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#217573 - 04/12/08 01:27 PM What a cute dog...
dannym Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/24/07
Posts: 543
Loc: Boulder, Colorado
What if I'm just nuts and I come here to MS for absolution - for comraderie.... and I'm just fucked up?

What if friends blow me off without a call or an email... just don't show.. not because they get caught up in life, but because I am that unimportant to them - I'm not worth the effort. I make a date/appt to meet or call and then they arent' there. I am confused. I am hurt. I am embarrassed. I would never do that to anyone without letting them know... even after the fact. But no, silence, like it never happened... like it was never planned... like I'm making it up... I don't get it.

I feel like a dog. I feel like I wait for my "family" to come home... I wait and I wait.... I get scared. I get lonely.... I get hurt... but then, when they come in the door, I'm all over them... vying for attention - "pet me" "give me attention" "love me"

I make myself sick.

What if i'm just not capable of accepting what is offered. I can have a lot of relationships, I think I can be a good friend/lover... but who wants to put up with someone so needy, so infantile... so disgusting.

What if I'm just cut out to be a good pet.

just needed to get that out.... having trouble not drinking today... but I'll make it.. just need to get this out of my head.

sorry to post such a crappy post.

Dan




Edited by dannym (04/12/08 01:29 PM)
_________________________
"You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head."

Marge Simpson

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#217577 - 04/12/08 01:47 PM Re: What a cute dog... [Re: dannym]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Dannym,
I am so sorry that you are being treated that way. I know that feeling. Seems like the times that you need attention, acceptance and love the most are the times it is withheld from you. +

I know that people tend to shy away from someone they feel is clingy and/or needy because they feel insecure. Like man I can just not be there for them. I am not enough for them. Some one acting like that puppy left alone all day brings out the insecurity in others. I know I have been one of those people I am ashamed to say. Selfish I know.

I am really sad to realize how many times I have done that to friends who would have reached out to me and not done me that way. There is no excuse Dan. They like me were selfish and caught up in their own problems. You on the other hand are deaing with rejection and abandonment feelings and it hurts bad I know. I wish there was a way I could be there for you right now but maybe this poat will help.

I know from your other posts that you are a good man and are willing to reach out to others. I see no reason in you that would cause someone to want to hurt you that way. I would give them the benefit of the doubt still cause you never know what is going on.

Hang there with the drinking and stay strong. You deserve it and it is just a matter of time till someone sees that cute puppy and takes him home to spend the rest of their life with him.


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#217592 - 04/12/08 03:02 PM Re: What a cute dog... [Re: dannym]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
WOW! you just told my story with friends.
Quote:
friends blow me off without a call or an email... just don't show.. not because they get caught up in life, but because I am that unimportant to them - I'm not worth the effort. I make a date/appt to meet or call and then they arent' there. I am confused. I am hurt. I am embarrassed. I would never do that to anyone without letting them know... even after the fact. But no, silence, like it never happened... like it was never planned... like I'm making it up... I don't get it.


Maybe thats why I don't have any now, I just don't want the hurt anymore. Maybe I just don't know how to make friends with the right people? I don't deserve that treatment and either do you. As to why it is I am at a loss. But its always been that way since my 20s with friends.

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
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