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#217561 - 04/12/08 12:09 PM Re: my greatest cripplers [Re: roadrunner]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Hi again Mark

Hey, help me out here ok? "rejection, abandonment, and humiliation"?

Are you talking about what HAPPENED or what is ONGOING right now?

I have a hard time understanding what to do with this or how to help you with any possible suggestions or to offer any similar life experiences which you might be able to utilize yourself.

So, I'm gonna elaborate on a comment that you made about how you laugh at yourself outwardly while inside you're on the verge of crying.

Mark, it's ok to laugh at yourself. It's a viable and legitimate coping mechanism for your present life circumstances. In fact, it CAN make coping easier for you.

Myself for example. I am white, single, no kids, no relationships, etc. I'm a social misfit. At the same time, I work almost exclusively with Latinos, Mexicans, Guatemalans, etc. They come from a VERY family/relationship oriented culture. ALL of them are married and and children, or are AT LEAST in an ongoing relationship with a woman that they're living with. Now, to them, this is UTTERLY ALIEN in concept to them. They literally CANNOT GRASP that I'm living in a such a way. And how the questions come my way ALL them time. They ask me many intimate details about my life. (restaurant work culture is like this in case any of you don't know)

So how do I deal with this? I SMUGLY, and READILY admit that I'm a social misfit and that I spend most of my time alone etc. And that pretty much ends their inquisitive questions about my life. They get the sense that I'm doing what works for me and that if I don't have to live like "normal" people do, well...........there you go. I think you get my point.

But I hope I've mentioned something that helps you, because I'm not sure if you're talking about shit that happened to you so long ago or what's going on right now in your life.

So let me end it with this. You have many strengths. You're articulate and you have a GREAT job from what I remember. These are EXCELLENT building blocks to use in your recovery. DON'T undervalue these two things that I just mentioned ok?


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#217610 - 04/12/08 04:44 PM Re: my greatest cripplers [Re: Hauser]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
rejection and abandonment are ongoing this week
(never ending - is how it feels)
they always trigger the feelings of humiliation from my past.

but thanx - you gave me some excellent points to consider.

as for laughing at myself ... i guess that one stems from what happened in the past and walks hand-in-hand with humiliation...

M


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#217624 - 04/12/08 05:52 PM Re: my greatest cripplers [Re: roadrunner]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Roger - I thought I'd let you know - I talked to my T today specifically about the "unholy trinity" (nice phrase, by the way) and we'll be working on those issues along with the sexuality issue (which is enough to keep five Ts busy...) Thank you for your posting - it made me feel good to read your words.

Roofus - thank you for "whispering in my ear". I hope I can find strength from that like the patient you told about. Your words are words of hope - and I appreciate them.

Mike - I try not to disregard posts - I'm' sure I never "NEED" to \:\) . I appreciate your offer of trust - I will certainly consider it as I process the emotions I'm dealing with right now.

Larry - As always, you know where to point for me to see some truth I have either missed or ignored before. Fear of being "wanted like that" or judged, or exposed or just abandoned with what I tell people is a living fear in me. I am inspired by your story and your esteem in people in general.

And Hauser...
Originally Posted By: Hauser
So let me end it with this. You have many strengths. You're articulate and you have a GREAT job from what I remember. These are EXCELLENT building blocks to use in your recovery. DON'T undervalue these two things that I just mentioned ok?
Job is good, yes - pays the bills and I get to travel. I don't know that I'd call it GREAT - but in your eyes I suppose it might look that way. I'm articulate ... that means I'm real good at explaining just how bad things are, right? ... Seriously - I thank you for your words of support and encouragement. Maybe in time I'll be able to accept them more readily.

On a different note - after my session today, I'm not going to lose my T, nor feel the need to change Ts - so that has returned a little stability into this thing called life.

M


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