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#209 - 12/30/06 08:50 PM Re: sex and power thing - possible ** triggers **
duncanUK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/24/06
Posts: 632
I GIVE UP..... THERE IS NO POINT. I HATE MYSELF SO INTENSLY.
I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT ME. I CANT FIND MYSELF INSIDE MYSELF. I AM LOST A NOBODY. I DONT KNOW WHO I AM.

_________________________
you dont see me. i am not really here. Its my fault.. all of it. I am to blame and no one else.

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#210 - 12/30/06 09:24 PM Re: sex and power thing - possible ** triggers **
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Duncan, you have to tell yourself that you are not bad, it was not yr fault, and guess what, I blame myself, and so do the others here bar none.

I tend to think that sometimes you can come here and it has an adverse effect on your moving forward, but it is you who has to do it.

Listen to what the other guys have said, take it in, and be strong no matter what.
Dont let things go out of control, think better,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#211 - 12/30/06 09:34 PM Re: sex and power thing - possible ** triggers **
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
giving up is not acceptable ,if i cant then you cant . i confuse hating what happened to me with hating myself two different things . why shouldnt we just give up ?i mean hey we got good reasons right? why shouldnt we say i just dont matter ?how can anybody ever care about us if we cant even care about ourselves?

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#212 - 12/30/06 09:54 PM Re: sex and power thing - possible ** triggers **
duncanUK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/24/06
Posts: 632
Thanks guys. but its the truth i am wating my time trying to get help. its not going to help i will probably be patronised by the counsellor so what is the point of it all?

I should have kept quite about it and even when i was triggered i should have maintained control.

so if i was to give up does it matter? afterall i am the one giving up. i can face living in the "dark" again it will take time to re adjust and bury my emotions again at least my mind will not be constantly ripped apart like it is now.

And as for the hate i cant stop it. i cannot stop hating myself i dont love myself. if i look in the mirror i wonder who is that.

I also hate that i could not defend myself and i had to do things against my will. i hate all of it. i am so angry as well.

_________________________
you dont see me. i am not really here. Its my fault.. all of it. I am to blame and no one else.

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#213 - 12/30/06 10:40 PM Re: sex and power thing - possible ** triggers **
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Duncan, triggers are not of your control, they are emotional triggers.
When I was a child, I had nowhere like this to turn to, and nobody to listen.

Yr mind can control anything, you only have to see what the kids went through to guess that nothing is impossibe, but it is tough.

I guess it may be tougher being a man, and seemingly made less of a man by meeting those beasts, but you are better than them.

You are digging yourself out of the pit of despair, just as I did as a kid, and it was prob easier because I never had to go to work and be with men etc.

There never is a scale of abuse, if it hurts, it hurts much the same, but maybe with added hurt.
We have to believe that we are much stronger than we think, and to do that, we have to stop blaming ourselves.

Let the pressure off by doing something like walking or cycling in the country with the birds and animals and stuff with no distraction.

Thats what I do, get out into the world of animals and just be with them and no noise,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#214 - 12/31/06 12:06 AM Re: sex and power thing - possible ** triggers **
duncanUK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/24/06
Posts: 632
I GIVE UP..... THERE IS NO POINT. I HATE MYSELF SO INTENSLY.
I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT ME. I CANT FIND MYSELF INSIDE MYSELF. I AM LOST A NOBODY. I DONT KNOW WHO I AM.

_________________________
you dont see me. i am not really here. Its my fault.. all of it. I am to blame and no one else.

Top
#215 - 12/31/06 05:36 AM Re: sex and power thing - possible ** triggers **
Dewey2k Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069
Duncan,

I hope our conversation tonight helped some. Remember:

You are not to blame -- it was not your fault. You did not ask for what was forced upon you.

You are now in control. It is within your power to decide how you deal with things. You can choose what will come of what happened to you.

You aren't alone -- You know where to find us.


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#216 - 01/01/07 07:38 AM Re: sex and power thing - possible ** triggers **
Barney Offline


Registered: 07/31/06
Posts: 236
Loc: Southern Utah/Northern Arizon
I love this site!!!!!!! Thank you all for caring so much and taking the time to respond to Duncan in his obvious hour of need. It would have been so good for me to have been able to turn to a similar organization 25 years ago when I first started dealing with my abuse. Didn't happen but I hope Duncan and others facing similar situations can listen to the wisdom, care, and encouragement each of you have so openly and freely offered. I also hope Duncan and thousands more like him are fortunate enough to find this site in 2007, they certainly deserve it.

Duncan, my thoughts and prayers are with you. Hang on, you are going to make it.


Barney


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#217 - 01/01/07 12:30 PM Re: sex and power thing - possible ** triggers **
duncanUK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/24/06
Posts: 632


_________________________
you dont see me. i am not really here. Its my fault.. all of it. I am to blame and no one else.

Top
#218 - 01/02/07 01:07 AM Re: sex and power thing - possible ** triggers **
Dewey2k Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069
You aren't alone, Duncan.


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