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#2159 - 06/11/05 04:12 PM goodbye for now
DannyT Offline
Member

Registered: 09/14/03
Posts: 402
Hi guys,

Iíve really enjoyed being part of this community, and Iíve gained tremendously from all your honesty and openness. The site has meant a lot to me.

Iím happy to say that Iím slowly but surely freeing myself from the chains of memory and revisiting that plague us all. I wrote a note to the list about my recent healing experience (http://malesurvivor.org/cgi-local/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=1;t=005236#000001), and the results have been more powerful than I ever would have thought. The abuse seems to be fading away, as though it were some giant sore that has been lanced and is disappearing into a scar.

Lately when Iíve been visiting the site and writing responses, Iíve actually felt like I was reaching into the past. And along with that feeling comes a very strange and totally new sense that Iím reminding myself of my old pain, almost like I need to remember it rather than to simply let it go. Itís like the painís been a part of me for so long that Iíve become attached to it, like it was a crutch or something. Very strange.

When I first came here I had this amazing relief of seeing that I was not alone. Truly amazing. And I also felt this great sense of community. The site is filled with compassion and kindness, and Iím very grateful for it. Now, when I create threads or write responses to people, Iím conscious of a change in my psyche. I am no longer connected to the immediacy of the pain. It all seems a little distant to me, a little hazy. And so I donít trust my responses as much as I did before.

I believe very strongly in the power of habits of mind to control the directions of our lives. Over the past couple of years, Iíve been participating in the forum pretty regularly, and Iíve grown from the experience. I had a real need for the support. Nowadays when I come here part of it is because Iím wondering how everyone is, and another part is a habit that causes reminders that seem like hazy flashbacks. I feel like the little birds I see in the bird house near my garage. Before their first flight, they hop up and down waiting to fly, but their wings still have patches of down that make it impossible. To me the reminders are the bits of fluff that need to fall away so the wings can really work. To let that happen, I need to break the habit of memory that pastes them back on every day.

Healing finally requires us to stop paying attention to the itchy scar, doesnít it?

So I guess the time has come for me to take the plunge and move away from here for awhile. Iíd like to see what the new patterns of life look like when the wound finally heals enough that I donít think of it every day.

Thanks for all of your support! Itís been a privilege to be part of this group.

Danny


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#2160 - 06/11/05 04:38 PM Re: goodbye for now
sophiesdad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/30/05
Posts: 462
Loc: Florida
What a wonderful post! It's always sad to see someone leave, but it is also a sign of hope that there is health and happiness at the end of the tunnel.

In my "real time" support group I watched people leave occasionally. Some just "needed a vacation" from intensive therapy and there were the fortunate few who left because they felt that they were strong enough to venture out into the "scary world" and try experiencing life without the safety of the group. But, we always reminded them, as I will remind you, that they are always welcome back with open arms should it become too scary.

I wish you all the best, even though I have never had a chance to know you very well. You are an inspiration to me!

A thumbs up and a big cyber hug (if that's OK)

Sophiesdad

_________________________
There are no unresolved issues - they just didn't resolve themselves the way we would have liked. "Grinder and Bandler - Neuro-Linguistic Programming"

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#2161 - 06/11/05 05:05 PM Re: goodbye for now
Kenn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/10/04
Posts: 146
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Hi Danny:

I have just finished reading the post you referred to, the "immersion" experience, and it really gives me hope, too.

My T calls it "flooding" and we have used it sometimes to treat my more recent PTSD from when I was hit by a cab two years ago. For example, I have been - and still am, to a degree - afraid to be out walking after dark; afraid that I will not be seen; afraid of most cabs and the red and yellow ones here in particular (I swear they have the worst drivers among a pool of bad drivers!).

So I challenge myself to go out at night more and more - and it is getting a lot easier.

I am not quite sure how I could mimic the technique with the s.a. issue, the lasting impact of which seems to have been shame and self-abuse. Goodness knows putting up with a lot of crap from different guys does not seem to have done the trick! Mind you since dealing seriously with this issue, and seeing how it has ruled my life, I have found a new respect and care for myself - but still very much a work in progress.

I am very happy for you in this exciting phase of your life.

All the best,

Kenn

_________________________
"This above all; to thine own self be true."

William Shakespeare, Hamlet

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#2162 - 06/11/05 10:56 PM Re: goodbye for now
Don-NY Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/06/02
Posts: 546
Loc: Long Island, NY
Danny,

You have been a great inspiration to me.

Your ideas about the unmolested self, about discovering him, and freeing him brought me a good deal of clarity.

The question you asked yourself, and shared with us, is something vital; "would I be doing or feeling this if I hadn't been abused?"

I hope you will return now and again to share your ideas and the wonderful things ahead of you.

All the best,
Donald

_________________________
If you understand everything, some things are just as they are. If you understand nothing, things are still just as they are.

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#2163 - 06/12/05 02:48 AM Re: goodbye for now
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Good luck Danny and come back once in a while to visit with us and tell us how you are doing

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#2164 - 06/12/05 05:34 PM Re: goodbye for now
Curtis St. John Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/20/04
Posts: 1796
Loc: Westchester, N.Y.
hey Danny,

Good work! and thanks for letting us know that you were taking off rather then leave us wondering.

Take Care!


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