I broke up with my fiance in Feb. and had to move in with my 25 year old son and his g/f; my heart was broken.
I didn't realize it but my son has anger/alcohol issues and almost physically hurt me. In the heat of an alcohol fueled argument, he smacked the glasses off my face and they went flying across the room. I had to stay with my middle daughter twice in the month I was there for fear of my physical safety. Before I left, he apologized and I forgave him but my heart was broken, again.
I got a job offer out of state where my older daughter also happens to live. She was very excited and said I could stay with her and her husband, of course, and I haven't seen her in 6 months and thought this would be a wonderful, loving reunion, but...
Soon after I arrived, she got angry with me that I was making her and her husband feel stressed and pressured by my presence. I have my own bedroom and bathroom! She said they would not stop their lives for my convienence. I said I never asked them to. All I asked was to be taken to a supermarket to buy food that I like to eat. She said I was making demands on them. My heart broke, once again.
This all happened in a time span of 2 months. I go to sleep crying and I wake up crying. On my days off, I look for places to live. I get lost alot because I don't know my way around. I have lots of maps in my car.
This morning when I woke up, I asked God if there was a 'three heart break limit' rule.
I don't understand why these things happened to me.
I feel so alone, just like I did when I was sexually abused. I felt no one cared. Everyone was too busy.
Is there some lesson I'm supposed to learn here?
Is it really 'each to his own' and 'we come into the world alone and we leave it alone?'
The world feels like a very cold place now.
I know the love I have for myself has to sustain me, but I don't think I have enough of it yet.
Thanks for reading.
ps- I am NOT suicidal.