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#218598 - 04/16/08 06:13 PM The Son becomes the Father....
HurtinginMD Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/08
Posts: 74
Loc: Cranston, RI
Last night was such a strange night for me... Once again I found that I couldn't sleep because anxiety was overwhelming me about an upcoming visit from my mom, aunt, and younger sister. I was anxious that they would atart asking questions I didn't want to answer. So i found myself on MS and chatting with friends. The topic came up about parents responsibility regarding CSA. This is a tough struggle for me because I had the kind of mom and grandparents who would allow me to run around the neighborhood unsupervised at 5 years old.

I realized that if my dad had not been pushed away then my csa might not have occured. When he came back into my life at 10 yrs old he was so protective and watchful. Nothing got by him. I am so much like him in everyway (personality, talents, same occupation, looks). He was my best friend until he passed away 6 years ago.

With all the feelings that I was having last night I was longing to have just a moment with him by my side again. Dad comforting his favorite son and telling him that dad was there and everything was going to be alright. Just as I was feeling this longing to be held by my dad it happened... My 2.5yr old son DJ, my namesake who looks just like me and has my personality, came down the stairs and was sitting on the bottom step crying.

At that moment I felt a strength that I had not felt all night. I picked him up in my arms and said, "Daddy's here...everything is going to be alright." I could hear my father saying to me, "You're the father now." I now understand the words from superman:

"You will be different, sometimes you'll feel like an outcast, but you'll never be alone. You will make my strength your own. You will see my life through your eyes, as your life will be seen through mine. The son becomes the father and the father becomes the son."

So now I have the answer to the question "who is going to protect and nurture the lost little boy inside of me?" The answer is I am. I'm the daddy now.

DB (HurtinginMD)

_________________________
I want always to be a boy and have fun... (Peter Pan)

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#218608 - 04/16/08 06:30 PM Re: The Son becomes the Father.... [Re: HurtinginMD]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
DB,

Cool post. Yes, you are in charge now. The lost boy within you needs to be understood, nurtured and assured of his innocence, but he also needs to see that you are The Man now. Just like your son on the steps, he needs to be picked up, carried and assured that he's safe now.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#218616 - 04/16/08 07:54 PM Re: The Son becomes the Father.... [Re: roadrunner]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6397
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Yes...a very cool post! I've gained some great perspective from it. Thank you for sharing this!

Now, if I could only adopt the same ability.

_________________________
Wish You Were Here!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

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#218629 - 04/16/08 09:06 PM Re: The Son becomes the Father.... [Re: Still]
River Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/23/07
Posts: 112
Loc: Nashville,Tennessee
Derek,

Awesome! Little Derek NEVER has to be alone ever again because adult Derek is there to take care of him. It is amazing what God teaches us through our children!

Blessings,

_________________________
GD

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#218635 - 04/16/08 09:47 PM Re: The Son becomes the Father.... [Re: River]
HurtinginMD Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/08
Posts: 74
Loc: Cranston, RI
Thanks guys for your encouraging words.... i have felt so good all day. I feel like I'm heading in the right direction.

DB (HurtingInMD)

_________________________
I want always to be a boy and have fun... (Peter Pan)

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#218639 - 04/16/08 10:06 PM Re: The Son becomes the Father.... [Re: HurtinginMD]
frost Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 1377
Loc: Eh?
so good to hear that you're in a better space today db. that was awesome lastnight. a major breakthrough and am glad you're celebrating it as such.

all the best
~Bri

_________________________
Boom!

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#218667 - 04/17/08 12:28 AM Re: The Son becomes the Father.... [Re: frost]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 979
Loc: HULBERT OK
My abuse happened when I was just 18 I neaver takled about being sodomised . The memory came back almost 25 yaers after it happened . I told my father a few years ago . It almost killed him .

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#218768 - 04/17/08 03:36 PM Re: The Son becomes the Father.... [Re: OKIE MIKE]
HurtinginMD Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/08
Posts: 74
Loc: Cranston, RI
I have honestly felt better the past couple of days than i have in weeks. Thank you all for the kind words. I hope that everyone here is able to find a father figure...or an inspiration to help them press on

_________________________
I want always to be a boy and have fun... (Peter Pan)

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