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#217358 - 04/11/08 02:32 PM Meds? or No Meds?... that is the question.
Roofus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/24/08
Posts: 233
Loc: Utah
I hesitate to write this but am hoping to glean from some of your experiences and expertise.

I went to the WoR a couple of weeks ago, and honestly had a very difficult time. Before I go on, I want everyone to know that the experience was beautiful, and extremely healing for me. I don't regret one minute my decision to go, and look forward to going to another one.

While I was there I began experiencing severe flashbacks. Memories that I have worked so hard on suppressing came flooding back. The problem is the flashbacks have continued, and have even gotten worse over the past two weeks. Again, I want to reiterate that I don't perceive the WoR as causing this... what it did was help me to bring these issues to the surface and help me realize that I need to deal with them. In addition, I have been pulled into a very sad state. I'm on the verge of tears pretty much all the time, and I keep pushing them away. I try so hard to fake being happy to avoid letting anyone see what Im truly feeling. I find myself disappearing into space, and 'zoning out' frequently. Sometimes Im zoned out for long periods of time without realizing I am disconnected, and the flashbacks seem to hit me at a moments notice without anything in particular triggering them. I wake up in the middle of the night from nightmares, I smell things that arent really there. I seem to have regressed to a time in my life that I thought I was beyond.

I have been extremely lucky, fortunate, and privileged to be working with a very caring, understanding, knowledgeable, and helpful T. I wouldn't trade him for the world. In my session with him yesterday he kindly suggested that perhaps it's time I consider pharmacological interventions. I was on an anti-depressant for several years, and hated being on it. He's thinking I may need something more than that, but is recommending we pursue this.

I have to say that I really hate the idea of going back on meds. I don't like what they do to me, but I am feeling rather at wits ends, therefore I have agreed to consider them and perhaps take them for a short time.

I told my 'partner,' about whats been happening, about the retreat, about the flashbacks, about my sadness. His response to me last night was ... "there are ugly things in everyone's past, and we just have to put them in our past and get on with life." No... he's not the most caring individual... but thats another story. But I bring that up because he is in total disagreement with me possibly taking anything.

I'm writing to all of you seeking your thoughts, advice, experiences, & suggestions. Do you think I should just buck up and deal with things. I keep telling myself I'll get back to normal... but it doesn't seem to be happening. On one hand, I want to just re-bury the past... yet on the other hand I feel that I have to acknowledge these things, face them, and put them in a place that they will be safe and yet aware. Im not sure if meds will help me do that... or if they will give my brain a break, enough to re-organize and begin healing.

Again, I want to say that my experience at the WoR was absolutely phenomenal. I don't want to give anyone the impression that going will cause you anything similar to what I am experiencing. It is truly a healing experience and I recommend it to anyone and everyone.


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#217361 - 04/11/08 02:51 PM Re: Meds? or No Meds?... that is the question. [Re: Roofus]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Roofus, I have no experience with meds recently, Long time ago i took anti depressants and stopped on my own because of the way they made me feel. I am really sorry your having such a bad time with the flashbacks, smells and stuff. I have had some of that too but not bad. Part of the reason I suspect we have these is because our mind wants to reintergrate those memories with the rest of our memories. Allowing them to happen. Looking at them no matter how awful they are and accepting the feelings that they bring up can be healing. If they are severely traumatic then I agree that you may need some meds to help reduce the intensity of them. Ask your T if he can start off slowly and only increase if need be based on your reaction. If you do go on them they will take some time to work so be patient. Do not stop them suddenly without your T's knowlege and approval. That could give you a real bad depression experience. Prepare to be numbed out a little as you emotinal response to life with level off to everything. Good luck guy and it was a pleasure meeting you that weekend.


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#217368 - 04/11/08 03:11 PM Re: Meds? or No Meds?... that is the question. [Re: Freedom49]
Born to Resist Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/30/05
Posts: 269
Loc: Southern California, USA
You may want to try a holistic supplment approach. Look into SAM-e, L-Tyrosine, and 5-HTP. Google the information on these. (start off with small doses and find the right dose for you). Some studies have found this approach as effective as anti-depresents. I also found the book The Edge Effect to be very helpful with this approach especially in recomending dosages to start off with. The book also recomends a lifestyle and eating approach to address chemical imbalances.

I found the 5-HTP helpful but it gave me bad dreams and lowered sex drive (no big deal, just stop taking it for 2 days and its back). L-Tyrosie and SAM-e have been very helpful ... you need to take a multi vitamin and Vitamin B-Complex to get the most out of these ... in fact start off with a multi vitamin and vitamin b-complex before anything else as they will increase your energy level and reduce stress levels. Again do your research on the web and through books.


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#217369 - 04/11/08 03:24 PM Re: Meds? or No Meds?... that is the question. [Re: Freedom49]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Roofus,

I think the first thing you need to hear, my friend, is that the "get over it and get on with life" approach just doesn't work. Our issues are still there, still defining us, still affecting how we think and behave - even though most of the time we don't even see it happening. Then years later, when it has become so bad we can hardly function, we finally realize that we DO have to face our issues head on. That really is the only way.

On meds, man, do I hear you!!!! When I was told by my doctor that I needed anti-depressants I felt so defeated and crushed. I hated the idea I might be some kind of Norman Bates in the making. But I was just carrying into my own life a whole pile of the usual public misconceptions and prejudices about mental health issues.

The truth is that doctors give is meds so we can get down to the task of facing our issues from a position of basic emotional stability. That's all! It really is that simple. If we had any other kind of medical problem, taking meds would be far less of an issue. We would say, "Well, this is what I need to do in order to get better." It's the same with depression meds. They are part of the strategy that will help us heal.

I was lucky, in that I reacted well to the first meds I was prescribed. But it isn't always that way. Depression is one complicated muthufukka ;\) ! What works for one guy will leave another guy just feeling strange and detached. Quite often the doctor has to try different combinations until finally he/she hits on one that works. But hang in there. The problem is not that the doctor is an idiot or that you are beyond help.

And as Roger says, DON'T stop medication on your own. That could lead to a really bad experience for you. When I was weaned off my meds my doctor reduced my daily dose by 10 mg per month and it took six months to get off them.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#217372 - 04/11/08 03:43 PM Re: Meds? or No Meds?... that is the question. [Re: Born to Resist]
JDrock Offline
New Here

Registered: 03/28/08
Posts: 12
Originally Posted By: Born to Resist
You may want to try a holistic supplment approach. Look into SAM-e, L-Tyrosine, and 5-HTP. Google the information on these. (start off with small doses and find the right dose for you). Some studies have found this approach as effective as anti-depresents. I also found the book The Edge Effect to be very helpful with this approach especially in recomending dosages to start off with. The book also recomends a lifestyle and eating approach to address chemical imbalances.

I found the 5-HTP helpful but it gave me bad dreams and lowered sex drive (no big deal, just stop taking it for 2 days and its back). L-Tyrosie and SAM-e have been very helpful ... you need to take a multi vitamin and Vitamin B-Complex to get the most out of these ... in fact start off with a multi vitamin and vitamin b-complex before anything else as they will increase your energy level and reduce stress levels. Again do your research on the web and through books.


Completely agree.

Try the the natural stuff first.

L-tryptophan, St Johns Wort and 5-THP. To help you sleep try Melatonin.

I have had many anti-depressions before and, like you, I did no like what they did to me. Have been considering going back on them to help me get through the day and reduce social anxiety but I have decided against them.


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#217373 - 04/11/08 03:47 PM Re: Meds? or No Meds?... that is the question. [Re: JDrock]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
One thing I heard that I thought was real good to remember Roofus is someone said they didn't want chemicals affecting their brain. When your depressed, chemicals ARE messing with your brain. Your useing other chemicals or fight back. Just a thought.


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#217374 - 04/11/08 03:48 PM Re: Meds? or No Meds?... that is the question. [Re: JDrock]
ineffable Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/08
Posts: 1371
Loc: state of holeecrapdood
Hi Roofus

You mentioned in one of your other posts you are a Registered Nurse...
If you had that "hat" on & were speaking to me, what would you say?

\:\)

_________________________
:: "Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there" ::


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#217391 - 04/11/08 05:24 PM Re: Meds? or No Meds?... that is the question. [Re: ineffable]
KENKEN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO
Roofus,

First I really feel for you alot. I hear you so loud and clear. I can only add what I went through and am going through regarding med's. It took me 3 different med's and different dosses to get what I feel is a life I can exist with. My experiences without med's was so hard on me and my family. I was laughing at one minute and crying the next. I spaced out for periods of time and would not anyone near me. I couldn't be touched or held. I just wanted to crawl into a corner and be alone.

I do know from my experiences that for me it is totally necessary to feel my pains and emotions. I want and need everything that I went through during my CSA to be able to understand and work on to heal. I no longer want to hide anything. I did that for so many years and I now need to know and deal with everything. No more hiding anything.

So, all I would suggest is to listen to your T. Start slow with the med's. More than likely it will take some time to get your body in some type of rythem. But do get exta help.

Like you, the WoR was so awesome for me. I did get so much out of it. I know I am a good person, I am a good man. With the help of my "little guy" and all my friends including you, I know that I and all of us will be better people if we start to deal with our CSA. Life is to short for me especially at my age to be hiding behind my faults and failures in life. I know I can't blame my life any more on what happened to me that was not my fault. I am moving forward, dammit. And I hope and pray that with the help of our friends/family, professional and higher being that we all make it. Miracles do happen. I especially liked your post yesterday about the family that almost lost their husband and father.

Roofus, I hope you do what is best for you. Take everything we say here on MS and that of your partner and then do what is in your heart.

Ken

_________________________
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

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#217405 - 04/11/08 06:01 PM Re: Meds? or No Meds?... that is the question. [Re: KENKEN]
Roofus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/24/08
Posts: 233
Loc: Utah
Greetings everyone, and thanks for the input. It's always nice to hear what others think on the subject.

Trust me, it is an issue I take very seriously. Just to comment on some of the wonderful ideas you have offered... Many of you have suggested herbal alternatives. Yes, I have tried this in the past. I am somewhat of a tree-hugger at heart so it is always one of the first things on my list to try. I didn't get very good results with the herbals... but perhaps I'll try again. I get the impression that my T is thinking that the issue has deeper roots than depression, and that is perhaps why the herbals have not worked for me in the past. On that same token, I feel like Im going crazy and losing control and regressing to a very dark time in my past. Ohhh well.

Originally Posted By: ineffable
You mentioned in one of your other posts you are a Registered Nurse...If you had that "hat" on & were speaking to me, what would you say?


Yes, I am a registered nurse of sorts, LOL. Of course that hat speaks logically about the potential need for psycho-tropic interventions. But at the same time, Im accustom to being the "care giver," and don't really like the idea of being the patient. Especially when I feel as though Im just going crazy... and messages I keep getting from my SO are that I just need to get over it.

Originally Posted By: roadrunner
I think the first thing you need to hear, my friend, is that the "get over it and get on with life" approach just doesn't work. Our issues are still there, still defining us, still affecting how we think and behave - even though most of the time we don't even see it happening. Then years later, when it has become so bad we can hardly function, we finally realize that we DO have to face our issues head on. That really is the only way.


Thank you! I needed to hear that. Perhaps meds will help me to face the issues. I am going to approach this very cautiously however.

Again thanks everyone for your input.


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#217423 - 04/11/08 07:40 PM Re: Meds? or No Meds?... that is the question. [Re: Roofus]
hogan_dawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
If it were me I'd use the meds to help myself feel better. The presumption being if you feel better then your thoughts on things should be better too.

All the psychotropic medications are held in low regard by many people.

I find the ones I take work fine. But it took me years to find the right combination and dosage for me.

You can't just 'get over' stuff like this, for goodness sake.



Edited by hogan_dawg (04/11/08 07:51 PM)
_________________________
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

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