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#218685 - 04/17/08 05:19 AM another scar (triggers?)
pietie Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/23/07
Posts: 326
Loc: South Africa
So I added another scar today
Another scar forever to stay.
To remind me of this struggle I have to go on
Of emotions moving me like a pawn.
So I added another scar today.
To remind me of this hellish way.

Every day I try to live a life of victory
Without looking at my history
Of failure and despair
That keeps me feeling bare.
So I added another scar today.
Another scar forever to stay.

No one understands or no one know
Of this struggle deep down below.
Where only I can see and live the hell
That the past is offering and trying to sell.
So I added another scar today
That will increasingly keep the pain away.

Victory, salvation, joy and peace
Are terms only other people sees.
How can I add those words to the ones I know.
Why am I reaping what I did not sow?
So I added another scar today.
To keep this overwhelming pain at bay.

When will it stop, this pain inside?
Is there nowhere I can hide?
Away from this suffering, hurt and fear.
This old friend that within me stays so near?
So I added another scar today
A scar as proof of the price I pay.

Will life ever be fair to me?
Will I ever become the one I am suppose to be?
How long can I keep the facade up?
How long until I fill this cup...
That makes me add another scar to the existing scars
And keep me like steel burglar bars.
So I added another scar today
To remind me of the thorns on my way.


_________________________
Not Perfect, just forgiven

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#218759 - 04/17/08 01:43 PM Re: another scar (triggers?) [Re: pietie]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Tjaart,

When I was in San Francisco I was so ashamed of all the marks on me (from beatings and so on), and when some people got me safe and I was in a new place, I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize the 20 yo gazing back at me. When I left to return to Pennsylvania one of my biggest concerns was whether these marks would show. My face healed pretty fast, but the bruises and whatever on my back and legs took a lot longer. I thought I was marked forever and I hated that idea.

But you know what? Now no one can see a thing and all the marks have faded. I know they were inflicted on me at one time in the past, but that fact can't harm me now.

I think that with time yours will fade as well. Emotional marks are way more difficult to heal, but with time even they give way and fade. Not in the memory, but in their power to harm.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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