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#219198 - 04/19/08 10:41 PM Stepparents
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
My relationship with my stepfather is very distant. We hardly talk, we don't even say hello to each other unless we pretty much bump into each other. He started dating my mother after the abuse was over. Does anyone else have problems with their stepparents, do we send out a vibe that says I don't want to talk to you?


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"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#219199 - 04/19/08 10:43 PM Re: Stepparents [Re: onlyakid]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6403
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
how old were you when he came along?

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#219208 - 04/19/08 10:53 PM Re: Stepparents [Re: Still]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
jtt5254,

A boy's relationship with a step-parent can be very confusing in the best of cases, when the boy has good support and knows he can talk about how he feels. But if the boy has been abused then it can all become much more difficult, since in many cases he just doesn't know what is expected of him, how to relate to this new person, or how to handle the relationship the new parents has with his natural parent. If that's what's going on in childhood, then a lot of that ambivalence will show up when the boy becomes an adult.

So maybe the message you are sending isn't so much "I don't want to talk to you" as it is "I don't know what to make of our relationship".

Much love,
Larry

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Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
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#219209 - 04/19/08 10:53 PM Re: Stepparents [Re: Still]
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
15-16

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#219212 - 04/19/08 11:02 PM Re: Stepparents [Re: onlyakid]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6403
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
I think teens are really good at conveying non-verbal messages to adults...especially steps and BFs/GFs of parents.

_________________________
Wishing You Were Here!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

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#219219 - 04/19/08 11:23 PM Re: Stepparents [Re: Still]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
I think you are just probably both in your own worlds and aren't really noticing the non verbal signals from each other. Maybe you should make the first move and ask him to shoot some hoops or go for a cup of coffee or burger an soda. I know it is hard but if you want to connect you have to make the first move. He is probably feeling real awkward around you anyway.


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