You are a dear brother, though I have sensed you desire distance most of the time. This I understand.
Like you I self harm. God has been merciful to me and I am better.
I love your letter because it comes from the heart. I have been in "that place" more times than I care to admit and your letter brings up some good points from which I have grown.
For the benefit of many others like me and so that we can reap maximum benefit from your post I want to expound on some of those points by quoting parts of your letter, because it takes us back to ďthat place.Ē
"I have found through Jesus Christ. He pulled me out of a very bad start in life and stood by me for the rest of my life."
God is there for us, though we may not always sense His presence, His hand on our shoulder. Sometimes we just need to be still, listen, and look.
"Never think that you are too good or too well off or too busy or even too poor to help your fellow man."
Even in our broken state we are valuable to and worthwhile to our children.
"be certain that true love drives your actions"
True love should drive us to do whatever it takes to be there for our children, the flesh of our flesh, because love is a choice not a feeling.
"my absence is not as large a disadvantage"
Our absence is a huge disadvantage to our kids that need us, even as adults. I needed mine and he was not always there for me. Today we have a relationship, itís not much but I am grateful for whatever I can get.
"what would Dad suggest I do"
Our actions speak louder then words. Our kids will look back on what the things we did and gleam from them.
"its important that you not dwell on me or on my absence"
Our kids will forever dwell on our absence, they can not help it. We did and so will they.
Our lives are worth more than the things we suffered and, in many cases, continue to suffer. There is a purpose for us. Sometimes we just donít see it through the torment. I know first hand. The God who is undeniable and feared by so many has opened my eyes and the eyes of my heart. I wish that all those who have suffered CSA could experience this awakening because CSA can be so devastating. Why? Because beyond our recovery lies the goal of positively impacting the lives of our children and those at risk of suffering the same blight.
Thank you Robbie for sharing and bringing up this very important topic.
Today I'm O.K.
One day at a time I make the journey.