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#218136 - 04/14/08 08:09 PM F@#$ IT!
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
Well the past 7 days have been a joy.NOT! My life sucks too. After and bad adjustment "tweak" on my meds I'm finally starting to feel OK. The hypo mania is wearing off and I'm getting depressed somewhat and angry that my life has not changed onto some wonderful dream world where I feel loved and accepted, I feel like crap and just don't fit in anywhere of the norm peeps. I'm just a mish mosh of broken thoughts and broken hearts. Disappointed, let down, wanna give up don't give a flying F$%^ and just want to get on with life and be average. BUT NO I got Freekin issues and labeles like I'm a screwed up magazine factory spitting out vile issue after vile issue each with its own label and problem. and they are all mine. CSA, OCD, Bi-POLAR II, Treatment resistant depression, severe depression, GAD, SAD, learning disabled, social anxiety disorder, cult survivor, sexual abuse survivor, recovered alcoholic, recovered, drug addict, survivor!
That one covers it all SURVIVOR this is what being a survivor means to me. All the things I have been diagnosed with and all the things I have recovered from.
BUT DAMN IT WHEN DOES IT END!!!!! WHEN will I feel good again? Am I not worthy of love? am I so screwed up that I got a big sign on my head that says MESSED UP STAY AWAY? fuck it!



Edited by GateKPR4 (04/14/08 08:15 PM)
_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
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#218141 - 04/14/08 08:48 PM Re: F@#$ IT! [Re: GateKPR4]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 982
Loc: HULBERT OK
There is no such thing as a mericle pill

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#218146 - 04/14/08 09:04 PM Re: F@#$ IT! [Re: OKIE MIKE]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
yeah I know, thanks Mike

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_τΏτ_m__
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#218148 - 04/14/08 09:06 PM Re: F@#$ IT! [Re: OKIE MIKE]
hogan_dawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
It's a long road.

It's hard to offer anything that's going to make you feel better except you should know that you have company. Survivors of child sexual abuse often have many psychological and physical problems too.

The fact that many CSA survivors have health concerns because (I infer) of sexual abuse, maybe it behooves each of our States to finally do more for CSA victims early on, and save on the health costs later on.

Glad the meds are kicking in positively. Keeping up that track is tough but you can do it.

When does it end? I can't say I know.

When will you feel good again? The medications getting normalized is a good start. Perhaps check your pulse in that regard - just jot down how you're feeling over time. Maybe you'll see an improvement?

Are you worthy of love? Oh gosh yeah.

Are you so screwed up that you have a sign on your head that says 'Messed up stay away'? I don't know you in person but your writing on here says to me you're as messed up as any of us, but no more no less. I'm sure I won't stay away.

Have you tried something amusing or relaxing to take your mind off your troubles? I play video games.

That's the thing about survivors - we do have each other. And we need each other.

_________________________
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

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#218150 - 04/14/08 09:40 PM Re: F@#$ IT! [Re: hogan_dawg]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
Thanks dawg I am doing a little better now I got all that out. ITs been eating at me for a couple days and sometimes some things I read remind me of things I don't often think about and some pain comes back and the cork blows off the bottle.
We will make it through this, it just takes time. thank you for responding.

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_τΏτ_m__
|| || || || || || |

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#218151 - 04/14/08 09:46 PM Re: F@#$ IT! [Re: GateKPR4]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Well...........ok..........my question for YOU Ricky is:

What's all these labels keeping you from doing? Is there something that you're not able to do or enjoy in your life because of these things? What are they?


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#218152 - 04/14/08 09:48 PM Re: F@#$ IT! [Re: hogan_dawg]
G5 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/12/04
Posts: 203
Loc: New Jersey
Dude....hang in there. I hated the idea of being on meds myself, but i knew I needed to have them. they allowed me to level off so I actually could come out of the house.
After eight or so years and 40 lbs. I'm at the point now where I don't use them....tho I should take something for my anxiety. It really does get better....please believe me. But it takes some work and I think you see that. I still believe that I have a 'label' that people can see.....that i'm tainted and screwed up.....that I deserved this pain. I don't. We don't. We have each other and that means a lot.

Keep talking about where your at. You are loved. I need to hear your points of view because that helps me on my journey. I hope my points can help you in some way too.

Stay strong,

Chris

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#218155 - 04/14/08 09:54 PM Re: F@#$ IT! [Re: G5]
ineffable Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/08
Posts: 1371
Loc: state of holeecrapdood
Gate

I'll meet you in the Mansion... Headbangers room
We'll crank some metal, your choice man
Stick our heads in the Marshal stacks

Heck if enough people show we can "baptize" the mosh pit





_________________________
:: "Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there" ::


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#218157 - 04/14/08 10:10 PM Re: F@#$ IT! [Re: ineffable]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
Hauser the labels are just that. Survivor is really the only one that mans anything to me. I had a stressful day and had to blow off some steam. The labels don't stop me from anything. I can still mosh with the best of em \:\)
I had a little setback and I'm over reacting to it. It happens once in a while. I appreciate all the feedback because it helps me realize that I'm not alone and this is just temporary and things get put back in perspective. Sometimes a pothole looks like a canyon. ............... off to the mosh!!!!!!!

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_τΏτ_m__
|| || || || || || |

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#218279 - 04/15/08 10:24 AM Re: F@#$ IT! [Re: GateKPR4]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Ricky,

Originally Posted By: GateKPR4
I can still mosh with the best of em \:\)


Hey, there you go, bro!!! \:D Sometimes we just need a good vent. I'm glad you got all that out and are bouncing back.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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