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#21752 - 11/20/02 03:14 AM Therapy?!
Angry_youth_86_Keith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/06/02
Posts: 103
Loc: Olympia, Washington
Today, i started therapy, The guy seems nice enough and all that. But even before i went i felt like shit, i left, felt like shit, and a week b4 i went i have been throwing up, coughing, hicupping constantly, burping up stomach acid, all the fun shit. I don't know what it is, but it sux. My thoughts of self harm and harm of others is much higher then it ever was. But i don't feel depressed really, not mad either, i don't know why im even posting. Im sure that its just all these issues coming up or what ever, but man if this is therapy i don't want it.

_________________________
"Ignoring mortality, we worship mediocrity"- Greg Graffin

"Live fast, die young, leave a great looking corpse"-Ronny Van Zant

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#21753 - 11/20/02 05:36 AM Re: Therapy?!
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Keith
starting therapy is the hard part, hell I felt like shit when I started. But you say you trust the T some, so it's going to get better I'm sure.

stick with it, it's the only way. It's the hard way for sure, but you can do it. ;\)
Lloydy

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#21754 - 11/20/02 10:14 AM Re: Therapy?!
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
Hi Keith, good to hear from you.

Before we go to therapy and experience it we, or at least I, had all kinds of fears. I felt like only really crazy people go to therapy and I did not want to be crazy. I have come to believe that mostly healthy people go to therapy to better understand themselves.

Then there was this fear that I would unearth, or more truly, the darn T would unearth some really awful thing from deep down in my psyche that would mark me for life.

Finally, I knew that I had been really badly harmed and I was not all the sure that I cared to talk about that. I was embarassed that I had been raped, that a guy had done that to me--lots of time. And other things that were done as well.

What I found, and I sure hope you find, is that the therapist gave me insights and supported me, he could not work with material I did not give him, so eventually, I gave him everything I knew about me. I never felt badgered and I never felt fearful. Instead, at times it got really crqappy in what I was dealing with. But after a while I felt better knowing that I had a powerful ally and that in fact I was getting healthy--in fact, that I was a lot healthier than a lot of people who think they are healthy and wouldn't dream of going to T.

I hope for the best for you Keith. You really don't need to fear. Talking about the abuse is not fun but it is the necessary steps to getting well.

Peace to you young brother.

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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#21755 - 11/20/02 06:47 PM Re: Therapy?!
Les_Angry Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/06/02
Posts: 195
Hi Keith,

I was reluctant to go back into therapy 17 weeks ago, but I couldnt think of anything but my abuse and my problems were spilling over into my life. I found a great therapist through a local organization that supports victims of rape and child molestation. I was hoping they would know more since they specialize in that kind of thing and they did. I can't tell you how much better my life is than it was 17 weeks ago.

I started dealing with my sa in may of 1998 and it consumed my life for about 3 years. Then I somehow stuffed it for about a year and a half and it just resurfaced when it wanted just like everything we try to stuff. I just started a job after being unemployed since February of this year. More importantly I got my strength back. I no longer want to lay in bed all day which I had done since 5/98, and struggled to think about or focus on anything but the abuse.

When I checked in at the center I was frustrated for not being done with my abuse yet. The social worker told me that everybody deals with it in thier own time and you cant be done with it until you are, no matter how much you try to stuff it. She also said that everybody deals with it in different ways and everybody is done with it for different reasons.

I feel like I've been done with it in a way for the last month or so. I'm focusing on a lot of here and now kind of issues. I'm rambling on but my point is that you should give therapy a try and handle as much as you can. I did and now my life has turned around. I'm getting my strength back. I've spent about two hours a night cleaning my house for the last two weeks. I started work on Monday and sa didn't pop into my mind all day. My sense of humor is back, although some times it gets me in trouble. I found God on my journey and now I have something to live for.

It seems strange living here and now instead of living in 1972 or 1974 or 1983. It isn't all pleasant, but I'm finally dealing with demons I face today and it is making a big change in my life.

So I guess my point is there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I couldn't see it 17 weeks ago, but thanks to my therapist, I'm living in it. So think about therapy and put as much energy as you can into it.

When I came to this web site my nickname was Angry. Then I was feeling better so I changed it to Les_Angry, now I think I can change it again, but I'm going to wait a while and see how it goes.

peace
Les_Angry


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#21756 - 11/20/02 11:41 PM Re: Therapy?!
Angry_youth_86_Keith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/06/02
Posts: 103
Loc: Olympia, Washington
I never dougthed it was good for me to go to a T, but i just hate the way my body seems to disagree, i threw up 4 times today, 2 times my food, 2 times just stomache stuff. i had to stay home from school today, im getting father and father behind *not that i wasn't b4 do to the fact im so stresed out when i get home its hard to do my work well* So yeah it may be good for my phyce, but not for my life. I got my mom on my ass about grades, i got my friends wanting me to go places * i can't* I got the daily life stuff, i had to wake up from last night..did alota shit i shouldn't have..so.its not been fun.

_________________________
"Ignoring mortality, we worship mediocrity"- Greg Graffin

"Live fast, die young, leave a great looking corpse"-Ronny Van Zant

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#21757 - 11/21/02 11:33 AM Re: Therapy?!
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Keith:

It's good to hear from you here at MS! As you can see there are a lot of good supportive men here who have given you some good words. I really like what Matt shared:

"For most of us survivors that have gone thru disclosure like you are in therpay the physical reaction is normal as it is the bodies way of telling you it is ready to get rid of the extra baggage."

Pardon this picture, but when I read that, I immediately got a picture of myself puking out all the bile, poisons & wastes of my past abuses. "Getting rid of the extra baggage!"

Tho this sure makes sense, I never quite thot of that aspect of body memories, maybe becuz I don't vomit that much. But when I need to, I sure feel better when I just do it! Guess that's one of those things where sometimes you gotta feel or get worse before you feel or get better. Therapy is like that too sometimes. Was for me.

Keith, this is just a thot for your consideration. Maybe you could find some way ot increase the connection & the cooperation between your mind & your body. Perhaps some kind of exercises or therapy that are for both mind & body, that get your spirit in touch with your body.

Massage comes immediately to my mind as it has been so vital to me. There have been several recent threads on this, at least one of which is active today. Yoga, tai chi and aerobics (I do water aerobics) are among the many possibilities.
Whatever helps you connect & exercise mind & body.

Also as Matt & others said, hang in there with the therapy. My story is in many ways similar to that of Les Angry. For me, it took about 10 years of therapy before my abuse memories were even recalled. Since then I've been in therapy regularly for about 19 months.

While I had a major breakthrough a couple of months ago, I plan to continue going for some time. It's helping me as Les said live in the present not the past.

Maybe your abuse is still present, I don't know. If it is, starting good therapy now is all the more important. Don't wait till you're 35 or so like I did. You know what you can handle. You know what you need to do.

Therapy isn't for everybody at anytime. But for us survivors it's at least nearly always vital, and the sooner the better. At least thats been my experiences, observations & reading.

Keith, take care of yourself. If you're being abused now, get whatever help you can. If you're not, you're clearly still living in it. Get whatever help you can. We're here as a supportive group of fellow male survivors.

Wuame

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#21758 - 11/21/02 07:28 PM Re: Therapy?!
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Keith
I was just trying to remember what I was like at your age ( way too long ago ! ) and I remembered all the confusion that teenagers face, and that's enough hassle on its own, throw in the SA and it's a hell of a burden.

But I don't doubt that it will get easier, you'll soon find some way of preparing yourself - but avoid alcohol and drugs at all costs, they don't help therapy one bit, and I know what temptations are laid before young people here in the UK, and I don't think they're any different to yours.
But try different things, we all relax in different ways. Massage might work for you, but it costs $ , maybe running to release the energy, learn relaxation techniques, whatever - you'll probably figure something.

But stick it out, at your age 50 seems so far away. And it is, especially if you've only just started to deal with it.
You have youth on your side, a wonderful asset.

Lloydy

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#21759 - 11/22/02 12:17 AM Re: Therapy?!
Mark S Offline
Member

Registered: 08/25/02
Posts: 130
Loc: England
Hi Keith

I found myself in much the same place as you before I started Therapy, and for the first few sessions. My Doctor suggested a mild anti-depressent, (it's called ciprimil here in the UK). I needed this drug just to be able to function, and get on with life, it enabled me to focus on therapy without lifes hassles dragging me down. As Llyody said alchol and non pre>

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