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#21713 - 10/12/03 02:24 AM Re: Where do I start
survive75 Offline
Member

Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 304
Loc: Massachusetts
Quote:
I don't want to share my story, because i feel like I'm fucking lying about it. I feel like I'm making my mom look bad for not being there. And my father (aka step dad number 1) was a drunk... shit.
Hey. I'm right with you on this. I know how it feels to have your mind doubt you everytime you even THINK about telling someone, let alone actually telling. I've gone back and read my one "disclosure" post that took so much courage for me to write and a part of me said, "You are such a liar - you made that all up." Also right with you on the mom and stepdad thing.

This sucks. That memories aren't more clear, that people don't believe this happens, that we've been made to believe that we are damaged and fucked up and that we should just keep it hidden.

This is a great place though. And with the encouragement of people here, it's a lot easier to stop hiding what happened. I'm been shocked by the honesty and support I've found here... I hope you find it here too.

-Sean

_________________________
-Sean

"Even though I know/I donít want to know/Yeah I guess I know/I just hate how it sounds"

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#21714 - 10/13/03 09:24 PM Re: Where do I start
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
deej,

You need to work on this at your own pace, one that you can deal with. Don't try to push it and overload yourself.

The when and where and how much of your story you share is entirely up to you. As time goes on you can add more of the information as you feel safe. The only one that needs to believe you for the healing to start is yourself.

Write a bit of your story down on a piece of paper. Start with something simple like, "I was abused" and read it outloud to yourself. When you are ready do it again another piece of information, "I was abused by my step-father". Keep doing this, adding the bits of information as you feel comfortable/safe and as they come to you. Remember to be honest with yourself, this is about healing your wounds, not protecting those you think will look bad. And be open to the feelings you have and to the bits of help that come along.

The same will work with telling your story to someone else. You don't need to tell them everything all at once. That small bit of the secret you carry inside of you says a lot, like "I was abused". I begins to let it out. And you can judge how they will react to the information you gave them, can they handle it, will they believe you, will they be supportive.

When you are ready, there will be someone to share it with. A family member, a friend, a therapist, a doctor, the guys here at MS, or that person you feel that you can begin to really trust.

Take care of yourself deej, and don't be afraid to post a question or concern or a feeling or a rant. We understand and we'll listen.

Bill

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#21715 - 10/19/03 05:34 AM Re: Where do I start
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
I am sorry that your emotions are so difficult at you right now. I just wished to say 'welcome' to here, and I hope that you are able to find professional help in your living area. I was very resistant to seeing a therapist at first, very afraid of it. But I am very grateful that now I am, and she is very good person to me. I wish you well.

leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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