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#217851 - 04/13/08 05:49 PM Unexpected…Responses
Calanthe Offline
New Here

Registered: 01/24/08
Posts: 109
Loc: California
Okay about 2 ½ months ago (about the time I joined this site) I reported my abuser to the leaders of the Mormon Church. That letter became the basis of my survivor story (see Directed By God vol. 1-9 in the Survivor Stories forum).

Anyway, I was just getting to the point were I was sure there would be no response form the Mormon Church and I received a phone message from the authorities of the Mormon Church and I am feeling a little shocky, my stomach is in knots and I want to run and hide. I won’t but I want too. Sigh…my life this to point has made me strong enough to face anything, even the Mormon Church. But one of the things I have learned in years of recovery is not matter what I have to face I never have to face it alone again. So here I am sharing my process with you.

I will break this down in steps: first I will get clear on what I need and want, then I will ask for support and then I will call and find out what they want from me (the phone call made it pretty clear they wanted to set up a time to talk with me, I just don’t know about what…Oh f#%k I hate this shit…being a grown-up and all) and then I will take the next appropriate action and do all in my power to stop this sexual predator

Thanks

Scott

_________________________
You can't save your Ass and your Face at the same time. (Anonymous)

And given the choice I will save my ass first everytime(STC)

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#217853 - 04/13/08 06:01 PM Re: Unexpected…Responses [Re: Calanthe]
Scoutvictim Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/04/07
Posts: 434
Loc: St. Louis, Missouri
Good for you Scott,

Send me a PM, and I will do anything I can to help.

I am taking on the BSA myself, so I know what kind of things you're going through. Big organization vs. a scared little boy.

Let me know if you want a shoulder to lean on.

Luv ya,
Carl

_________________________
Shawn and Ben will always be in my heart....

Happiness is like peeing your pants; Everyone can see it, but only YOU feel the warmth.

Peebles, Ohio WOR alumni, Oct. 2007

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#217856 - 04/13/08 06:08 PM Re: Unexpected…Responses [Re: Calanthe]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Scott,
I do not envy your position. This is a powerful organization. I do admire your courage will pray that you are able to be successful in getting this guy taken care of one way or another. I read your story and have to say that your seduction by this guys has got to be one of the most patient and creative I have seen. My dad was not even on this guys calibre and he was good. I look forward to hearing the outcome of you fight with this system that would protect such a fiend.


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#217924 - 04/13/08 10:33 PM Re: Unexpected…Responses [Re: Freedom49]
hogan_dawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
Hey Calanthe,

I don't get it.

You have to meet with them?

That feels like directly squaring off against the abuser.

You sure you want to do that or can you get an agent or lawyer to represent you? I don't know, it just feels scary.

_________________________
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

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#218078 - 04/14/08 04:03 PM Re: Unexpected…Responses [Re: Calanthe]
Calanthe Offline
New Here

Registered: 01/24/08
Posts: 109
Loc: California
Thanks for your responses guys, I appreciate the support \:\)

Carl, I will be in touch with you thanks for your generous offer.

Free, Thanks for your response here and your validation of the events of my abuse that means a lot to me. I know this is typical of a survivor but there is still a part me that thinks when people hear my story they are going to say I am lying or making it up. So your validation means a lot.

Hogan, I understand what you are saying. It does feel scary. Yes, I could have an attorney or an agent represent me. But the direction I have received from the attorneys I have spoken too has been to proceed without representation due the fact that my case cannot be prosecuted because of the statute of limitation issue involved. But it does put me in a position of having to deal with the representatives of the Mormon Church one on one, which I agree is scary.

Update on contacting the Mormon Church:

I have responded to their first message and basically they want to arrange a meeting either in person or on the phone to determine what “The Mormon Church can do to help me with healing from what was done to me” code for settlement. I am requesting that the meeting be done on the phone. I have contacted one of the attorneys I have spoken with for direction on how to precede from here. This meeting should take place later this week.

I will keep you posted.

Thanks

Scott

_________________________
You can't save your Ass and your Face at the same time. (Anonymous)

And given the choice I will save my ass first everytime(STC)

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#218104 - 04/14/08 06:22 PM Re: Unexpected…Responses [Re: Calanthe]
hogan_dawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
Wow.

Thanks for explaining.

I hope it's code for settlement and you get satisfaction.

Pity these 'statutes of limitation' exist for these crimes. It's giving perpetrators a get out of jail free card.

Good luck and I'll say a prayer for ya.

_________________________
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

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#218130 - 04/14/08 07:50 PM Re: Unexpected…Responses [Re: hogan_dawg]
arronb Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/08
Posts: 1005
Loc: Perth
Hi Scott,

Hope everything goes well for ya with the meeting/phone call ...
will be thinking of you & sending good positive thoughts that you get the outcome you want \:\)



_________________________
Keep Smilin'
arronb

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#218374 - 04/15/08 06:54 PM Re: Unexpected…Responses [Re: arronb]
Calanthe Offline
New Here

Registered: 01/24/08
Posts: 109
Loc: California
Hi All,

Update #2:
I have a telephone meeting scheduled tomorrow with representatives of the Mormon Church. Oh boy… I am pretty clear I want I want to ask for and I will be touching base with an attorney I have spoken to in the past. My partner has been a ton of support through this whole process, but I am scared. Even with my clarity I am scared. I know they can’t hurt me and I know I don’t have accept anything I don’t want but…it is just a little hard to wait this one out.

Again thanks for being here and I will keep you posted on this process.

Scott

_________________________
You can't save your Ass and your Face at the same time. (Anonymous)

And given the choice I will save my ass first everytime(STC)

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#218375 - 04/15/08 06:57 PM Re: Unexpected…Responses [Re: Calanthe]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Hang in there Scott. Write it all down so you don't get rattled on the phone. Be clear. Be specific. Be firm. Thinking of you.


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#218432 - 04/15/08 10:38 PM Re: Unexpected…Responses [Re: Freedom49]
grover Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/28/07
Posts: 50
Loc: Tennessee
You are the one in the position of power this time. Just remember that. And hang in there. we're all behind you.

_________________________
Shocking revelations, we are all deeply effected.
-the Waitresses "Wise up"

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#218625 - 04/16/08 08:43 PM Re: Unexpected…Responses [Re: Calanthe]
Calanthe Offline
New Here

Registered: 01/24/08
Posts: 109
Loc: California
Update #3

Hi All,

First, I want to thank everyone for their support it means a lot.

Second, I just got done with my telephone meeting with the representatives of the Mormon Church and it went better than I thought and yet quite different than I expected.

First they made clear to me that they thought what had happened to me was unconscionable and they even apologized ((lol) I know that may not sound like much but I never really expected them to take this seriously). I did not expect them to respond at all; I excepted them to ignore it or cover it up.

We were both pretty frank and I said I was looking to accomplish two things one to stop this predator and two to receive some kind of financial recognition for my damages. They in turn said quite frankly that while the church felt some finical responsibility they were not the men who would determine that; they are the men who are responsible for preparing church action against this my abuser. They asked if I would be will to speak to a church court (the Mormon Church holds courts to determine whether or not to excommunicate members).

So basically as it stands now the Mormon Church is preparing to take the strongest action against this man that is within their power. Of course as my attorney pointed out that is not nearly enough and one hand he is right and I agree. But on the other hand I did not expect the Mormon Church to take any action, nor did I expect a prominent church leader to offer his apologies and sympathy to me (in a sincere way..dont worry I know that is not enough and talk is cheap but it is a start)

Now I have an appointment to meet with these Mormon leaders in person the first of June. I still have some considering to do before that day and I may choose not go through with it. Again my attorney (just so you know he is giving me suggestions not representing me as counsel) is concerned they are really looking for ways to discredit me and that is something I am going to have to feel out. But the truth is if they want to discredit me they don’t need to see me in person just do a couple of internet searches and they can get enough dirt on me to discredit me all they want.

Oh well this is my update, over all I am pleased with the out come of the meeting. I got some real validation from the Mormon Church on what happened to me and they appear to be taking it seriously (which is a surprise to me). The final settlement is still in the future but at least for now we are communicating and they are planning on taking action against this man. I am amazed. Oh and one of the highest leaders in the Church is aware of my case. He read my letter and assigned these men to take action.

So yeah right now I happy with were this is going but I will continue to keep you all posted on my process.

Thanks again for being here,

Scott

_________________________
You can't save your Ass and your Face at the same time. (Anonymous)

And given the choice I will save my ass first everytime(STC)

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#218626 - 04/16/08 08:58 PM Re: Unexpected…Responses [Re: Calanthe]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Scott I think that is amazing. Even if nothing else happens and I am sure it will this is really something different. Perhaps all the publicity over the catholic priests is putting some pressure on them to kill the publicity. I would look for some kind of document that states you agree not to go public with this. Good luck


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#218658 - 04/16/08 11:59 PM Re: Unexpected…Responses [Re: Freedom49]
grover Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/28/07
Posts: 50
Loc: Tennessee
make them pay for therapy.

_________________________
Shocking revelations, we are all deeply effected.
-the Waitresses "Wise up"

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#218722 - 04/17/08 10:45 AM Re: Unexpected…Responses [Re: Calanthe]
mike5 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/01/07
Posts: 170
Loc: Cleveland, OH
I'm so glad that you've gotten a response and that people are validating your experiences! A couple weeks ago I sent a letter to the director of the summer camp where I was abused in the 70s. Just got a response yesterday. Turns out that the perp died in the 80s.

Mike


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#218764 - 04/17/08 02:16 PM Re: Unexpected…Responses [Re: mike5]
Magoo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/04/08
Posts: 48
Loc: far, far away
Good for you Scott! Glad to hear that. I commend you for your bravery.
Take no prisoners, show no mercy.


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