Roger - I thought I'd let you know - I talked to my T today specifically about the "unholy trinity" (nice phrase, by the way) and we'll be working on those issues along with the sexuality issue (which is enough to keep five Ts busy...) Thank you for your posting - it made me feel good to read your words.
Roofus - thank you for "whispering in my ear". I hope I can find strength from that like the patient you told about. Your words are words of hope - and I appreciate them.
Mike - I try not to disregard posts - I'm' sure I never "NEED" to
. I appreciate your offer of trust - I will certainly consider it as I process the emotions I'm dealing with right now.
Larry - As always, you know where to point for me to see some truth I have either missed or ignored before. Fear of being "wanted like that" or judged, or exposed or just abandoned with what I tell people is a living fear in me. I am inspired by your story and your esteem in people in general.
So let me end it with this. You have many strengths. You're articulate and you have a GREAT job from what I remember. These are EXCELLENT building blocks to use in your recovery. DON'T undervalue these two things that I just mentioned ok?
Job is good, yes - pays the bills and I get to travel. I don't know that I'd call it GREAT - but in your eyes I suppose it might look that way. I'm articulate ... that means I'm real good at explaining just how bad things are, right? ... Seriously - I thank you for your words of support and encouragement. Maybe in time I'll be able to accept them more readily.
On a different note - after my session today, I'm not going to lose my T, nor feel the need to change Ts - so that has returned a little stability into this thing called life.