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#216798 - 04/09/08 12:16 PM tears of pain
kellticwarrior Offline
New Here

Registered: 03/10/08
Posts: 89
Loc: vancouver,b.c.,canada
these tears of pain are falling down,
like raindrops from heaven,
they spill to the ground,
i still don't know if i am lost or found,
or whether i will swim or drown.

to lose at love is a wicked game,
it is a tricky hand to play,
when you are immersed in shame,
maybe there will come a day,
when i won't be lost in blame.

so hear's to life,
i'll take what it has to give,
to find the place,
where my heart and soul shall live.

these tears of pain,
make it hard some days,
to see the world in different ways,
i think love and peace should reign,
but hatred and war own the stage,
one day i will be freed from this cage,
and i won't cry,
these tears of pain.













_________________________
Love heals everything

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#216799 - 04/09/08 12:22 PM Re: tears of pain [Re: kellticwarrior]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
The heart would have no rainbows if the eyes had no tears....


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#216917 - 04/09/08 07:43 PM Re: tears of pain [Re: Freedom49]
kellticwarrior Offline
New Here

Registered: 03/10/08
Posts: 89
Loc: vancouver,b.c.,canada
amen

_________________________
Love heals everything

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#217039 - 04/10/08 10:52 AM Re: tears of pain [Re: kellticwarrior]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Kelly,

I feel for your pain and hope you soon find peace. Love is such a deeply emotional and risky experience regardless of our backgrounds, and for a survivor there are so many issues that can come up when things go wrong.

I would like to share something with you. A young survivor whom I talk to a lot discovered that he was having feelings for someone, and he was shocked when I proposed that perhaps he was falling in love. He feared abandonment if he allowed the relationship to develop, he worried that he would not be able to respect the relationship (poor boundaries), but above all else he doubted that anyone could ever find him lovable.

My reply was that love is a part of our shared humanity and a natural way of responding as intimacy with someone proceeds to more and more personal levels. It seemed to me that to deny love would be to reject our humanity.

So I very much like your response to the situation when you say this:

so hear's to life,
i'll take what it has to give,
to find the place,
where my heart and soul shall live.

But back to my young friend. I guess this whole issue came to a head when he took the risk of committing to this other person and their relationship became sexual. Some weeks later, when I was back in the USA, we were sitting over some lunch in the 30th Street Station in Philadelphia and he was telling me how things were going. He was stunned that he had been neither hurt nor abandoned, and much to his astonishment he was remaining faithful to his partner. He said he had something for me, and pushed the following across the table to me. With his permission I want to share how a 17-year-old (now 18) looks at the issues you raise:



Water and Fire

Being in love is like swimming in the raging torrent,
Swept speeding along in the seething surging deep,
Rushing midway between ecstasy and destruction
And caught up in feelings you hardly understand.

But is there any other way to love, or to be loved,
Than to embrace love in all its blazing blinding purity?
Can one say to the monsoon, “Less water please”,
Or to the Maelstrom, “I would feel safer in a pond”?

My heart, new to love, fears the pain of love ended,
Of love frustrated and denied, as if a bonfire can be told
It may no longer shower the darkness with its sparks
Or drive back the cold with its bright-glowing coals.

But love is a force unto itself, with its own divine spark
And reason and purpose beyond our knowing, except
That it is us, that it is here and real, and that it remains
Ours to share and cherish so long as we live and breathe.

There is no end to love, just as each glorious sunset bears
The promise of renewal and the dawning of a new day
Even as it yields to Father Night in a kaleidoscope of color,
Magnificent as it swirls and fades in the western sky

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#217041 - 04/10/08 10:58 AM Re: tears of pain [Re: roadrunner]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Wow Larry that was so beautiful. Made my ol heart swell. Thank for that and for you comments on love.


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#217194 - 04/10/08 10:55 PM Re: tears of pain [Re: Freedom49]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1937
Loc: durham, north england
It hurts.

My logic agrees, but my imotions don't, ---- too much pain.

Falling in love has brought me nothing but torment and agony and pointless hope. I hope it never happens to me again, but like a natural desaster I know it will, and once again I'll be hurt.

I'm really and truly sorry about this negativity, what both larry and kelly say here is beautiful, ---- but it hurts, and right now all I see is the searing, blinding pain not the beauty.


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#217197 - 04/10/08 11:09 PM Re: tears of pain [Re: dark empathy]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Luke,

Now may not be the time to think about a rosy future with love, my friend. What matters now is how you feel in your current situation, and you need to deal with this first. You don't have to force yourself into an attitude you don't believe in yet.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#217243 - 04/11/08 02:21 AM Re: tears of pain [Re: roadrunner]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1937
Loc: durham, north england
Thank you larry. I'm incredibly sorry for sticking this here. I know that love is problematic for me at the moment, in fact, even at the best points, even when I believed my abuse was all behind me and that I was fine, I had real trouble with the idea of love, not the least because it's so much tied to my self-worth business, and your probably right in that I need to sort myself out first.

While it's perhaps not a trigger in the same way that the smell of cigarette smoke, a major nottingham accent or explicite de>

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