
Truth is the very reason we strive to live. It surrounds and resides within us. Accepting the truths we already know and seeking out those we do not is a direct path to inner balance and joy. For life is not a means to an end, but a journey. Life comes and goes but the truth will always live on.

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#220589 - 04/26/08 01:35 AM Re: why [Re: endlessjourney]
Brian Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 05/03/01
Posts: 1563
Loc: Upstate NY
Mark,

I enjoyed talking with you in Chat. I hope your doing well. Please consider giving Steve a PM. I'm sure he wouldn't mind talking with you.

Take care,

Brian

_________________________
Recovery is Possible!

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#220591 - 04/26/08 01:43 AM Re: why [Re: Brian]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2503
Loc: Denver, CO
Thanx, Brian. Maybe some time we'll have a chance to finish our conversation. The online service here lost connection with my laptop before I had a chance to politely say goodnight.

M


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#220636 - 04/26/08 11:25 AM Re: why [Re: MarkK]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Mark,

I don't think you are a lost cause at all. You are doing the hard work and taking the risks in solid manageable stages. I think almost anyone who has lost what we have lost would tend to look back at good times and feel a lot of regret.

I look back and try to tell myself that while there were good times, yes, they were all gained at an impossible cost. It was like dancers waltzing on leaking ship. I'm just glad I snapped out of my daze when I did, in time to begin working on the leak. I'll get back to that dance later on!

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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