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#217203 - 04/10/08 11:18 PM learn more about triggers and why
thecoopstah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/04
Posts: 589
Loc: massachusetts
I am so sick of dealing with PTSD,the CSA and the almost daily signs yet subtle enough to catch me off guard and i become so friggin angry.

My mood(s) on a daily basis is "up" ....yet i have not had a day ( except today though) where i have not been triggered for whatever reason and it's now effecting my fiancee and overwhelming her and it scarex me to think that when she said to me last night "i usually have no prblem dealing with your moods and anger yet i struggle and it's taking it's toll on me"


We had a pretty big emotional fight and communicated my( although i am not always to blame) unsettling uneasiness around

what causes me to become triggerdd and never figuring out why

never knowing when i'll be triggered

not even aware of my mood(s) until it's effected her

why is this

i cannot be the one to blame

i am never aware of the subtle triggers

is this normal to not know what triggers you unless of course they are huge triggers

i dont want to hurt or push her away

she is not built to deal with drama

i never understood why some people like lisa shut down

she gets real quiet

what do i do

how do i go to threapy and talk about ME and not her

i am struggling to find the "balance"

any thoughts would help

i am at my wits end and ready to call it a day

our wedding is essntially around the corner(september 27th)

I want to learn about triggers and what causes them

what i can do to deal with them

how i can find ways to allow myself the chance to just be instead of always wantring the answers....

Coop

PS: maybe i will never have the definitive reason(s) as to what or why i am so easily triggerd....does this make sense

_________________________
" You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have "

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#217238 - 04/11/08 01:19 AM Re: learn more about triggers and why [Re: thecoopstah]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1977
Coop,

I feeling a little wiped out at the moment, but I wanted to post at least something here. Since coming to this site, I have started to understand better the concept of triggers. Right now I just know I have them. For now, I am just wanting to understand the concept that they exist and to observe when it is happening to me.

I am trying to be non-judgmental and just see how my mind can go from being perfectly at ease, then watch how just a couple thoughts can throw me into an emotional loop (heck, for that matter a single thought). Not pretty stuff, I do agree.

But again, I am trying to just observe and not be too judgmental. And as I am getting a better understanding of how this mechanism works for me, I am making an effort to 'take a couple deep breaths' so to speak, and not make any judgment in haste that was driven by a trigger, or a temporary mental firestorm. Not easy, but I'd like to think I am learning.

How to heal from this? Maybe I never fully do. Truth is I think many people very easily can get set off in a bad way, CSA issues or not. I think it is a part of growing, a part of learning about oneself, and wanting to be a better person. I think there is an element of learned self-control. But truthfully, I don't know for sure.

I myself am just starting to grasp the idea of a trigger, and am realizing I get triggered all the time. I am just trying best I can to learn what these things are, and when they occur, to try and respond to them the best I can with positive coping mechanisms, whatever those may be.

I think in dealing with this stuff, it is good to really take the time to observe ones emotional being on many levels. What makes one happy, what brings about others moods. Just to really get to know oneself honestly as best possible. And to be willing to grow and change ones behaviors for the sake of getting to a better place. I don't have the answers as to how one gets there, but I think it is a worthwhile journey.

Eric


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