I don't know if women are actually stronger...
I think that women are just more willing, open, and unafraid to confront the emotions involved in any situation (even when they percieve the situation as bad or threatening) than to avoid them.
It's a belief of, "If you never find out for sure that you have cancer, doesn't mean that you don't have cancer."
I've known for a long time what I'm dealing with. Sometimes, it's overwhelming, because I can't really talk to him. But I sleep well at night. I sleep well because I've said everything I can say and offered him every out within my capability. It's his choice now. But I know that I've done and continue to do, everything I can to get him to where he needs to go.
Don't get hung up believing that this is in any way easy for any of us. Dealing with him through all of this has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do in life. (And I'm actually the Nurse Manager of a Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) What I deal with on the job, is EASY compared to this.
It's even harder when you enter in an aspect of control. Recently, I had a conversation with my SO about therapy. What I said in a nutshell was, I can get him to the therapist and even pay for him to go, but I can't make him do it. So, if and when he makes an appointment, he can let me know and I'll get him there. But he doesn't need to avoid me to avoid THIS. It is never going to work. I am not going to drag him kicking and screaming to a therapist and avoiding me is NOT going to make the actual issue go away. It's in his head, and I'm not the one who caused it. He listened. It was a small win.
I thank God every day that I found this site, for many reasons. First and foremost is for the input of other survivors. Because of their responses to my posts, because of their input, I find more patience. Maybe it doesn't make sense to all, but it does to me. I have been close to walking away SO many times...you could never know.
Edited by Liv2124 (04/12/08 09:57 PM)