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#218341 - 04/15/08 03:38 PM .
bardo213 Offline
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Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
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Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 04:29 PM)

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#218439 - 04/15/08 10:59 PM Re: to fight or too grieve [Re: bardo213]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2024
Loc: durham, north england
Linchmob, I think I understand what your saying, last week (right up to last wednesday), I found myself becoming really angry with myself and how my recovery was going. I was putting huge amounts of mental effort and hammer into dealing with my feelings, I was facing the pain, I was fighting myself, ----- and all it got me was totally exhausted. I was working as hard as I could to try and punch through my feelings and get to the other side, ---- and this just wasn't working, and I felt more self-anger than ever before. I couldn't let myself cry, and I felt like a broken crippled wreck just putting upon my wonderful friends whenever I tried to talk about this sort of thing.

Last thursday, I realized that this really wasn't working. That the only way I could stop this cycle of mental self-hurting and disgust was by bringing these feelings out, not to try and deal with them, but just for the sake of having them in front of me and allowing myself to feel them without anger or fear.

So this piece of music makes me cry? so what, perhaps I need to cry, and that's okay. So I feel worthrless and any sort of complement or good feeling about myself hurts? so, what, yes it hurts, there's a wound there.

In my poem on the subject I talked about using the light of day to dispell shaddows, because that's what it's like. not trying to actively do! anything about my feelings, just letting myself feel them for the sake of it.

I'm not sure if this is the same as what your feeling, or if this advice will help at all. I've never really been one for the inner child thing myself, ----- though if it helps you, fair enough.

good luck to you, and please keep talking, I really hope you can start feeling better soon.


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#218440 - 04/15/08 11:19 PM Re: to fight or too grieve [Re: dark empathy]
Letourski Offline


Registered: 03/15/08
Posts: 302
Loc: Canada
Hey lynchmob, I can relate to fighting the feelings and disassociating yourself from it. I have been trying to get in touch with the feelings of the past for almost a year now and everytime i feel i am getting close i close out in fear. Like you intellectually speaking I can pinpoint the source of my pain but emotionally i am a mess. Just analyzing my feelings on a daily basis take so much out of me at the end of the day i am left tired and still confused. All i can really do is feel my pain and listen to it. Try and identify what has you feeling this way and explore that. Just keep voicing your feelings and eventually the emotions will flow. I am not quite there but I have hope that that day will come soon.

My best wishes brother, we are not fighting but living.

_________________________
I am the warrior.

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