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#219763 - 04/22/08 05:36 PM My stupid reasons
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Got this stupid idea that anyone who is attracted to me because of my physical appearence is not worthy. I've been looking for the last 17 years for a partner, but when sex or physical attraction comes into play I write them off. They only want "that". I have this thing that those that don't know me completely are only looking for one thing. Kinda of strange because I hide what is really me but any attraction they might have is some kind of "attempt" at abusing me. Like they need to know me completely before any kind of attraction makes an appearence. Funny thing is I'm attracted to many as well, not that I need to know everything about everyone but the physical attraction is there as well. But when it comes to me I say "well you don't know anything about me, why are you attracted, it must be because you want to abuse me".

I've dismissed physical attraction as an abusive thing, it's not like they want to marry me because of the attraction but if they are I deem them unworthy. I seem to be looking for someone that isn't attracted to me, and then it will be safe.

I'm seeing it's pretty fucked up thinking

Stay strong
Mike

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#219765 - 04/22/08 05:47 PM Re: My stupid reasons [Re: mogigo]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Yes, Mike it is pretty fk'd thinking. That is what abuse does to us. I too thought that for many years. If someone was attracted to me and because I was attractive it happened a lot, I assumed it was because they wanted "that" and so I just automatically either gave it to them or pushed them away. It took a lot of work to get rid of that and accept that much of my attractiveness was due to the fact that I had become over long years a nice person. Sex was seldom, although still not never, part of the attraction.

This stuff really screw with your mind and self image. We are supposed to be attracted to each other. It is a chemical/ biological thing but we are adults and are supposed to be able to handle it in healthy ways. Sex is a normal part of the human condition and a driving force in men that helps us seek out good life companions. When this is screwed up we end up lonely and isolated and fearful and suspecious of every attempt to make that contact.

Discuss this with your T Mike and try to reach out in spite of the strong urge to withdraw and isolate. That is the kid that was hurt reaction inside of you. It is wrong. You can fix it and find a great companion for you if you can work though that. I hope you do because you are a great guy and worth it.


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#219773 - 04/22/08 06:25 PM Re: My stupid reasons [Re: Freedom49]
JustJeff Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/19/08
Posts: 262
I got the same Shit as you dude. you are not alone. when i'm attracted to someone, in my mindset, it's ok. but when someone is attracted to me, most times i isolate myself from them.

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#219785 - 04/22/08 07:09 PM Re: My stupid reasons [Re: mogigo]
ineffable Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/08
Posts: 1371
Loc: state of holeecrapdood
Mike

This is deep isn't it?
On the surface:
If you are an attractive speciman & get a lot of surface attention it gets real meaningless real fast
(unless one is an attention sponge or promiscuous)
That aint you bro
Still when we first meet or see someone the physical is all we have to react to

After abuse:
It sounds like you devalue your own physical desireability & distrust anyone that feels it
That kinda makes sense based on your experiences doesn't it?
It starts out as self protection
but sounds like it's evolved into an electrified fence & attack cats
\:\)

Nothing wrong with wanting to be desired for who you are as well as for what you look like
Yer gonna work through this
& the right person for you is going to be very lucky IMO

Craig



_________________________
:: "Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there" ::


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