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#219636 - 04/22/08 06:17 AM Haboring Hate and bitterness
dking777 Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/17/08
Posts: 94
Loc: CA


Just a thought.






Edited by dking777 (10/25/09 01:05 AM)
_________________________
And may you be in heaven
half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.

Bittersweet Symphony

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#219655 - 04/22/08 09:45 AM Re: Haboring Hate and bitterness [Re: dking777]
SEVEN ARROWS Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/12/07
Posts: 1298
Just saw your post and i agree with most of what you say, but hate keeps me alive.


Ben


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#219658 - 04/22/08 10:16 AM Re: Haboring Hate and bitterness [Re: SEVEN ARROWS]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1242
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
Agreed, DKing. Are we for healing or not?

Sometimes I feel like if I'm not murderous towards my dad that somehow I'm looked down upon here.

Sometimes I feel like people think I don't know abuse just because I'm not murderous. Like I'm not a "real" victim.

Well I was raped by my dad for 10 years. How's that? I was a toddler when it started. Is that "real" enough?

I choose to heal, not to fester. Not for my dad, but for myself.

I spent too long festering, hating my dad as his punishment. All it did was give me an ulcer. He didn't feel sorry or remorseful.

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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#219660 - 04/22/08 10:22 AM Re: Haboring Hate and bitterness [Re: AndyJB2005]
SEVEN ARROWS Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/12/07
Posts: 1298
Andy

No one looks down upon you, you were hurt and are still now years later a good person, its good you do not feel the rage some of us do.

i wish i was more like you, i mean this.

Now i will shut my mouth sorry.

ben


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#219663 - 04/22/08 10:40 AM Re: Haboring Hate and bitterness [Re: SEVEN ARROWS]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2568
I hope to grow. I feel no hate toward some of my abusers. The last one I'm still harboring a lot of hatred and anger. I do realize that seeing him dead or hurt or any of that won't make me feel better, it won't change things. I realize that, so I hope in time I can forgive and grow.

No need to shut your mouth or apologize Ben. We all spend time in that angry/hateful mode. It's a growth process. Yearn to grow!

We can become more than the sum of our past. We can grow. We can overcome! We can rise above the ashes, like the Phoenix.


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#219682 - 04/22/08 01:08 PM Re: Haboring Hate and bitterness [Re: JustScott]
Jeff Amsel Offline


Registered: 04/14/08
Posts: 17
Loc: NJ
I thought I was willing to forgive. Not any longer. I cant do it. I am not ready to do it. I want revenge. I will never get it, and that upsets me more. Abe(my father) is nothing but a leech and scumbag. I have supported him more years that he deserved. I tried making amends, and was shunned by him. It is disgraceful how he acted. My anger is not at rage level any longer, just good ole' angry. Cant get rid of it. Learning to live with it instead.


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#219707 - 04/22/08 02:36 PM Re: Haboring Hate and bitterness [Re: Jeff Amsel]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 979
Loc: HULBERT OK
How do you forgive someone that has done life long dammage to you . I can not for give because I can not forget

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#219784 - 04/22/08 07:09 PM Re: Haboring Hate and bitterness [Re: OKIE MIKE]
melliferal Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/03/05
Posts: 1159
Just as everybody's story of abuse is different, and the aftermath that each of us experiences is different, so, I feel, our paths of healing are all different. While it is absolutely undeniable that "letting go of hate" is an important and crucial step on the path to healing for some (and kudos to those who find it), I'm not fully convinced that it's a necessary step on everybody's path to healing.

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Children cannot consent; they can only comply.

Oprah's resources for male survivors

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#219804 - 04/22/08 08:15 PM Re: Haboring Hate and bitterness [Re: dking777]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
I don't think I fester in hate or my abusers anymore but if I seen one walking down the road I could loose control of my car. At least I think that but would I do it ?
I don't know until it happens. The sick F##K is in jail and thats enough for me.
The others well they are sick, some are probably dead by now. I'm working on me and my issues I don't have time to waste hating them. I can hate what they did but I don't have to live that hate every moment of my life or feel it every day. It's easier said than done but it can be done.

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_τΏτ_m__
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#219831 - 04/22/08 11:02 PM Re: Haboring Hate and bitterness [Re: GateKPR4]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1955
I know I have expressed some anger and hatred here. But I do try to not dwell in those emotions, they are just things that come up from time to time.

My life is in many ways an emotional kaleidescope that seems to change often. But I am trying to learn from these emotions and the things that cause them to change.

In fact, I am often in an agreeable mood. Sometimes that is because I am feeling good emotionally, and others because I try to suck up the bad feelings I am going through. But, there are definitely times where I know the pain and hurt show through pretty easily. Also, I am learning to better share my feelings so they don't get all bottled up and fill me with that type of emotional pressure.

So anyway, I know the hate and anger thing will come up for me from time to time. But I am more interested in getting on with life and partaking in things I couldn't or wouldn't allow myself to do before. These things are much more important to me. I am trying to get there one step at a time.


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