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#2176 - 04/01/03 06:32 PM "M*ther F*****?"
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Recently I was conversing with a friend, telling about how my mother incested me. Suddenly, I remembered something about my SA I hadn't before:

Evidently sometime in my incested childhood I must have told somebody, some neighborhood friends
I suppose, about what my mother & I did.

Why I mentioned it I don't recall. Most likely I was just casually mentioning something that was a part of my life I was accustomed to. Never really occurred to me to think of it as wrong (tho it felt wrong deep down). Also never really occurred to me that I would get any kind of strong reaction
about what I said.

Hoo-boy was I wrong!

Next thing I know they start calling me a m*ther f*ck*r: "Oh wow you really did that?!" Man you're a lucky m*ther f*ck*r!"

Another item to add to my list of reasons why I buried the very memory of my SA so deep for so many years.

I sure didn't feel lucky. In fact I felt like

Remembering it was weird but didn't really bother
me too much.

Becuz now I know what happened: I didn't f*ck my mother, she f*ck*d me!

Becuz now I know what happened was wrong: my mother sexually abused me!

Becuz now I know what happened was wrong: and it wasn't my fault at all, it was all her fault!

Nor am I mad at those neighborhood kids, as they had no idea what they were talking about, even tho I did.

Adults who say boys who are "sexually initiated" by their mothers or mother figures are lucky, who make "touching, romantic" movies about mother-son incest, who don't take it seriously in the courts,
do not have the excuse of childish ignorance.

They are just plain ignorant!

I'm making it my mission to enlighten them!

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#2177 - 04/01/03 06:47 PM Re: "M*ther F*****?"
Sick Puppy Offline
Member

Registered: 03/30/03
Posts: 300
Loc: Nowhere Land
There was a kid in my high school who was slightly mentally retarded, and since it was a small town, everyone knew his story, which was that his mother (who had also been slightly retarded) had had a sexual relationship with him when he was young, so he'd been placed in a foster home in our town. All the guys said he was "lucky" to get sex so easy and young, especially because he probably wouldn't have sex again anytime soon, being mentally retarded. One time I said to them that he probably did not feel lucky about it and that it's abuse when a mother does that so they accused me of having sex with my mother... which I had... but they didn't know that. They thought they were just teasing me.

_________________________
And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly
From the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see


Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea

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#2178 - 04/02/03 12:08 AM Re: "M*ther F*****?"
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
My late brother, whom I had to virtually raise, was mentally & physically retarded (compared to whom, I wonder? :rolleyes: ). I have wondered lately if this was not becuz he too was sexually abused, as I was, at a very young age--maybe younger than myself. Maybe while I largely suppressed & buried it all, he did so even more deeply, to the point of "losing his mind", and control of his body. I know he did not like it any more than I did!

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#2179 - 04/03/03 12:45 AM Re: "M*ther F*****?"
Nathan LaChine Offline
Webmaster
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/22/03
Posts: 5378
Loc: Washington State
Victor you rant all you want. I was abused by a women I am just now having memeries of it. You know I don't feel lucky to have had sex at 11 with a women. Who in their right mind would call us lucky?


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#2180 - 04/03/03 12:05 PM Re: "M*ther F*****?"
MrEdd Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/24/03
Posts: 317
Loc: Texas
Sex at 5 with a woman in her 50s was not in any way enjoyable. Her breasts were flat and cold and her nipples smelled and tasted like baby powder and she was holding me down while her husband also did me and he was big and I hung open after they were through and then she held my head over the toilet with one arm twisted behind my back while her husband held my mouth open and came and then pissed and I can still taste it all and how fucking lucky is that shit.

_________________________
Some Things are not problems to be solved, rather, they are facts which must be coped with over time.

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#2181 - 04/03/03 08:40 PM Re: "M*ther F*****?"
SOUTH OF NY Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/08/03
Posts: 7
Loc: COLUMBIA, SC
bravo victor you took an all important step. continue the walk forward......... \:D

_________________________
FINDING MYSELF

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#2182 - 04/03/03 09:03 PM Re: "M*ther F*****?"
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Quote:
Victor you rant all you want.
Thanks Nathan, it does feel pretty good.

Quote:
I was abused by a women I am just now having memeries of it. You know I don't feel lucky to have had sex at 11 with a women.
Yes Nathan sadly I know the feeling, and I feel for you as you are just starting to have these memories return. It's tough & it's painful, but it will be worth it for you as you work thru them with good support & therapy.

Quote:
Who in their right mind would call us lucky?
In their right mind? Nobody!

And they call us crazy?!


Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#2183 - 04/03/03 09:12 PM Re: "M*ther F*****?"
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Quote:
Sex at 5 with a woman in her 50s was not in any way enjoyable. Her breasts were flat and cold and her nipples smelled and tasted like baby powder and she was holding me down while her husband also did me and he was big and I hung open after they were through and then she held my head over the toilet with one arm twisted behind my back while her husband held my mouth open and came and then pissed and I can still taste it all and how fucking lucky is that shit.
It isn't. People don't know what in hell's bathroom they're talking about. They think it sounds cool or studly or something. Sometimes it's all I can do to keep from wishing they could have that kind of "luck" and see how "lucky" they feel. ...

MrEdd, brother survivor, how I'm pained for you as I read this horrible piece of your story. \:\(

What an awesome survivor you are!

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#2184 - 04/03/03 09:15 PM Re: "M*ther F*****?"
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Quote:
bravo victor you took an all important step. continue the walk forward......... \:D
Thank you my "south of the border" Carolina friend! \:\)

One step at a time...

Take care.

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#2185 - 04/08/03 12:24 PM Re: "M*ther F*****?"
RJD Offline
Member

Registered: 02/18/01
Posts: 326
Loc: jefferson City, Mo,usa
"When I hear the expression "Motherfucker", I feel like someone half-grinning has slit open my spine with a razor blade, and poured a box of salt into the open wound. It is a term of contempt. To become numb was the only way to find relief for this searing pain. There is also “ mean as a motherfucker.” I always wondered where these expressions came from. "Mama’s boy" is also a castrating term of contempt because it marks a boy as outside of the “boy code” fraternity as described in Pollack’s book Real Boys."
--------- from my thesis


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