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#216720 - 04/09/08 01:01 AM To All the Moms (Possible Triggers)
USFbull Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/30/08
Posts: 92
Loc: Florida
If you are a Mom and on this site, you care about yourself, or someone in your life and for that you deserve a giant thank you. However I come to you seeking advice, as mothers are some of the most wisest and kindest of our society, if anyone else has any advice I appreciate it all. Not one sentence will go unread Thank You!

The situation, I was abused by my cousin for 4 years as a child. For some reason I have a very clear memory of my Mom knowing it was going on, and walking in on it happening. When I came out about my abuse in High School my Mom claimed this never happened. So I am incredibly torn between a childhood memory and my mother...what is a guy to do?

_________________________
Neither fear nor courage saves us.
Unnatural vices Are fathered by our heroism.
Virtues Are forced upon us by our impudent crimes.
These tears are shaken from
the wrath-bearing tree.
~T.S. Eliot~

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#216723 - 04/09/08 01:17 AM Re: To All the Moms (Possible Triggers) [Re: USFbull]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Mothers are not immune to denial. You know what you know. There are things that I could not handle knowing and I have completely misplace them in my mind somewhere. Parhaps your mom has done the same thing to that memory of her wonderful little boy involved in something so decidedly unpleasant. Not unusual at all.

What is a guy to do? Stop trying to draw water from an empty well. You have checked and there is nothing there for you from her. At least not yet. So you come here and there is much here for you to draw from.

I believe you and so do all of us here. Also it was not your fault. You are not to blame. You most importantly, are not alone. Your abuse from you cousin is a bad thing that happened TO you. You on the other hand are not bad at all. You are not defined by your assualt. That is just part of your history. Whether she acknowleges what happened to you or not you are always her little boy.



Edited by Freedom49 (04/09/08 01:19 AM)

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#216786 - 04/09/08 10:52 AM Re: To All the Moms (Possible Triggers) [Re: Freedom49]
theresa2469 Offline
New Here

Registered: 04/03/08
Posts: 5
Loc: TX
I agree with Freedom49, it was not your fault. When my son told me there was no question if it happend or not I believed him, To be honest with you I dont understand why she doesnt believe you, I am sure it was very hard for you to tell your mom. You are not alone there are some moms or family's that dont believe the victim, maybe denial, I realy dont know, It happend please take care of your self, this site has been a wonderful tool for me, i have learned so much as a mom of victim. Good luck in your recovery, I will say a prayer for you.


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#216971 - 04/09/08 10:15 PM Re: To All the Moms (Possible Triggers) [Re: theresa2469]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
USFbull,

What did she claim never happened? That she walked in or did she disbelieve you that it happened at all? I think it really matters here.

If you're very sure of your memory that she walked in, knew about it and did nothing then I certainly understand there would be lots of problems between you. I can't imagine the anger and the hurt on your end.

If you're not sure of the memory, she said no, she never walked in, but supported you and continues to support you when you told her what happened, then I'd say maybe your memory is confused.

I'm honestly not saying your memory isn't dead on, but I get the feeling from your post that you aren't sure yourself which is the only reason I ask.

ROCK ON..........Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#217007 - 04/10/08 03:11 AM Re: To All the Moms (Possible Triggers) [Re: Trish4850]
USFbull Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/30/08
Posts: 92
Loc: Florida
Thanks trish sorry for the muddled post, sometimes I'm writing on a little bit of sleep. Confirmed insomniac. \:\( . I remember my mom walking in on it, and telling me it was going to stop, and it wasnt right, but she kept leaving me alone with him. She claims she didnt know it was occuring, let alone walking in on it. Its a tough predicament.

_________________________
Neither fear nor courage saves us.
Unnatural vices Are fathered by our heroism.
Virtues Are forced upon us by our impudent crimes.
These tears are shaken from
the wrath-bearing tree.
~T.S. Eliot~

Top
#217023 - 04/10/08 08:37 AM Re: To All the Moms (Possible Triggers) [Re: USFbull]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
USF,

What your mother did was wrong and there's no wiggle room in that. Like Roger said, mother's aren't immune from denial, but even that doesn't cut it. If you know your child is in danger then the ONLY thing to do is remove them from that danger. She failed you there and she has an obligation to own up to that failure now. If she won't then it's your call how to deal with it, but for the life of me I can't think of one thing for you to do. I wish that wasn't so, but right now, I'm angry for you; what she did, or rather what she didn't do is just so wrong!

ROCK ON.......Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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