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#21934 - 02/16/02 12:28 PM recovered memory??????
michaelb Offline
Member

Registered: 04/21/01
Posts: 211
Loc: cincinnati, ohio
I'm looking to talk to somebody else who is going through remembering things that happened to them in the past.....this has been happening to me for awhile and i'm trying to understand this whole process....sometimes the memories seem so real and then i think they cannot possibly be true, i must be imagining the whole thing.......is anybody else out there experiencing this????? if so, maybe we can help each other understand things better.....PLEASE LET ME KNOW....... michael


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#21935 - 02/18/02 03:09 PM Re: recovered memory??????
fmighell Offline
Member

Registered: 02/19/01
Posts: 276
Loc: Anchorage,Alaska
Michael-
I've experenced detachment for sometime, and that my anger can be a secondary feeling.

Also I've made my life on a time line on paper, and ask my brothers and sisters to help in remebering details of events, in their life that happened at the sametime I had gone through an event, that I can peice together with their surpport of what they remeber.
Sometimes events don't match-up and require more details to back-up, as to what may have happened.
For some reason I'm like two years off with my life and what my memory remebers. 1964 is the year my family moved to Denver, and ,I was born 1956, so that would put me at age 8 years old when we had moved to Denver, but with my memory, I kept thinking that I was 10 years old when we had moved to Denver.

Use of alcohol and drugs can cloud memory also for my brother and my sister with their memory and myself with my memory, but I've quit using anything for the last two years now.

I see a psychologist and other surpport, like NOMSV, to help relate, beacuse it was sexual abuse that have brought me this far, so-far.
fmighell anc ak


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#21936 - 02/18/02 06:28 PM Re: recovered memory??????
Ken Followell Offline
President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 12/30/01
Posts: 989
Loc: Bradenton, FL
Michael,

I understand the feelings you are having. I did not remember my abuse until I was in my 40' and could not believe it for a while. Through seeing a therapist and the love and support of my wife I have been able to move on, but the uncertainity of a past I was once sure of is a difficult thing to deal with. I keep wondering what other things in my life that I may have blacked out.

Ken

_________________________
Ken Followell

Everything works out right in the end. If things are not working right, it isn't the end yet. Don't let it bother you, relax and keep on goin
- Michael C. Muhammad

"I get up. I walk. I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing."
� Rabbi Hillel

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#21937 - 02/21/02 02:25 PM Re: recovered memory??????
getteddie Offline
Member

Registered: 07/19/01
Posts: 226
Loc: Cub Hill, Md
Memories...from the corners of our minds...horble, fucked-up memories..of the way we were!
I'm driving home when I spot an older friend from 40 years ago in his mother's front yard. He is with his wife and childen...talking to his mother. I pull over and call : hey David...this look of great fear comes over his face and he tells everyone to go inside..then slowly walks in himself without speaking back to me. I just set there wondering what was up!!!
About 6 months later I had the first flashback that I can remember...David raping me when I was 11 and he 13yo! The flashbacks haven't stopped but moved out into years of SA by him and his older brother and friend of theirs!
How are these flashbacks true??? If not, why are all the abusers gone or run off when they see me?
After over a year and a half of flashbacks, they do kind-a get a little unreal...like dreams...stick with the first ones...all my Pdocs say that they are the most true!

Eddie

I have to leave now to see a therapist but if you want to talk ...E-mail me at getteddie@yahoo.com

Good Luck


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#21938 - 02/27/02 04:09 PM Re: recovered memory??????
michaelb Offline
Member

Registered: 04/21/01
Posts: 211
Loc: cincinnati, ohio
Ken......i would very much like to talk to you further.....it seems like we are experiencing the same things.....since this is just your 10th post, i'm assuming you are new to this site......ihave been in therapy for over a year now, but it just seems like i keep feeling worse....although i have experienced a few up times, but the fear and emptiness keep roaring back to haunt me......i just do not understand how these repressed memories work....my therapist tells me i'm fighting so hard not to deal with them that it has consumed my life in many ways.....when i remember something, then i question it to the nth degree thinking that i'm just loosing my mind.....this has haunted me so much that about 4 years ago, i just went to bed to die.....i just could not face living anymore.....i'm a little better now, but fear i'm going back to that feeling of total hopelessness again.....hope i'm not depressing you.....drop me an e-mail if you feel like it.....jocks44@ yahoo.com......michael


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#21939 - 03/22/02 03:34 PM Re: recovered memory??????
inferiornevada Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/08/02
Posts: 12
Loc: lyme connecticut & nyc
you know, ive always said that one of my greatest fears is recalling past childhood experience and the uncertainty of the psychological and emotional impact theyve had upon my life. im only 22, yet up until now, ive always felt so old. i constantly was concerned about my life just passing by at the blink of an eye. however, i have now been in two psychiatric treatment facilities for over twelve months now, and ive finally been able to acknowledge how blatently obvious the long term symtoms of these past events; asocial, asexual, introverted, and exceptionally emotionally numb. ive been this way for as long as i can't remeber, -for so many years of my life that ive forgotten when. all i know is somewhere along the line i changed...

my heart goes out to you, -and tho im not religious, ill keep you in my prayers...all of you.


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#21940 - 03/25/02 10:51 AM Re: recovered memory??????
contender Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/17/01
Posts: 58
Loc: New York
I didn't believe it myself at first and then I went to a therapist and asked if this was possible and he confirmed it for me (as being possible). Normally, if I want to confirm for myself if it happened or not I simply decide if remembering it has helped me in someway either functioning or improvement of a symptom or whatever and if something improved then I know it happened. Normally there is a connection of some sought.


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#21941 - 04/02/02 09:31 PM Re: recovered memory??????
michaelb Offline
Member

Registered: 04/21/01
Posts: 211
Loc: cincinnati, ohio
why did i do such a good job convincing my therapist it was true and now i'm trying to deny the truth......but the truth comes out through dreams/flashbacks.......now i try to say that i must just be imagining things....but i realize the deep destruction that has occurred to my soul.....guess i first admitted it to myself reading the book, MALES AT RISK......great book by the way..........why do i try to deny the "TRUTH" now???????? will i ever be able to stop running and hiding?????? will it ever be possible?????? i'm afraid not........michael


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#21942 - 04/19/02 04:53 PM Re: recovered memory??????
manchild Offline
Member

Registered: 11/22/00
Posts: 35
Loc: netherlands
I recognize my own disblief/questions i had when i had my flashbacks.
I asked my mother if something happened between me and my father in bed when i was young.
She said "oh boy, i never expected you to remember that" and she began telling.
The story she told fitted with my memories of images, sounds, feelings ...
It helped me to sort out memories, like putting together pieces of a puzzle.
I concluded i wasn't going mad, the overwhelming and threatening impressions did not come ot of the blue.
I concluded that the things i experienced as a kid where too threatening to realize and put away as experiences not to be believed or to fit in my world.
We all recognize such a reaction when something threatening happens: "this can't be true" (11 sept for instance).

I recognize that i have had many times, that i doubted if the memories where correct.
The memories didn't fit in with the idealized image of my father and myself.
That idealized image once helped me to deal with my fears.

But now the facts were there and couldn't be denied like my memories.
I have considered myself lucky to have external confirmation.
Who comes easely at terms with threatening memories?

I cannot say for you whether your flashbacks are or are not to be trusted as accurate memories.
I can and do wish you strength and peace in finding out how to interprete your senses and trust.

Manchild

[ April 19, 2002: Message edited by: manchild ]


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