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#218308 - 04/15/08 12:56 PM I Can't Stand You
Letourski Offline


Registered: 03/15/08
Posts: 302
Loc: Canada
I have been reading an increasing amount of posts recently and i have come to realize that I am very insecure. I constantly compare myself to others, I weigh myself like 3 times a day. I hate my hands at times and I criticize everthing I do from decisions to everyday things. I am only now seeing the extent of this and it has me feeling weak and out of power. I have a difficult time accepting compliments from others and often tell myself that only a gay man can be considered good looking to others. I have never fullly trusted any other male figures other than my father. I want to start building a healthy body image but when I started working out thats when these feelings really began to consume me. I have a good friend but at times I feel alienated. I just want to feel strong and accept the me I am but I feel as though I am treading water.

_________________________
I am the warrior.

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#218332 - 04/15/08 02:38 PM Re: I Can't Stand You [Re: Letourski]
hogan_dawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
The treading water feeling I can relate to - same here sometimes.

Trust is hard to pick up but I think it's possible. You getting therapy of any kind?

Some self criticism is useful I do it too but yeah it can get out of hand sometimes...just thank goodness you're not a dick - true dicks don't have the capacity for self criticism. \:\)



Edited by hogan_dawg (04/15/08 02:38 PM)
_________________________
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

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#218339 - 04/15/08 03:22 PM . [Re: hogan_dawg]
bardo213 Offline
Guest

Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
.


Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 04:29 PM)

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#218344 - 04/15/08 03:45 PM Re: I Can't Stand You [Re: bardo213]
dannym Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/24/07
Posts: 543
Loc: Boulder, Colorado
Letourski,

I think your feelings are shared by the majority of men here... at some level. The abuses of our past sets us up for so much self hate and criticism... we see ourselves as so inadequate, even when we are told or even shown the contrary.

I made a big transformation in my body several years ago.. and I continue to work toward a more healthy self image. One thing that helped me initially was to take joy that I had the body to help me get to the gym... that I had my motor skills... that I could make changes. Then I set really short term goals, for example, for today I will do this and this... and at the end of the day, I evaluated whether I met them or not, and if they were too easy, too hard or just right, then made goals for the next day. I began to see imporvements pretty fast an dmade my goals more long range.

I lost 70 pounds, gained 20 pounds of muscle and started doing triathlons and mountain climbing... but you know what? EVERYDAY I still struggle with my self esteem... every day I need to evaluate what I;m doing, how I view myself, etc. I am 44 (NOT 46 as my best friend accused me of yesterday) and i am just now starting to like myself SOMETIMES!!!

Goodluck, and feel free to PM me -

Dan

PS, I used to weigh myself all the time... today only 3 times!!!!

_________________________
"You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head."

Marge Simpson

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#218353 - 04/15/08 04:41 PM Re: I Can't Stand You [Re: dannym]
Letourski Offline


Registered: 03/15/08
Posts: 302
Loc: Canada
Thanks guys, alot of good advice. I want to embrace the me I know I can be.

_________________________
I am the warrior.

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#218357 - 04/15/08 04:54 PM Re: I Can't Stand You [Re: Letourski]
hogan_dawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
I think you're on a good track - people in the helping professions (I've been seeing a few lately) say it takes a lot of courage and guts inside to admit this kind of thing to yourself, let alone to someone else. That was probably one of the hardest steps on the journey, I'll bet. It was for me, so far.

_________________________
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

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#218360 - 04/15/08 05:04 PM Re: I Can't Stand You [Re: hogan_dawg]
alphabravo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/07
Posts: 56
Loc: Boston, MA
Hello Letourski and Welcome. You are with Friends.

I have started down this road with all these good people. I have bad self image also. (Today being a very bad day for me.) I have found working out helps very much. I, like Dan, have lost about 40 to 45 pounds and about 4 inches off my waist.

I am trying to feel better about myself, but still see myself as ugly and below all around me. When I work out, I feel better. Doing cardio and lifting weights helps me think and clear out the poison from my system. I need to workout everyday because the "clarity" only last for a short time. But, I'll take 2 hours of feeling better over none. One day, I may even feel better for an entire day.

Anyways. Exercise helps me think and clear my head. I recommend it to anyone. . .

Good Luck and I wish you well my Brother. . .

Thomas

_________________________
Its not how far you fall, its how you land.

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#218405 - 04/15/08 08:33 PM Re: I Can't Stand You *DELETED* [Re: alphabravo]
awakening Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/08
Posts: 342
Post deleted by awakening


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#218426 - 04/15/08 10:19 PM Re: I Can't Stand You [Re: awakening]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1893
Loc: durham, north england
Letourski, I'm afraid I have no answers, but I recognize many of the feelings you mention as things I'm trying to deal with myself. But you have made a good start by talking about them here, and your doing what you can by seaking help to fix them. This is a really good thing to do.Please keep talking about how you feel here, ---- it does help.

Btw, your mention of exercise is reminding me that I need to start again. I usually do 20 minutes running and half an hour weights each day, and when I was doing that back in january it did actually help with my recovery. I didn't particularly feel better about my body, but at least I was flooded with adrenaline a couple of times a day which helped. I stopped when I had a major production in February, and have been trying to motivate myself to get started again for the last month or so, sinse I know it will help me, but I just haven't been able to muster the wherewithall to do it, and my sleep cycle has been shot to hell anyway.

Seeing your post and the reply by alphabravo though, you remind me that I need to get started. It's three in the morning over here, but in five hours, at eight O.clock I'm dam well going to start running again, even if I have to kick myself into doing it.

so thank you, and I really hope you can start down the road of feeling better.


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