Newest Members
BusterJones, Desperateforhelp, aniceguy, Green_Lantern, Safe11ride
12121 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
corvairman1 (43), marianne (44), son (35), speedy (31)
Who's Online
10 registered (Jay Bee, BuffaloCO, Greg56, JayBro, 4 invisible), 65 Guests and 2 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12121 Members
73 Forums
62525 Topics
438160 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#216433 - 04/08/08 07:15 AM Got past my fear, fired my T
cbfull Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/26/07
Posts: 386
Loc: Ohio
I made several very big decisions recently, and I'm glad I did.

I realized that my therapist was not helping me at all. He was actually confusing me by answering my questions instead of asking the questions that only I can answer. I could also tell how boring my issues were to him, got tired of seeing him get drowsy and yawning, let alone the time when he dozed of several times during our session. That made me angry, especially when he ran my card and let my pay for his fight to stay awake. I was starting to feel like I was going backwards despite all my efforts.

I decided to tell my machinist coworker that I am attracted to him. It just seemed like the right thing to do, for both of our sake. I didn't want him or me thinking that the only reason we are friends is because I find him very physically attractive. Keeping it a "secret" was causing me to have flashbacks and it was damaging my self-esteem. I could no longer keep it a secret just because of fear of rejection and abandonment. He has shown me such a sincere and honest side of himself, it's the least I could do to thank him for never judging me.

He took it quite well, and at first he didn't have any response, likely because he already knew but couldn't believe I was actually admitting it right to his face. I admit I softened it up just a little, I didn't come right out and say, "I am attracted to you, always have been and am right now". I put it more like, "I told you I was intimidated by you, but a much more accurate word would be 'attracted'".

He stuck around and let me get it all out, why I'm telling him and so on. I think he really, really felt a deep appreciation for my honesty, sincerity, not to mention my maturity. As far as I can tell it improved our friendship. He always seems so happy to see me anyway, he's a good guy and deserves honesty. This makes me realize that the same applies to me.

Having said all of this to him, it wasn't long before I realized my T has to go. I called him yesterday and sort of clumsily let him go. It's probably better that I got his voicemail since I wasn't quite sure how to go about letting my T go, but I was afraid that he might want to know why and I was not prepared to tell him how unhappy I was with him.

Anyway, just thought I would share this with all you guys.

Thanks everyone!

_________________________
Craig

Guilt and shame have never done any of us any good at all.

Top
#216492 - 04/08/08 11:28 AM Re: Got past my fear, fired my T [Re: cbfull]
TNuss Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/28/06
Posts: 202
Loc: Del-A-Ware???
WOW, awesome and the healing continues!!! Great for you!!!

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

_________________________
All my best!!!

In harmony,
Troy
________________________________________________________
I hug myself daily until the day I find the embrace that completes me.

Top
#216496 - 04/08/08 11:42 AM Re: Got past my fear, fired my T [Re: TNuss]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Craig, I am really happy for you. It is about doing what we need to for ourselves. You did to great things for your self and you should be really proud. Congratulations. Finding a good T that will ask the right quetions and help you see what you need to see and do for you healing is a huge thing. You may have to go through a few before you get a good fit but don't be afraid to move on when you need to.


Top
#216535 - 04/08/08 01:29 PM Re: Got past my fear, fired my T [Re: Freedom49]
cbfull Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/26/07
Posts: 386
Loc: Ohio
Thanks guys! I wasn't expecting that.

It certainly isn't over, the healing continues, and the proof came shortly after I made that post. Since Sunday I have been feeling increasingly paranoid about my friend. He didn't respond to one of my texts, so I got paranoid and left him a voicemail asking him if it was "TMI" (too much information), which of course it wasn't, and I just sorta kept hiding my paranoia as much as I could, but it wasn't working. Afterall, the whole point of this healing process is to stop hiding our feelings all the time. He knew I was paranoid and was teasing me a bit.

I started chatting with my gay friend and we both came up with the same realization at the same time. I am having another flashback. I have plenty of memories of abandonment by friends who couldn't deal with me once they knew too much about me. They would just avoid any and all contact with me as though I ceased to exist. It was so painful. These were some of the most painful and upsetting experiences in my life. This has happened with both friends and boyfriends, of course they also abandoned the right to the title of even acquaintances at that point.

So don't worry, it doesn't look like I'm going anywhere anytime soon fellas.


_________________________
Craig

Guilt and shame have never done any of us any good at all.

Top
#217175 - 04/10/08 09:23 PM Re: Got past my fear, fired my T [Re: cbfull]
blueshift Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
Been there. I've had an awesome T or two, but I've also had my share of duds. It's hard to fire them, but it's so worth it! Then too, they should know better than to take it personally. Good move!

_________________________
My Story
My Art

Top
#245398 - 08/18/08 02:51 PM Re: Got past my fear, fired my T [Re: blueshift]
Kamilin Offline


Registered: 08/18/08
Posts: 12
Loc: Colombia
lol that`s sweet, hmmm, date him and, stop seing therapist, i think that doesnt work at is a waste of time, better jump of a plane with a parachute makes u recover faster.

_________________________
Kamilin

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.