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#2200 - 10/04/05 06:28 AM Re: What does a 12 year old know? *Possible Triggers*
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
***TRIGGERS***

Quote:
what exactly did I know about sex at the age of 12?
I was 12 when my older brother started the SA of me. But to me, there were a lot more dynamics going on than just the sexual thing. There was a power trip as well, him knowing he had control over me and that I would do nothing about it. I was really very naive about sex when I was 12. I was the youngest of 3 brothers, and we all bathed together in a big old clawfoot tub until I know I was at least 8 or 9. So us being naked around each other was not that unusual. But then my brother, R, took it to another dimension. "You'll like it," he said. What did I know? I was a stupid kid. And then there were the threats. I had no really close friends growing up so I had no source for the inside on what sex was. Unfortunately, the SA by my older brother twisted that around in my mind so I got to live with 40+ years of wrong conceptions.

So, that 12 year old boy didn't know what was about to happen when his older brother started undressing him. And he didn't understand what semen was. I feel so robbed. Need to stop now.

_________________________
Eddie

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#2201 - 10/04/05 11:53 AM Re: What does a 12 year old know? *Possible Triggers*
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
jtt5254,

Coming back to this and rereading the posts on this one, I had a further thought on "what does a 12-year-old know" that came to me largely as a result of what you and others have said here about your older brothers. I am the oldest of three siblings and have two younger sisters, so I guess I am writing from what I recall about that scene.

A 12-year-old is about to enter the storm of teenagerhood, and one thing he absolutely "knows" is how important it is to be wanted, accepted, and loved. He will do almost anything to be appreciated and to "fit in", and in a family context an older brother who is just a few years older can easily be almost worshipped by the younger brother. Older brothers also seem to get a lot of automatic trust.

So when an older brother offers a younger sibling some tokens of acceptance and affections....wow!!!! To the younger one this must have seemed so cool: he likes me, he is including me, he wants to show me something. From the older brother's perspective there really is a big power thing going on. I remember this from relating to my sisters; we bickered and quarrelled, sure, but I was the big brother and they both really looked up to me and I loved that feeling.

If all this gets diverted into a SA scenario, then the damage to the younger brother must be incredible. His trust is violated, his feelings and hopes are invalidated, and his already fragile self-esteem is wrecked.

I guess where I am going with this is that the issue of what a 12-year-old knows is really complicated and includes many things that aren't sexual in and of themselves, but can be dramatically affected by sex.

Eddie, you said something that really moved me:

Quote:
I feel so robbed.
You were robbed bro, and in a lot of ways. I am so sorry.

Take care,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#2202 - 10/05/05 04:59 AM Re: What does a 12 year old know? *Possible Triggers*
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
Your comments about worship of my brother, brought back this memory from my past. I remember my brother being friends with a foreign exchange student from your country (Bremen to be exact). He went to visit him in Germany and I remember going thru his stuff and listening to the music he brought back. So I guess I really looked up to him. What didn't help matters was that I wasn't very popular, so I didn't have many friends, this was due to all of the other traumas that were going on in my life, my father being sick, 2 of my grandparents dieing and my parents fighting (all within 2 years of the abuse).

Jason

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#2203 - 10/05/05 05:10 AM Re: What does a 12 year old know? *Possible Triggers*
still 12 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/09/01
Posts: 167
Childhood innocence is so precious. It is thrown away by some, taken by others. Other than death, I don't know what is more sad for a young child.

I forever lament the theft of mine at 12.

The thieves that have done this to us should not have light punishment.


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#2204 - 10/05/05 05:49 AM Re: What does a 12 year old know? *Possible Triggers*
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11053
Loc: Denver, CO
Wow, what a thread.

I always centered my childhood losses around 11 (1975), but I suppose the results are the same.

Eddie,

Quote:
I feel so robbed.
I always used the word "cheated" but I appreciate "robbed" more. I've been saying I was cheated for years. I got attitudes, behaviors, visuals, etc that skewed my perceptions of sexuality and relationship. All things an 11yo should not have to face.

I feel sad, for me, for all of you.

Andy

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#2205 - 10/05/05 03:37 PM Re: What does a 12 year old know? *Possible Triggers*
still 12 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/09/01
Posts: 167
All this 12 year old was told was "don't take candy from strangers" with no explanation of why. That was the 1950's mindset. I didn't know what that meant at all and I didn't know to ask and I didn't know that the candy could be in different forms and that it wouldn't be the devil in his red suit with a pitchfork handing it to me. It would be a "nice" person that was in a position of authority that I trusted.

I have long since forgiven, however, if given the chance, in the proper setting, I really think I might be able to pull a switch or a trigger or push a button.


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#2206 - 10/05/05 08:00 PM Re: What does a 12 year old know? *Possible Triggers*
The Seeker Offline
Member

Registered: 04/10/05
Posts: 141
Loc: Ohio, USA
Jason,

My real brother wasn't my perp, although he was phyiscally/mentally abuse to me (8 years older). But in truth, I thought he was some kind of superhero. I would have done whatever he asked. He used to use me to bait girls and get dates. I would like to answer the 12 y/o question, but by then, I was already sexualized by the SA for a few years.

_________________________
The answers are in me.

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#2207 - 10/05/05 08:11 PM Re: What does a 12 year old know? *Possible Triggers*
Mystic Rhythm Offline
Member

Registered: 08/12/05
Posts: 96
Loc: Limbo, clawing my way out...
I was 19 when my SA took place, but for all intents and purposes, I might have as well have been 12 yo. That's where I was mentally and emotionally. With parents never there and having to muddle through life completely alone, there was no sex education of any sort in my child and adolescent years. Hell even in my 12 years since my abuse I still barely know a thing about sex, love and relationships. I'm still 12 yo.

How many endless times have I searched for personal experiences to be taught the proper ways of how to feel and love, only to be turned back time and time again? My parents aren't a source, nor is my family. I don't feel comfortable at all talking about these sorts of feelings with friends.

So I can understand what might happen in the mind of a young person wanting to learn these beautiful things. Some get to learn these beautiful things while others learn the things that should never even exist in this world.

***Possible Trigger***

I find it rather frightening that there are tons of children out there that are far more educated in sex than I ever was while in high school. The one and only class in sex ed that I was submitted to was by Mr. MacAdam (a catholic priest wannabe) who was probably even more traumatized than us kids, having to demonstrate the proper ways of using a condom while holding a cucumber. At the time, we all found it funny, but looking back as a 31 year old, man that must have been a truly embarassing thing to have to do as a teacher of catholic religious instructions. Suffice it to say he became much more "religiously tyrannical" in his classes from that point on, failing students left and right for the slightest of things.

***End of Triggers***

I'm really saddened at the thought that those of you who were 12 yo in actuality had to go through hell like that. I find it rough at having been 19 when it happened to me.

I miss the days of winter where I was riding my SnoRacer, or the days of summer riding my bike all over the place. Those were the only times I ever felt free. Man I miss those days...

MR

_________________________
"Don't give up and lose the chance to return to innocence" - Enigma, Return to Innocence

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#2208 - 10/05/05 09:34 PM Re: What does a 12 year old know? *Possible Triggers*
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
You know, its been kinda bittersweet recalling these memories from childhood. On the one hand I like them because it shows me at some points I was normal on the other hand it helps to sink in the fact that I was truly abused. The real sad thing about this is that I think I've felt this way before and it obviously didn't truly sink in. I hope that it does this time.

Also I think yes, I may be 27 chronologically, I am still emotionally between 12 and 14.

Jason

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


Top
#2209 - 10/05/05 09:50 PM Re: What does a 12 year old know? *Possible Triggers*
delta.tetra Offline
Member

Registered: 04/17/05
Posts: 108
Loc: Netherlands
When I was twelve years old boys at my school would give me money and in exchange I'd tell them a sexy story or say 'swear words' for five minutes. That went on for a few weeks and I had a lot of customers. I could not understand why the boys were unable to make up dirty stories for themselves. I probably wouldn't have earned money like this, if I had not been SA'd at home for years already.


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